discussing sexism with children, explaining sexist comments wwyd?

[5madthings]

So today on the way home from school some men shouted 'nice tits' and discussed that I was a 'milf' as I cycled past them with my three year old dd in bike seat and six year old ds4 on his scooter alongside me... Lovely I know.

I ignored them but ds4 asked why they said it and what milf meant.,.

A conversation I really wanted to have with him... Not. But rather than not answer I thought it was better to explain in an age appropriate way what the men meant, why they said it and why their behaviour wad wrong.

We have always been open with the madthings re sex etc when they have asked, I would rather explain appropriately than have them learn in the playground and with five kids there has been much discussion of pregnancy, birth etc. Ds1 was actually at dd's birth and cut the cord. We are relaxed around nudity etc so all round fairly laid back I guess.

I am comfortable with our parenting style in this respect.

But I tweeted everydayfeminism about today's events and a few people are questioning/arguing that I should not have answred ds4. Apparently children don't need to know about sexism...

My take on is is that if it were a racist comment I would explain it and explain racism and sexism is no different iyswim?

I have four boys and it's really important to me I raise them to be good men! So them knowing and understanding g sexism is part of that.

So what would others do? Do you talk to your kids about sexism? Is 6 too young? How can we make sure we raise our kids to do different?

[TunipTheUnconquerable]

I talk to my kids about sexism but it backfired slightly a month or so ago when my 4yo announced to a group of visiting children, 'My mum does not like sex'.

I don't think 6 is too young tbh. Though linguistically it may be a bit beyond their eavesdropping younger siblings

[5madthings]

Yes I have experienced the younger sibling issue., ds1 aged 9/10? On the school run asked me about blow jobs as some kids had mentioned it at school, he was horrified... That was an interesting moment!

I have opted to tell dd the correct terms for her privates, she also calls it s 'girly bit' but running round naked in a friends garden she shouted 'look you can see my vulva'... And then there was discussion that her friend 't' had a stinky Willy but she didn't... Thankfully my friend is lovely and we both just laughed.

It's difficult I don't want to go overboard but I want them to be informed.

[cailindana]

At that age I would say "Those men are being very rude. Some men are rude to women on the street because they're sexists. Being a sexist means that if you're a man you think men are better than women and if you're a woman you think women are better than men. It's a silly way to think because we know all people are different and it doesn't matter whether they're women or men, it's never right to be rude to people." Let that sink in for a bit then ask him what he thinks.

[5madthings]

That's basically what I said. And a bit more about the term milf. He seemed to understand and when we got home told his big brothers about the 'silly men'.

Ds1(15) was horrified and thought they were arseholes. Ds2 (12)knew exactly what milf meant as he had heard it at school. :(

[CheesyBadger]

Absolutely right to discuss it. I do already with dd (3) as some children say to her girls can't do certain things, so she is already coming across it herself and I want her to have the confidence to say they are wrong and know why they are wrong.

Easing her into it in age appropriate ways

[5madthings]

Well ds4 is not the type to be fobbed off. Had I not explained he would probably have asked his teacher tomorrow!

As it is I may mention to her that I have had to have this conversation with him just in case he mentions it at school, joy!

[cheminotte]

Agree you were right to discuss with him. I've certainly corrected any comments on pink only being for girls or women can't be doctors. Recently was explaining what a judge does to Ds and said 'she' rather than he or she.

[TheWanderingUterus]

When this happened to me I told DS and dd that those men saw me as a collection of body parts and not as a person. They only look at people's outsides and don't consider their insides. They told me in a very rude way because they don't know how to talk to people nicely. As I didn't like the way they spoke to me I didn't have to take it as a compliment or reply to them.

DCs were four and eight and it was part of a long conversation we had about it.

[AmberTheCat]

I agree you were right to discuss it. We take a similar approach to you re. nudity, answering questions about sex, etc, so it would have felt odd to try and sweep something like that under the carpet.

I had a nice moment with my 7 year old dd this evening. I'm reading Tom's Midnight Garden to her, and there was a bit tonight where Tom describes Hattie as 'only a girl'. She looked at me and raised her eyebrows, and we shared a brief, unspoken 'well, that's a ridiculous thing to say, isn't it?!' moment before carrying on with the story. Kids are going to come across sexism, whether in real life or in stories, and I think it's important to acknowledge it and use it as a springboard for discussion.

[SevenZarkSeven]

I also think you were right to tell him what it meant in an age appropriate way rather than fobbing him off.

I feel for you that you had those utter fuckers yell obscenities at you while you were going about your daily business. Street harrassment is one of the reasons I became a feminist at the ripe old age of about 14. Who the fuck do they think they are?

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

You know I think you did the right thing.

I'm bloody impressed you didn't give them a pile of shit right back. I would have lost it if someone spoke to me like that in front of fat pants.

[FuckOffWeasel]

Think you handled it really well OP, It's important to let them know that "compliments" like that aren't compliments at all. Especially as we teach young girls children that when someone is rude to you it's because, "he really likes you".

No some people are horrid because they are horrid and it really has nothing to do with the recipient.

[whatdoesittake48]

My children are a bit older, but I make a point of telling the whole family every time something like this happens to me (which is all too often). My son needs to understand what is appropriate and that it is frightening and upsetting for a woman and my daughter needs to learn the best ways of dealing with it. My husband needs to understand that this isn't unusual for me to deal with.

Sometimes it feels bad that all I can say when they ask me "what did you do" is "I ignored them, kept my head down and walked away" or "I pretended I hadn't heard".

Now and then though I can tell them that I was brave enough to tell them to "go away and leave me alone" (although I use choice language in reality...)

Kids remember this stuff. My daughter still asks me about the old man on the bus who asked me to sit on his knee - I don't think she can believe it even now.

BTW I am so sorry this happened to you. What man would think it appropriate in front of children (or at all)? They are sick.

[FuckOffWeasel]

nd my daughter needs to learn the best ways of dealing with it.

:( I just want to give up sometimes.

[FuckOffWeasel]

Can feminism hurry up and fix all this in say, the next 10 years? When it will likely start being an issue for my dd too?

I just can't even get my head around helping her to "deal with it". I just can't. It's all so fucking depressing.

[myusernameis]

I just can't even get my head around helping her to "deal with it". I just can't. It's all so fucking depressing.

Me too, FOW

I hope it is improving and that with each generation it will become less and less acceptable.