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"too much of a bimbo to be a feminist"

(87 Posts)
JokersGiggle Sat 07-Jun-14 22:49:48

That's what my friend said to me.
She saw the book "everyday sexism" on my coffee table earlier and burst out laughing. I asked her what was funny and she said it was nothing, we carried on as normal then she left.
She's just emailed me saying "sweetie I saw your little feminist book earlier and I need to point something out to you - your too much of a bimbo to be a feminist! You wear makeup, have highlights, like to look good, didn't go to uni and you let your guy look after you"
i'm really hurt by this. Yes I like to look good as it make me happy. I didn't go to uni, I choose to work my way up in my career (and personally I think I've done well). Yes I do let dp take me out for dinner once or twice a week but that's because I cook each evening and as dp is a truely awful cook he like to take me out so im not cooking every night of the week as his contribution to food. And yes he does pay for more things than me but he earns quite a lot more than me so we devide bills in relation to salary rather than 50/50.
How do I explain that feminism isn't about how you look, who you are, what you do or how you've been educated; its a way of thinking and a way of life. I've tried but each draft email sounds either snobby or shows how much she's hurt me.
Can anyone help?

Longtalljosie Mon 09-Jun-14 08:07:39

Frankly if she's not the sort of person to respect a confidence then she'll probably have gossiped about you anyway sad

In any case, you can't stay friends with her just because you're scared of what might happen if you don't...

RhondaJean Sun 08-Jun-14 23:57:33

I REALLY love the idea of posting her fat is a feminist issue!

(but don't, obviously)

GarlicJuneBlooms Sun 08-Jun-14 23:49:28

What a weirdo shock

I was going to say: [1] Yes, this happened a lot to me (the bimbo thing) in the 70s, and [2] I loved your dignified book response. But - er, subsequent events have overshadowed all that! It doesn't sound like you have any control over whether she goes even more nuts or not. She can't possibly be expecting you to come begging for her friendship after decapitating your roses. I now think she set out to be nasty to you, and the sexism book was simply her first opportunity. She hates you, for reasons which I'm sure make sense only to herself in the middle of the night hmm Glide above it, if you can, and respond nicely to any third-party evidence that she's been gossiping. With any luck, she'll pick a more reactive target very soon and then have her breakdown.

It's a good time of year for rose beheading! They'll have even more flowers next month. Nature's revenge on spiteful neighbours grin

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 08-Jun-14 23:32:05

Not saying you need to be scared of her, just keep your dignity.

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 08-Jun-14 23:31:26

Best bet is to just never speak to her again, or mention her to others. If people ask if you've seen or heard from her, shrug it off. She's a loose cannon and you don't want to give her any ammunition. If she goes around speaking about you, then she'll look the idiot, not you, as you've said nothing about her.

JokersGiggle Sun 08-Jun-14 23:24:03

The problem is that I don't want her to go nuts as she's proven how unpredictable she is and she knows personal info about me. I don't have Facebook so if she says stuff about me in there I'll never know, but more importantly we have mutual friends and I work with her sister (well her sister reports to me) and I really don't want people knowing about my multiple MCs, cancer scare and various other bits and bobs.
We live in a small community which is mostly nice but gossip spreads like wild fire (thanks to the stepford tribe)

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sun 08-Jun-14 23:18:06


Yes, leave it.

There are clearly, errr - issues there.

Placate yourself with a brilliant imaginary conversation, what you'll eventually perhaps get the chance to say to her if you run into her:

'Yes, I chose not to respond to you - are you surprised? Tbh when me and all the neighbours saw the incident with the roses I realised that the situation was clearly more about you and whatever had obviously been happening in your life, it was such a hideous and embarrassing thing to have done. I simply felt at that point that I didn't want to make life even harder for you, eg by taking things further with the police.'

CraicWhore Sun 08-Jun-14 23:13:49

Agree with anotherspinning please do not react in any way to her OP.
She sounds such a lose cannon it's not worth breathing a word of this to anyone in RL who might get back to her.

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 08-Jun-14 23:11:37

You seem alright, Jokers. Isn't it horrible when a friend turns out to be a vicious, raving twatbadger?

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 08-Jun-14 23:10:24

Wow, talk about your all-time overreactions.

Best thing you can do is Absolutely Nothing.

No response, no Facebook statuses, no speaking of this to mutual friends.

Zip. She is nothing, irrelevant. She is a fly outside your window, buzzing for attention.

Seriously, no response will drive her totally nuts. I can understand your anger, but honestly, someone who can react like this over seeing a book on your coffee table is not someone who you should be angry with. Pity perhaps.

JokersGiggle Sun 08-Jun-14 23:07:33

Haha! you lot have really made this day a lot less shit, so a massive thank you smile

EasyWhiteChocolate Sun 08-Jun-14 22:59:41

shock shock shock I didn't know people like this actually existed outside of TV soaps and dramas! What a complete and utter evil cow!

FloraFox Sun 08-Jun-14 22:54:25

grin capt

"We've got in-coming at 3 o'clock. Looks like Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus "

AskBasil Sun 08-Jun-14 22:45:47

<Snigger> at Fat is a Feminist Issue idea

SconeRhymesWithGone Sun 08-Jun-14 22:45:36

people like you in a certain place when you start to move they can't accommodate it!

Especially true for women. Oddly enough, it doesn't happen so much to men.

CaptChaos Sun 08-Jun-14 21:58:39

commence the great feminist book war

I had a mental image of all of us behind barricades throwing solid tomes at quailing MRAs.

'hand me a Female Eunuch, Buffy, we've got them on the run'

JokersGiggle Sun 08-Jun-14 21:54:47

Haha I can just imagine me being arrested for beating her with a feminist book. Oh I love silly wine induced giggles!

FloraFox Sun 08-Jun-14 21:30:24

Ferkin ell, that's a bit much. I was shock about the diet book. I was hoping you would escalate that with another feminist book (Woman Hating? Fat is a Feminist Issue?) through the door and commence the great feminist book war.

Monstermissy36 Sun 08-Jun-14 21:17:26

Ive recently got a new job and quickly achieved a promotion and I've worked bloody hard to get here. Starting from scratch with education etc. I've lost a few friends and a husband along the way hmm people like you in a certain place when you start to move they can't accommodate it!! Very very odd I don't understand it but fuck em!! wink

JokersGiggle Sun 08-Jun-14 21:16:50

I always knew she had a mean side (once slept with get sisters boyfriend) and didn't seem to care if she upset people. But she could justify things so well, always had a reason.
We do have mutual friends but they're all busy with new stages of their lives (motherhood, new job....) Actually thinking about it our "group" have all recent entered new stages of life except her. I highly doubt they give her any time.
I'm ignoring her and drinking some yummy wine.......and trying not to think about pulling her hair out or scratching her car.

CaptChaos Sun 08-Jun-14 21:02:26

Real life is slightly overrated imo.

FWR however, is a hotbed of friendliness and fist bumps.

I am much more the friend's type of feminist. The last thing anyone on earth would do would be to call me a bimbo.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Sun 08-Jun-14 20:58:46

Lost 2 friends in RL....

Gained about 66 presently in mn fwr life.

I'm from Essex. Dread to think what she might make of me. I'd enjoy putting her straight tho!


Lottiedoubtie Sun 08-Jun-14 20:30:47

Don't stoop to her level. She's clearly unhinged. Do you have mutual friends? What do they think about her at the moment? I'd wager you're not the only person being treated like this.

LoveSardines Sun 08-Jun-14 20:26:30



<jaw drops>

The roses will flower again, no permanent harm done.

Just ignore her and hope she goes away. That is seriously bizarre behaviour.

revolutionarytoad Sun 08-Jun-14 20:18:49

Secondary issue is that it's a back door way of making it appear as though feminism is only accessible and interesting to a smaller group of people (comprised mainly of lentil weavers with an axe to grind, to name something I've heard way too much), so various groups of the female population (in this case a group which would be considerably useful in a fight against feminist causes let's face it) are a) discouraged from exploring it and b) twats can point at the small number of people who are vocal feminists and tell people they're not popular aka not trustworthy, credible etc. And therefore actively reducing feminism's appeal and perceived legitimacy as a worthwhile cause, to whatever degree.

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