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"too much of a bimbo to be a feminist"

(87 Posts)
JokersGiggle Sat 07-Jun-14 22:49:48

That's what my friend said to me.
She saw the book "everyday sexism" on my coffee table earlier and burst out laughing. I asked her what was funny and she said it was nothing, we carried on as normal then she left.
She's just emailed me saying "sweetie I saw your little feminist book earlier and I need to point something out to you - your too much of a bimbo to be a feminist! You wear makeup, have highlights, like to look good, didn't go to uni and you let your guy look after you"
i'm really hurt by this. Yes I like to look good as it make me happy. I didn't go to uni, I choose to work my way up in my career (and personally I think I've done well). Yes I do let dp take me out for dinner once or twice a week but that's because I cook each evening and as dp is a truely awful cook he like to take me out so im not cooking every night of the week as his contribution to food. And yes he does pay for more things than me but he earns quite a lot more than me so we devide bills in relation to salary rather than 50/50.
How do I explain that feminism isn't about how you look, who you are, what you do or how you've been educated; its a way of thinking and a way of life. I've tried but each draft email sounds either snobby or shows how much she's hurt me.
Can anyone help?

EasyWhiteChocolate Sun 08-Jun-14 22:59:41

shock shock shock I didn't know people like this actually existed outside of TV soaps and dramas! What a complete and utter evil cow!

JokersGiggle Sun 08-Jun-14 23:07:33

Haha! you lot have really made this day a lot less shit, so a massive thank you smile

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 08-Jun-14 23:10:24

Wow, talk about your all-time overreactions.

Best thing you can do is Absolutely Nothing.

No response, no Facebook statuses, no speaking of this to mutual friends.

Zip. She is nothing, irrelevant. She is a fly outside your window, buzzing for attention.

Seriously, no response will drive her totally nuts. I can understand your anger, but honestly, someone who can react like this over seeing a book on your coffee table is not someone who you should be angry with. Pity perhaps.

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 08-Jun-14 23:11:37

You seem alright, Jokers. Isn't it horrible when a friend turns out to be a vicious, raving twatbadger?

CraicWhore Sun 08-Jun-14 23:13:49

Agree with anotherspinning please do not react in any way to her OP.
She sounds such a lose cannon it's not worth breathing a word of this to anyone in RL who might get back to her.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sun 08-Jun-14 23:18:06


Yes, leave it.

There are clearly, errr - issues there.

Placate yourself with a brilliant imaginary conversation, what you'll eventually perhaps get the chance to say to her if you run into her:

'Yes, I chose not to respond to you - are you surprised? Tbh when me and all the neighbours saw the incident with the roses I realised that the situation was clearly more about you and whatever had obviously been happening in your life, it was such a hideous and embarrassing thing to have done. I simply felt at that point that I didn't want to make life even harder for you, eg by taking things further with the police.'

JokersGiggle Sun 08-Jun-14 23:24:03

The problem is that I don't want her to go nuts as she's proven how unpredictable she is and she knows personal info about me. I don't have Facebook so if she says stuff about me in there I'll never know, but more importantly we have mutual friends and I work with her sister (well her sister reports to me) and I really don't want people knowing about my multiple MCs, cancer scare and various other bits and bobs.
We live in a small community which is mostly nice but gossip spreads like wild fire (thanks to the stepford tribe)

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 08-Jun-14 23:31:26

Best bet is to just never speak to her again, or mention her to others. If people ask if you've seen or heard from her, shrug it off. She's a loose cannon and you don't want to give her any ammunition. If she goes around speaking about you, then she'll look the idiot, not you, as you've said nothing about her.

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Sun 08-Jun-14 23:32:05

Not saying you need to be scared of her, just keep your dignity.

GarlicJuneBlooms Sun 08-Jun-14 23:49:28

What a weirdo shock

I was going to say: [1] Yes, this happened a lot to me (the bimbo thing) in the 70s, and [2] I loved your dignified book response. But - er, subsequent events have overshadowed all that! It doesn't sound like you have any control over whether she goes even more nuts or not. She can't possibly be expecting you to come begging for her friendship after decapitating your roses. I now think she set out to be nasty to you, and the sexism book was simply her first opportunity. She hates you, for reasons which I'm sure make sense only to herself in the middle of the night hmm Glide above it, if you can, and respond nicely to any third-party evidence that she's been gossiping. With any luck, she'll pick a more reactive target very soon and then have her breakdown.

It's a good time of year for rose beheading! They'll have even more flowers next month. Nature's revenge on spiteful neighbours grin

RhondaJean Sun 08-Jun-14 23:57:33

I REALLY love the idea of posting her fat is a feminist issue!

(but don't, obviously)

Longtalljosie Mon 09-Jun-14 08:07:39

Frankly if she's not the sort of person to respect a confidence then she'll probably have gossiped about you anyway sad

In any case, you can't stay friends with her just because you're scared of what might happen if you don't...

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