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My husband says i am not a feminist because..........

(47 Posts)
hedgetrimmer Sun 01-Jun-14 15:57:11

He says that theist part of feminist means that you are actively going around dping something about feminism,and that just believing in womens rights does not make you a feminist.

I disagree.

Is he right or not?

hedgetrimmer Sun 01-Jun-14 15:57:33

sorry, the "ist" part

DorothyGherkins Sun 01-Jun-14 16:00:27

But surely if you have feminist views all your actions will be coloured by those views? So you willl be doing stuff...

PacificDogwood Sun 01-Jun-14 16:01:34

Of course you can be a feminist, even if you are not a feminist activist.

Is your DH as feminist? wink

hedgetrimmer Sun 01-Jun-14 16:04:43

he says that "a real feminist" wouldnt agree that im a feminist because i wear make up and buy clothes that i think i will look nice in and stay at home to look after the kids and have a joint bank account.

Fairylea Sun 01-Jun-14 16:06:26

But you do all of those things because you choose to do them (I hope! smile ) so of course you are a feminist. At its base level being a feminist is about having equal right to choices. To choose to do whatever you like as much as the next person (ie a man).

Ifpigscouldfly Sun 01-Jun-14 16:07:02

WTF is a real feminist ?!

MrsCakesPremonition Sun 01-Jun-14 16:09:47

Your DH doesn't get to decide who is and who isn't a feminist.

pleaseaffixstamps Sun 01-Jun-14 16:09:54

I think it's not your husband's place to decide on whether a woman can call herself a feminist or not!

I think if you do anything in your life which asserts your rights to equal treatment as a woman - if you claim the right to the same expectations, opportunities and responsibilities as a man would (even if none of us presently get 'em), and you plan to teach those expectations to any daughters you may have, then yes, absolutely, you are "actively doing something about feminism".

I like Rebecca West's quote: "I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."

scallopsrgreat Sun 01-Jun-14 16:12:26

Having a joint account is a reason not to be feminist? grin I think I've heard it all now. How come he thinks your not doing anything about it? Conscious-raising is a huge tool for activists. Just writing this post here is a form of activism.

To put it not so politely your DH is talking shit and I for one would appreciate him not telling women how to do feminism. How about he does something about his male privilege instead? Because that's what he's just invoked by putting you down.

ballsballsballs Sun 01-Jun-14 16:21:33

I agree that it's not up to your DH to tell you whether or not you're a feminist.

Have you ever heard of mansplaining?

meditrina Sun 01-Jun-14 16:24:11

Feminism isn't monolithic. Nor is it necessarily activism; it's attitude.

And I don't think it's up to one individual to decide what level of activity is required.

If you want a world where people can make well-informed choices about their own lives, with sex differences only coming into play when genuinely rooted in biology rather than in expectations and stereotypes, then you are a feminist.

After all, you chose to be a SAHM. Would you feel it fair if you had been compelled to be one? Or if your DH could not choose to be a SAHD if that's what suited your family better?

AMumInScotland Sun 01-Jun-14 16:34:49

Tthe suffix -ist means that you believe in something, not that you have to do anything specific about it. Like an atheist believes there is no god. They don't have to go round 'preaching' atheism to be atheists.

And, anyway, he's talking crap. Feminists believe in equality for women. Equality which allows them to make choices.

You are free to choose to be a SAHM. Equally he is free to choose to be a SAHP. You are free to wear flowery dresses and makeup if you want to, or to wear dungarees and cut your hair very short, or anything in between.

Nobody ought to be limiting, or judging, your options in life because of things that have nothing to do with the actual issue.

DaVinciNight Sun 01-Jun-14 16:38:51

I would say that you can also show you are a feminist by the way you raise your sons, not just your daughters wink.
as shown by ds1 comments at school re women and sexism in the uk. I must have gone on him withs bit of a hammer

calmet Sun 01-Jun-14 17:17:07

It really isn't up to a man to decide if a woman is a feminist. Tell him that is a very unfeminist thing to do.

UptoapointLordCopper Sun 01-Jun-14 17:20:09

You can't be a feminist if you buy nice clothes? shock

OutsSelf Sun 01-Jun-14 19:40:15

MANSPLAINED! Ha ha, he's being a twat, that's my feminist analysis.

OutsSelf Sun 01-Jun-14 19:47:50

I think you would.count as a feminist whatsoever your "choice" to SAH. To my mind feminism isn't about those specific choices that you as an individual much as it is an analysis of the conditions that have produced your.options and make.any given course.of action more.attractive. For example, you may be choosing to SAH because childcare is not cost effective relative to your.earning power, which is a feminist issue. Also, the way that your choice leaves you financially vulnerable should your DH turn out to be a persistent twat, is a feminist issue. Not that you are or.are not a SAH parent

matildasquared Sun 01-Jun-14 19:50:28

He has totally earned his mansplaining badge today.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 01-Jun-14 19:50:34

Classic mansplaining!
Is a person not really a racist if they only think racist thoughts and don't go around actively victimising ethnic minorities?
What about being a Marxist? Do you need to be actively working to overthrow the capitalist system of power rather than just subscribing to a set of principles?
Your DH, for example, is a twat.

Greythorne Sun 01-Jun-14 19:58:26

Your husband does not get to decide if you or anybody else is a feminist. He is not in charge of feminism.

If you want to be a feminist, you can be one. It means no one is in charge of you. Except you.

Greythorne Sun 01-Jun-14 20:00:42

I just read your second post. Arghhhhh. He does not decide who the real feminists are and the fake feminists. It has nothing to do with him. The only thinks he can decide is if he wants to be a feminist (which means he believes that men and women deserve to be treated equally). Sadly for you, it does not sound like he is a feminist.

Velocirapture Sun 01-Jun-14 20:08:07

If you've got a vagina and you want to be in charge of it, you're a feminist. And your husband doesn't get to tell you if you are a feminist or not.

WhosLookingAfterCourtney Sun 01-Jun-14 20:30:04

Your dh is bei

WhosLookingAfterCourtney Sun 01-Jun-14 20:31:08


Your dh is bvvu(nfeminist)

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