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It's ok to be a "slacker dad"

(27 Posts)
Thecrazy88 Sat 22-Mar-14 13:43:41

I know the man has form, but I was rendered speechless when I read this in today's Guardian. Well, not quite, but nothing coherent came out of my mouth for some moments except a series of expletives. angry actually I didn't know who Alex bilmes was until I googled him, had I known he was the editor of Esquire I probably wouldn't have bothered reading his offensive, ignorant bullsh*t.

tribpot Sat 22-Mar-14 13:44:48

I saw the headline but I won't give them the page click. Presumably deliberately intended to inflame.

AnnieLobeseder Sat 22-Mar-14 13:52:09

For once, the comments section of an article has actually cheered me up!!

But what a self-involved, self-congratulatory tosser.

ProfondoRosso Sat 22-Mar-14 13:54:03

I've just read it in the magazine. What a pompous cunt.

Greythorne Sat 22-Mar-14 14:08:37

The article was so boring I have up.

StealthPolarBear Sat 22-Mar-14 14:10:05

I thought it was ok actually. Much how I feel. Mildly amusing.

TheScience Sat 22-Mar-14 14:17:52

I couldn't get through the whole thing, but I suspect both me and DP are slacker dads hmm Unfortunately this means we each do 40% of the housework.

CaptChaos Sat 22-Mar-14 18:46:06

I got about half way through before thinking, 'Nope, you're a cunt, hope your partner gives her head a wobble and finds an actual father for those children'

Quangle Sat 22-Mar-14 19:10:09

Came on to MN to rage about this having just thrown the mag across the room.

His thoughts can be boiled down to: I find drudgery boring so I palm it off on DW on the assumption that women are thicker and therefore less bored by playgrounds and wiping up sick.

Actually surprised this was in the Guardian. It's not even Daily Mail worthy.

Thecrazy88 Sat 22-Mar-14 19:20:08

The idea that him doing more "childcare" as he puts it (most people just call it parenting) would somehow mean she would see less of the children?! Wtf? It's not like you have to take it in turns! What about family time? Spending time with your kids individually? hmm

I hadn't read the comments as i read it in the magazine but there is a cracking one pointing out that men making more of an effort with their kids really are not doing so competitively; it speaks volumes really that he would assume that that is their motivation.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 22-Mar-14 22:41:15

Off to read it now but isn't this broadly what Toby Whatsit said?

Rhubarbcrumbled Sun 23-Mar-14 07:01:09

I've just read the article and I'm raging! He talks about being a rubbishy dad but at no point does he talk about being a husband. He doesn't have to be a perfect dad and be there all the time but it seems like he's just not bothered about being part of a functioning family. If he really cared about his wife and children he'd allow her to spend time with the children without having to worry about all the other crap in the house as well and then maybe she wouldn't feel so bad about having time outside the house because she actually got quality time with their children. My bet is that not only is his wife doing the childcare, but she sorts out the DIY, money and housework and all the other 'mind numbing' jobs he just doesn't have time for with his hectic job and need to slump in front of the football.

God, that felt good.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 23-Mar-14 08:58:37

"My son's dad went on paternity leave for more than a year, it was his boss and his father who made fun of that. This man, as the editor of Esquire, is propagating exactly that attitude that might discourage his employees to ask for extended paternity leave. I can't get my head around his rationale. Someone pointed it out in the comments, he is justifying his own unwillingness to compromise his freedom by belittling men who just want to take care of the ones they love"

Yy to this in the comments.

TheBakeryQueen Sun 23-Mar-14 09:13:26

His writing style is too waffly and repetitive. Too boring to read all of it. I got the impression that he is talking out of his arse and knows it.

Quangle Sun 23-Mar-14 11:08:51

Yes Toby Whatsit and James Delingpole also have form for this sort of dishonest bs.

LondonForTheWeekend Sun 23-Mar-14 19:11:38

Yeah he is an idiot but I did laugh at this nugget about his own father "if he'd ever offered to help with the housework, we'd have called an ambulance, or maybe the local TV news."

Baleno Mon 24-Mar-14 00:25:26

To each, their own. I would rather put more hours in the office. I would be a slacker dad, but I do have male friends who love taking care of their kids.

Spacetravel Mon 24-Mar-14 03:30:24

Being a slacker dad is not the point, as other posters have said, it's being a slacker family member. Deciding you don't want to do the boring bits of looking after your own children doesn't make you radically self directed and it doesn't magically turn your children into self sufficient creatures. It just means someone else has to do them. It just means you're lazy. It just means you're shirking your responsibility towards the children you chose to have. It just means you're devaluing and belittling the time and efforts of your partner/ childcare provider/ extended family.

ethelb Mon 24-Mar-14 18:17:08

What bothered me most was his decision to behave as he did, wasnt consented to by anyone. He seems to have never discussed his quite deliberately lazy approach to parenting with his 'girlfriend'. Or asked his children if they wanted to spend less time with him so they could spend more time with their mum confused

UptoapointLordCopper Mon 24-Mar-14 18:53:42

I would rather put more hours in the office too, but I find myself unaccountably drawn to smelly nappies, tantrums, laundry and the washing up. Damn you, biological determinism!

Quangle Mon 24-Mar-14 21:16:06

grin at uptoapoint

That really is his entire point. You are just programmed to do the drudge work and therefore do it better than him and therefore it's actually the free market's most efficient allocation of resources to have you doing the washing and wiping for free and him prancing around the world editing Esquire for cash hmm.

What it comes down to is that femaleness makes you able to deal with poo better.

JaneinReading Mon 24-Mar-14 21:35:18

I saw it and commented on the Guardian page.

I don't find hours of cleaning and childcare too much fun so I can understand his position. However why does his wife end up doing more than he does? It probably comes down to sexism , money, power and the way they were both brought up.

WhentheRed Tue 25-Mar-14 00:23:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beatrixparty Tue 25-Mar-14 09:14:00

I'd take it if I were you. The overwhelming majority of separating fathers do indeed agree and support mother getting residence of the children.

Yma O Hyd

TeacakeEater Tue 25-Mar-14 09:25:57

What a catch he appears to be. hmm

How mean to inflict yourself as a parent onto little kids if you really cba.

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