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Gutted to discover that my BF is a misogynist.

(57 Posts)
YouAreMyRain Sun 08-Dec-13 21:44:07

He believes that women who do manual work should be paid less as they tend to be given the easier jobs which are less physically demanding.

He thinks that life/business/politics is now a completely level playing field for women. I pointed out the lack of female world leaders compared to men, his response is that it is due to less women aspiring to be prime minister etc.

I also pointed out that business done eg on the golf course excludes women. He thinks that women should take up golf.

I have accidentally had a baby with this man. I am beyond gutted, I am devastated. I'm not sure I can continue in this relationship now hmm

Branleuse Thu 12-Dec-13 22:00:08

it is ok to have different viewpoints, as long as hes not a tory (obv)

I dont think you need to panic and be gutted over this. An illusion has been broken, but this is really about communication between you two, and how well you talk and discuss things.

My dp had some dodgy views about some things in the beginning, but we pretty much see eye to eye on most things politically, with the odd heated argument. I didnt choose him as a comrade, I chose him as a partner

AskBasilAboutCranberrySauce Thu 12-Dec-13 22:53:42


I can't imagine ever being in a relationship again, where my partner isn't also my comrade.

There's something about being able to share something you deeply care about, with the person you love and cherish, which as I've got older, I've realised the value of.

I know you don't need it - your partner is your partner and you've got political allies and friends to share political things with - but I think nowadays, I might find that a bit of a gap emotionally. Dunno.

BuffytheElfSquisher Fri 13-Dec-13 14:19:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loopytiles Fri 13-Dec-13 14:31:59

Does he do his fair share of domestic work and parenting OP? Are you working or planning to return, and if so does he support that?

Inclined to give benefit of doubt if his actions are good iyswim!

grimbletart Fri 13-Dec-13 14:43:17

it is ok to have different viewpoints, as long as hes not a tory (obi)

Like left-wing men don't have a history of being obnoxiously misogynistic. grin

whereisshe Fri 13-Dec-13 14:55:42

I see why you're upset OP. I'd be devastated if my husband genuinely believed that the under-representation of women in positions of power is due to less women aspiring to be prime minister etc. That's SO patronising (not to mention incorrect), and even if it were the case doesn't he think that's a problem? I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel if he's clumsily expressing a view that the world is designed by men for men (and the inherent set up therefore needs to change for greater equality between the sexes), but there's not enough info here to know if that's the case.

The manual labour thing is (to me) a different kind of worrying - is he actually saying that physical effort is the only thing that matters? Because I'd be bloody pissed off with (for example) a bricklayer if they got a wall up in 5 seconds flat but it was completely wonky and then fell down. I can't think of any physical pursuit where strength is the ONLY attribute that matters. If all he sees is the strength aspect, then he's overplaying the muscle side of things (which anyone with more testosterone is going to excel at) and ignoring the nuances - not overtly sexist in itself, but could indicate that he values typically male characteristics over other things (ie thinks being a bloke is great, and doesn't see why non-bloke attributes should be valued).

I hope you can have a sensible chat with him about this sad... Best case, he's just not thought it through and is parroting someone else's views.

Branleuse Fri 13-Dec-13 18:15:07

well i kind of like my dp to be my comrade too, but i dont see that what he says means he is unteachable., He might just have not thought about it much

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