Lapdancing and telling off dh's mate.

(366 Posts)
Manchesterhistorygirl Wed 02-Oct-13 17:41:54

I blame you lot. Thanks.

Last night dh's friend was telling him all about his recent visit to a lap dancing bar. I told him he and his mates were a bunch of twats and I was disgusted at them all, especially since they all have partners.

I also told dh if I ever found out he'd done the same it'd be the absolute last thing he ever did.

So my nest of vipers, thank you for giving me the confidence to handle a situation I've always found disgusting, but wouldn't have ever spoken out about until I joined here.

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 12:14:22

Zippey sorry.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 03-Oct-13 12:15:50

It's sexist because the 'business' is based on half-dressed women gyrating for men's titillation.

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 12:22:59

Women do get lapdances too, but not too many

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 12:35:47

...and not in a culture where men are regularly presented as having no value other than as sexual playthings.

MomentForLife Thu 03-Oct-13 12:42:29

I don't think lapdancing clubs are going anywhere, and a lot of women say they like doing it, they're using men for money etc. My personal feeling is it's degrading but that's me.

My issue is that if you have a partner, you're degrading them aswel. As if they're not enough. It's all just a bit of fun and their feelings aren't important because you want to see some boobs

YoniTime Thu 03-Oct-13 12:49:30

Isn't this amazing, btw? It should be the standard of every country.

Manchesterhistorygirl Thu 03-Oct-13 13:30:54

Good god, I am controlling and abusive for making it 100% clear that I do not approve, condone! tolerate or expect this type of behaviour, especially not when the discussion is taking place in my house. Your damn right I'd be furious with dh if he ever went to one of these places. I'm furious with dh's mate because he is my children's godfather and I am disgusted with this behaviour, even more so when he was bragging about it. He's in his 40's so in no way can he blame peer pressure.

If your partners (you apologist women) went out and a random woman was pushing her boobs and bum in their face and they went along with it, would you be happy with it or would you be posting on relationships?

I do not agree with exploitation in any guise and I am frankly astonished that so many on this thread think I am controlling and abusive because of that. As the mother of boys it is important that they see women as their equals, not as some form of paid for titillation.

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 13:36:57

<punches fist in air in gesture of feminist solidarity>

libertarianj Thu 03-Oct-13 13:42:04

Zippy Buffy likes to makes assumptions about how everybody thinks, to fit her agenda. she also ignores the numerous dancers who have spoke out in support of their jobs too.

And yes, before you say it, I know that there are male strippers. There are significantly fewer and the circumstances under which they perform are very different.

how exactly exactly are their circumstances different? Most male strippers go mobile and there certainly aren't any things like no touching rules or cctv.

and OP I think you are out of order for challenging your husbands friends like that, regardless of what the issue was. You should have spoke to your husband about it later, and told him you didn't approve of his friends comments/ views, rather than embarrass him like that. How would you feel if your husband spoke to your friends like that? Ever heard of being tactful?

ReviewsOffers Thu 03-Oct-13 13:42:26


you again.

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 13:45:04

Hello lib. Lib likes to place his own interpretation upon the words people use, has no compunction about stating as fact his (erroneous as it happens) assumptions about the thought processes of other posters and consistently demands scientific evidence without recognising that for many people a popular obsession with scientism is in fact a tool of oppression.

This is a bit like writing a dating profile for a friend, except for online discussion fora grin

Manchesterhistorygirl Thu 03-Oct-13 13:45:26

Like I said he was sat on the sofa in my house, bragging about his exploits at a lap dancing club. Quite frankly I couldn't give a monkeys if he felt embarrassed, so he should, but obviously I shall keep my opinions to myself in future and just smile and nod at the men folk and their funny ways.

ReviewsOffers Thu 03-Oct-13 13:46:24

that's the ticket my girl. Know your place

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 13:49:37

OK, so let's look at some evidence. because Buffy needs a break from serious writing right now

lap dancers are females, paid to display their bodies provocatively for men. They are being treated as sex objects by the men that pay for their services. They are also given very poor terms of employment by the clubs.

And men visiting these clubs help perpetuate the culture that sees no issue in the proliferation of women's bodies being packaged and sold for male titillation, thus creating a significant barrier to equality. Also people are saying that women shouldn't express their opinions on the matter, or that they should only do so if asked or in certain polite and diffident ways.

Well, I find no evidence of any statements about the thought processes of individuals there, just observations about behaviour and culture.

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 13:55:34

Buffy - that's not true

ReviewsOffers Thu 03-Oct-13 13:56:47

Do explain, yougotbale

ReviewsOffers Thu 03-Oct-13 13:57:43

Or you know what.... I've lost interest

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 03-Oct-13 13:58:02

OP I think you are out of order for challenging your husbands friends like that, regardless of what the issue was. You should have spoke to your husband about it later, and told him you didn't approve of his friends comments/ views, rather than embarrass him like that. How would you feel if your husband spoke to your friends like that? Ever heard of being tactful?

Doesn't that just say it all?

Women! Don't you dare speak out of place whilst in the presence of your husband and his friends. If you must say something, wait till later when you won't embarrass him or yourself. FFS.

Women! Know your place

Lib. She is an equal to her husband and can say what she fucking likes to who she fucking likes. She's not a subordinate to him.

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 14:01:38

Lapdancers are normally women. That display that dance for both men and women. I know women that go to these places e.g. My gay friend went for her hen party, rihanna goes.

People don't think the OP shouldn't speak up. She shouldn't try and control her husband by threatening to kill him if he does something she doesn't like.

Do you know how clubs in the uk are owned by women?

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 03-Oct-13 14:02:17

Oh, sorry everyone. Did I want women to be treated as equals for a second there? Silly me!

Here's some fluffy kittens for all the women here.

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:02:29

What ain't true bale?

BuffytheFeministFeminist Thu 03-Oct-13 14:03:29

Those kittens are indeed cute. I feel strangely calmed.

Yougotbale Thu 03-Oct-13 14:04:07

Your last post

Manchesterhistorygirl Thu 03-Oct-13 14:05:08

It's not just "something I don't like" bale, it's as good as cheating in my view. You're just paying for instead. I know he'd feel exactly the same if the situation were reversed.

ReviewsOffers Thu 03-Oct-13 14:05:43

who cares whether women do it too?

that's classic derailing and it betrays the limited stupidly wrong view of feminism that anti feminists always have. It's not that we hate men so whatever they do it's wrong. That's arse about tit (pardon the pun)

The issue is some practises cause harm to women and if you indulge in them you are wrong and should expect to be told so when you boast about it.

it is simple

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