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To be baffled at the male assumption that random women will wish to engage in sexual inuendo

(136 Posts)
Greythorne Thu 13-Jun-13 09:01:01

I do a lot of volunteering at my DCs school. I run a library and send out group emails with class info etc. (We are in France).

Yesterday, I send a group email asking for people to return their DCs library books.

One father replied that he would bring the book to the summer fair on saturday. Fine, says I, I will be running the "throw a sponge at the headmaster" stand, so look out for me there.

Father responds: Ooooh, is that the wet tee shirt stand?
Me: Gosh, I hope not. I will be rescinding my offer of help if so.
Father: Oh, don't say that, you might win!
Me: hmm

WTAF? Why? Why? Why?

I am a forty-something happily married mother running a library (FFS) and still I am seen as a target for sexual banter.

And yet so many women don't want to be feminists. Bangs head on desk.

PromQueenWithin Mon 17-Jun-13 14:40:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneMoreChap Tue 18-Jun-13 11:49:13

Sounds like an ignorant pillock. It happens, and sad to say if you point it out (even as a bloke) you are derided as not having a sense of humour.

I can understand why you didn't reply.

And yes, some women may like to engage in "banter" like that, and some women may suggestively chat to/sexually harass young men for giggles, but that's not what the OP is about.

Was it right the OP should have been exposed to that nonsense? No, and I can't see how there's an argument about that.

KaseyM Tue 18-Jun-13 18:11:56

This reminds me of the time I accidentally walked into the wrong part of a pub and found myself in the middle of a stag party. Surrounded by 50+ men yelling at me "Get your titis out!" was quite intimidating but I managed to let my rage be known before I legged it (courtesy of bartender stepping in to help me out).

Later a male relative expressed sympathy for the yelling men, saying "They weren't to know. If another woman had walked it she might have found it funny and had a laugh with them".

As women aren't a homogeneous unit it would be nice to assume that the default setting was: don't yell "get your tits out" at random women unless they have signalled to you that they want you to. Just a thought...

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 18-Jun-13 18:50:53

Kasey, that's horrible sad and very physically threatening for you.

KaseyM Tue 18-Jun-13 19:54:45

It was Doctrine, but we wouldn't want to let that get in the way of some drunk mens' entitlement to have a bit of fun now would we? grin

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 18-Jun-13 21:42:23

It goes back to the "teaching not to be a dick" thread, I think - many posters were unreceptive to the way that message was sent, but whilst I think posters could assert that their close male friends and family wouldn't commit sexual assaults, I think that asserting they wouldn't be one of the men shouting, or even one of the men rolling their eyes but not saying anything, would be a far harder assertion.

Sorry, bit off topic but I do think that many men are either bad at or simply don't care to see which of their behaviour is intimidating.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 18-Jun-13 21:46:45

Right, well, that post made little sense.

To clarify, there was a thread about the Mitch Benn quote that more time should be spent teaching boys not to be dicks than teaching girls how to handle boys being dicks. Your example, Kasey, was exactly that - YOU had to handle it by talking to the barman and leaving the bar, an alternate suggestion was that you handled it by laughing along and being flattered or whatever (grr) - no suggestion that actually it was the stag party's responsibility not to be dicks.

scallopsrgreat Tue 18-Jun-13 21:55:47

Yes DoA. Women are expected to be responsible for men's behaviour (or at the very least handling it). That is why victim blaming goes on in rape/DV cases. That is why Nigella is expected to leave Saatchi and no expectation on Saatchi to stop being an abusive prick.

SplitHeadGirl Tue 18-Jun-13 22:07:41

It is getting harder and harder to like and respect men. And I speak as one with a wonderful husband (who also doesn't like men very much) and a beautiful, innocent son. It is so sad.

ThirdTimesABrokenFanjo Tue 18-Jun-13 22:24:32

Later a male relative expressed sympathy for the yelling men, saying "They weren't to know. If another woman had walked it she might have found it funny and had a laugh with them".

Even if that were true (and it's obviously bollocks) even if 99 out of a hundred woman would think it was hilarious.. if one out of 100 women are going to think wholly shit this is a bit scary and rapey Wouldn't the decent thing to do be not risk it? confused

it can't NOT occur to them (or you family member) that some women will find it highly threatening?

ThirdTimesABrokenFanjo Tue 18-Jun-13 22:25:16

holy blush

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