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Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

(584 Posts)
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 17:08:20

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots. smile

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. confused Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 19:32:29

Well said estoy. And how fucking creepy is that, if they think you are 'fair game'. Eww.

sayanything Tue 11-Jun-13 19:34:24

The inevitable 'But who looks after your DC?" when I mention that my job involves a lot of traveling. Would anyone ever ask DH that? Mind you, I do call them up on it.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Tue 11-Jun-13 19:42:18

Yes Malenky - his chivalry made life nicer and better for you smile rather than being an empty gesture for box ticking purposes.

I really hate the phrase 'having it all' - as if wanting a career, financial independence, children, good relationships and a varied and fulfilling life was crazy and irrational.

newtonupontheheath Tue 11-Jun-13 19:43:59

I don't usually post in this section but its been bugging me for weeks...

Bloke across the road's girlfriend has moved in with him, and she has a sign in her car: "Beware! Woman driver!" Makes me want to weep hmm

Why? Just why?!

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 19:44:47

Well, I wouldn't even call it 'chivalry' (I was being a bit sarcastic). I meant, it's clear it's perfectly possible to do little, courteous things for people without making anyone feel there's any sexism involved. It was quite obvious he'd have done exactly the same for a bloke.

Agree with you about 'having it all'. hmm

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 19:45:39

newton - ohhh, that was piss me off no end! It is annoying, isn't it? I mean, what on earth are you meant to do anyway?

LeGavrOrf Tue 11-Jun-13 19:45:47

Being referred to as a lady. Fr some reason it sounds worse in the plural 'ladies'

Fuck off I am a woman.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 11-Jun-13 19:49:08

The three main Octonauts being male.

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 19:52:45

Ooh ... gavrorf, you'd have loved the toilets at Radfem2013 then. As we were all women they'd set up the gents for us with screens across the urinals (not sure we were that delicate and blushing, but still). And the venue had set up signs reading 'ladies'. Someone promptly crossed out 'ladies' and wrote 'WOMEN'. grin

It made me snigger, anyway.

superbagpuss Tue 11-Jun-13 19:55:11

I hate the cars/driving thing
I love cars and bikes and men talk down to me about them.

and I love to drive, just because I have a practical car doesn't mean its not the fast exciting OK he in the range

JacqueslePeacock Tue 11-Jun-13 19:55:41

This really is a first world problem. It's not something that makes me angry, but it is something that's been bothering me:

Why are there no common non-gendered expressions equivalent to "good boy" or "good girl" for small children? I don't always want to draw attention to the maleness of my toddler every single time I praise him, but "good child" sounds ridiculous. When he was smaller, I used "clever baby!" etc, but now I can't think how to phrase it without "boy". I don't think I could say "clever toddler!" or I would get funny looks.

Similarly, when I'm encouraging him to do something more grown up (use an open cup rather than a sippy cup, say), I end up saying things like "you’re using a big boy's cup, well done". It's not a big boy's cup, it's a big CHILD's cup, but that sounds all wrong. I'm concerned i'm giving the impression that all these growing up activities are explicitly for boys, or that I'm reinforcing his gendered identity in conversation all the time, but I can't seem to find a better way to phrase it.

Can you tell I've been over-thinking this?!

grimbletart Tue 11-Jun-13 19:58:25

When I used to commute by train I would notice how the man would drive himself to the station, then his wife would get out of the passenger seat, walk round and drive the car off. In the evening the women would drive up to the station and when the husband came to the car she would go round to the passenger side and he would get in and drive. WTAF is that all about?

Blistory Tue 11-Jun-13 20:01:51

Poor Lionel - there was him hoping that we were once, twice, three times a lady and you go and spoil it all.

And then there's John whose jealousy isn't his fault and it's okay because he didn't mean to hurt me or make me cry, it's just that he's a jealous guy.

Feminism has ruined so many songs for me that I used to naively sing along to.

NeverendingStoryteller Tue 11-Jun-13 20:02:48

I hate the assumption that it's my job to sort out gifts and cards and to remember birthdays and anniversaries, etc. Oh, and hate being the only one to book hair cuts and other appointments for DS.

We just moved house and all the electric bills were addressed Mr Neverending. I threw them out. DH and I have different names, so there was no Mr Neverending at that address. Eventually, I phoned the company and complained, telling them that they risked a lengthy and ridiculous debt recovery process as a result of assuming that a man paid the bills in our house. Whatever happened to the gender-neutral approach of 'new occupant' or 'householder'?

bigkidsdidit Tue 11-Jun-13 20:03:46

like the 'man up' above I hate that people on here use 'grow a pair' so often. Implying one has to become a man to be brave. Although I suppose they could be referring to ovaries grin

TheCrackFox Tue 11-Jun-13 20:11:02

I hate the way a lot of men sit on public transport - apparently their genitals are so massive that they have to spread their legs miles apart meaning I lose a third of my seat. Bloody rude.

SingingSilver Tue 11-Jun-13 20:12:20

An electrician I had called to do some work at my house came to look over what needed doing, then came down and had a conversation about it - with a male friend of mine who had called in and who was nothing to do with it! I pointed out that my friend didn't live at my address, and the electrician rolled his eyes at him - I have no idea what he was tryign to communicate! Needless to say I went elsewhere in the end.

Oh, and another time my boiler was acting up, sometimes the 'water heater' button on the panel would work, sometimes it wouldn't. When it got too tempermental I switched it off and called someone. He was upstairs for two minutes, then left calling over his shoulder 'You just 'adn't turned it on love!' I'm sure he loved telling his mates about the bimbo who called him out to switch the water heater on, which I suppose is why he wasn't going to hang around to get a possible explanation. Idiot!

bisley Tue 11-Jun-13 20:13:52

JacquesiePeacock - I've never used the phrase 'good girl' for my dds. Not necessarily from a gender point of view, more because I prefer to say 'well done' or 'that's clever' or 'great colouring in' or somesuch.

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 20:14:09

I do slightly want to start a quiet feminist revolution against that one. Shall we perhaps start sitting with wide legs, or at least colonizing the arm rest?

It really irritates me how many men just automatically take up the arm rest. Trivial, I know, but annoying.

FriskyHenderson Tue 11-Jun-13 20:16:21

'Walks like Rhianna' playing on every radio station. She can't sing, she's can't dance, but who cares she is wearing very few clothes walks like Rhianna - argh hmm

LeGavrOrf Tue 11-Jun-13 20:19:00

That is bloody funny that about the loos at radfems. grin

I agree about the armrests on trains. That is so annoying.

jinglebitch Tue 11-Jun-13 20:19:44

When groups of children are fussing or chatting they get told off for having a "mothers' meeting", and boys are told to "stop whining like a girl"- (am a teacher)

My mum and dad have been known to bring my dad's home brew beer with them when coming for lunch, so 'the boys can have a drink'. It drives me to distraction.

Thank you for this outlet- am sure I shall think of more!

SingingSilver Tue 11-Jun-13 20:21:43

bigkids I don't understand the 'grow some balls' phrase either.

I once accidentally flicked my ex in the balls, and I mean flicked, if I'd flicked the back of his head with the same force he may not even have felt it, and he was on the floor for ages. It really surprised me that he was temporarily incapacitated by something so minor. How do they cope with an actual kick to the balls? confused

superbagpuss Tue 11-Jun-13 20:22:48

my mum complains to me if my house looks a mess

I have a sah husband and a cleaner

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 11-Jun-13 20:24:51

It's funny, like LeGavrOrf I'm not crazy about being called a lady also because in my head I'm about 23 but I find myself warming to laydee. grin Maybe in an ironic way...

I have to carry out a lot of DBS (formerly CRB) checks at work and the system does not recognise 'Ms.' as an allowable title for a woman who has not been married before. If you put in Ms. at the top of the form, it insists that you have to add a previous surname. Bugs the shit out of me.

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