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Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

(584 Posts)
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 17:08:20

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots. smile

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. confused Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

Blistory Tue 11-Jun-13 18:24:30


It's my car, I haven't suddenly lost the ability to drive because a man with a penis is now sitting in it so please don't expect me to hand over my keys. Equally, it's okay for me to get rip roaringly drunk so just because I have a vagina does not mean that I get to be the designated driver. How about taking it in turns ?

but you're still never getting the keys to my pride and joy

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 18:27:38


Oh, my lord, yes.

DH can't drive but people still assume it must be his car. Bless him, he hasn't the foggiest.

mignonette Tue 11-Jun-13 18:31:15

The constant lascivious loitering of the camera over the semi naked bodies of brutalised/terrorised women in too many films.

The even more rampant sexism seen in Christmas ad campaigns. They are littered with it.

The extinction of female body hair in print and on screen.

ProfYaffle Tue 11-Jun-13 18:35:45

yy, the driving thing drives me mad. Dh and I went out one evening, I was driving, him drinking. Next day Dh was telling pil that he'd had too much to drink was feeling rough, they were amazed. "You had too much to drink?!", "Yes", "shock but you were driving home!", "No, Prof drove". They turn to me "shock shock you?!! shock oh well done." Me: <punch>

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 18:52:52


The adverts for veet and similar where she smoothes the cream onto her hairless legs ... WTF? confused

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Tue 11-Jun-13 18:54:31

A really trivial thing I noticed on last fm. When they play tracks they have a photomontage of the artist/band instead of video iyswim. When they play male artists they stick to long shots or close ups. But with female artists there are long lingering swoops and pans along their body and particularly resting on their tits, crotch and arse. I noticed this on. Destiny's Child track (yes I know blush) where there were hardly any images of their faces !

This may not be scientific.

Blistory Tue 11-Jun-13 19:01:06

Veet is the work of the devil. Why would I want to put such toxic crap on my legs just to be rid of some harmless hair ? Do I really want to incur chemical burns just so my pits are deemed inoffensive ?

When logic is applied, there really is no justification for removing body hair but even knowing that, I still cringe if I haven't shaved my legs and need to expose them for some reason and yet, I don't think twice about seeing another woman's hairy bits.

Hmm, I might be a feminist but I'm obviously far from being a brave feminist.

WuzzleMonkey Tue 11-Jun-13 19:04:10

Judginess about housework/lack thereof ALWAYS directed at women.

My Mum is very good at this - complaining about the state of someone's house and saying it's because the wife does no housework (and it's always about people where both partners work full time).

SugarandSpice126 Tue 11-Jun-13 19:07:37

"Man up"...I need an alternative! I hate it but it sounds so petty to call people up on it!

SugarandSpice126 Tue 11-Jun-13 19:09:03

Blistory I'm exactly the same about hair - I wish I didn't care or was brave enough to not be pressured into it!

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 19:09:14

Veet just doesn't work on me. I could leave it there overnight and I'd still be furry.

sugar - woman up, will ya?!

ExasperatedSigh Tue 11-Jun-13 19:12:29

The fact that Hollywood film poster s always have the male actors' names first, even on the rare occasion that the film's central character is a woman.

mikkii Tue 11-Jun-13 19:12:55

The fact that when DH has to work (or has to go out hmm) on his day to look after DC3, it is somehow MY job to make alternative arrangements. You see my mother every week, you see your own mother every week, their phone numbers are programmed into the phone. YOU ask them for once.

Optimist1 Tue 11-Jun-13 19:14:09

Don't get me started!! A couple of my pet gripes ...

The fact that saying your title is "Ms" still astonishes people - I've chosen to be Ms for more years than I care to admit, and it still isn't taken as "normal". (There are some websites where you have no option but "Mrs" or "Miss"!)

People who refer to fathers looking after their children as "babysitting" when they wouldn't dream of applying that term to mothers.

The driving things (above).

Must stop now, or I'll work myself into a frenzy!!

Blistory Tue 11-Jun-13 19:16:20

The default being man annoys me too. Why always him, he, man , or male ?

Just been for a walk with the dog and even with a dog, the default is 'him' if the dog is big and hairy. No, she is big and hairy and can be aggressive - they aren't characteristics or traits only man dogs have. Nor is a big, hairy dog something that I can't handle as a mere woman but thanks for telling me that only five minutes ago.

bisley Tue 11-Jun-13 19:19:53

I went to see Star Trek recently. The adverts beforehand really made me feel like I just wasn''t supposed to be there. Even the ones that weren't for 'blokey things' like beer and cars (because I neither drink beer or drive cars, what with being a laydee...) were all about boys/men. Except for the last one which featured Joanna Lumley talking about what a 'thicky' she was about computers! Argh!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Tue 11-Jun-13 19:20:21

I work in a listed building with ancient and tiny lifts. Whenever there is a group of men and women in the lift, most of the men, being chivalrous annoying, will insist on the women leaving first even if this means squeezing past them in a crammed space with dodgy doors. It's really inconvenient and it's not polite or gentlemanly.

Blistory Tue 11-Jun-13 19:22:43

Women who choose not to have children being seen as freaks.

Men who choose not to have children being seen as fun loving bachelors.

Marriage - 2 grown up adults in a healthy loving relationship want to formalise that. Why on earth does it need the man to propose ? Why are women who propose generally pitied and ridiculed ?

Tweet2tweet Tue 11-Jun-13 19:24:07

When buying anything technical, sales assistants speak to the male. I once actually had some one on a helpline as if my husband was in the house. I asked why and the said 'because this involves a screw driver'!
I have a pgrad science related qualification so am technically more tech savvy than DH! However I'm not a man so doesn't matter ;)

ToffeePenny Tue 11-Jun-13 19:25:48

My American friends have a decent alternative to the 'man up' phrase:

'Put your Big Girl Panties on'

Nessalina Tue 11-Jun-13 19:28:07

Customers that assume that the branch manager is a man, and look surprised when it turns out to be me! Yes, they let women run branches now too! hmm

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 19:28:51

Oh, I hate that, it makes me think of Bridget Jones. Irrational, I know.

blistory - well said!

Can we also go with, women who don't currently have children being a fair target for umpteen dozen questions about why? angry

Though, I will say, I proposed to DH and no-one has ridiculed me. It was clearly the sensible way around since I always knew he wanted to get married and I was the one who needed more time, so he would have felt pushy to propose.

EstoyAqui Tue 11-Jun-13 19:29:17

People assuming that I am not married as I have no ring on my finger. I'm happily married thank you but I don't need a ring on my finger to prove it. Also, just because I am not wearing one it doesn't make me 'fair game'.

Being told 'you've got a right one there, mummy's boy', er no, he is 2 and just being affectionate.

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 19:31:38

tondelayo - that does sound annoying.

However, on the subject of chivalry, I was at this radfem conference at the weekend, and we were all colonizing the pub opposite when my conference programme went flying away in the wind. A lovely bloke dashed after it for me and brought it back, and I thought, what a lovely man, because he's clearly seen all of us here, and seen my conference programme, and he didn't do anything artificial, he just did what he'd normally do for anyone.

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