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Still upset..."I hate feminists"

(32 Posts)
Youcanringmybell Sun 26-May-13 11:41:16

I visited some distant family a week ago. We were having a pleasant meal when one of the guys comments on the education system failing young men ( i have just started working in Education).

I agreed that this does seem to be the case. He then said "That is why I hate feminists". My mouth fell open.
He launched into a tirade of vitriol against how all feminists are like Harriet Harman, they we all want men 'bred out' and that because men pay the most taxes and women need maternity leave, feminists are basically the downfall of Britain today.

I consider myself a feminist. I told him this. I also told him that in MY limited experience feminists did NOT believe in Eugenics and the control of male births and infanticide (as he implied). That mosts feminists just want not to be assaulted verbally about the size of their tits, given less pay for the same jobs and not to open a newspaper and and see yet more breasts.

This man is friendly, intelligent and works in a caring profession.
Without a mentality like his we wouldn't need a feminist movement. I wish I knew more and then could have argued his points.

Sunnywithshowers Mon 27-May-13 14:51:22

While some fems may want to kill boy babies, across the world girl babies are being killed. hmm

Twibble Mon 27-May-13 14:42:15

Presumably he'd seen this quote from radfemhub.

A lot of similar comments were uncovered a while back by an infiltrator to the radfemhub site. I suppose he'd picked this up somewhere and used it to attack feminism generally.

Vegeshamwidge Mon 27-May-13 11:31:23

OP that's crazy! Did you tell him that real gay men wants to kill all girl babies and create a gay-only paradise in the UK? (No you didn't, because you're a non-crazy person)

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 27-May-13 09:27:01

Oh, actual feminists?

I love how that both implies that the rest of us are somehow not actual feminists, and insults feminism.

Btw, slight tangent, but why is it that a certain type of person thinks it's a real compliment to tell you you're not a feminist? confused Like I'm going to blush, giggle, and agree?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 27-May-13 09:26:06

...if a similar generalisation had been made about a sexuali orientation or a race or a religion.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 27-May-13 09:25:08

He said "actual feminists want to kill boy babies"? And the atmosphere remained nicey-nicey at the table?

Wonder what the response would have been if a similar generalusat

Honestly, I despair (not of you, OP, of this guy).

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 26-May-13 21:31:49

It is stunning me, at the moment, how many gay Tories seem to be fairly homophobic, too.

But that's another story.

scottishmummy Sun 26-May-13 21:30:29

you've called it about right,social mileu isn't time for a full on ideological debate
you made your pov known,you didn't acquiesce to his opinion
one doesn't need be combative to make a point,often making it is enough

FairPhyllis Sun 26-May-13 21:23:49

Unfortunately being a potential target for homophobia doesn't mean you're not totally oblivious to your own male privilege or openly misogynistic. I have seen some quite viciously nasty gay male misogyny.

Youcanringmybell Sun 26-May-13 20:46:29

Coal - No of course not, long forgotten for my husband. His eyes are not 'open' when it comes to these things. He is very passive. When I point things out though he understands and takes it on board. He has made me proud about a few things recently. He is maturing nicely wink

LRD - Well done for speaking up too then!!

Scone - Glad you agree. I was worried my mentioning his sexuality was inappropriate?

SconeRhymesWithGone Sun 26-May-13 20:20:55

He is a gay man and I thought that he would understand a little more about how people are victimised and belittled for no good reason at all.

He should indeed. There are many parallels between homophobia and sexism against women.

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 26-May-13 20:03:31

I find it extremely difficult to speak up, too. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I was with a mate recently, and honestly, if she'd not been there to tell me afterwards 'yes, you did speak up', I would have felt as if I hadn't, because the bloke in question completely steamrollered past everything I said.

CoalDustWoman Sun 26-May-13 19:58:27


Does your husband feel a failure?

Youcanringmybell Sun 26-May-13 19:56:34

Thank you all thanks
I did feel a bit of a failure but now I will have more confidence to speak up next time. I don't expect to change anyone's mind but I would hate them to think I agreed.

CoalDustWoman Sun 26-May-13 19:51:05

You did great.

Bit worrying that 2/3 of the non-MREs didn't, though. When good people do nothing and all that. That's why I think working out this stuff on-line is so valuable - it worked for him, because no-one except you had a response and he'd already honed his (non) arguments.

You wouldn't have changed his mind, though, so don't worry that you failed in any way.

Youcanringmybell Sun 26-May-13 19:32:42

My husband was there and the mans mum. She left the table as she obviously didn't like the 'tension'. My husband said very little and I was worried he agreed. I raised it with him and he said it all sounded very odd and strange (so relieved he didn't agree).

It was all fairly nicey-nicey at the table. I didn't want to cause a scene and felt out of my depth because he is so well read on all his anti-feminist bullshit.
But I didn't stay silent. I told him he was mistaken. That is not what feminists do.

CoalDustWoman Sun 26-May-13 19:24:01

That doesn't even make any sense.

You met a real life MRE - I thought they only existed on-line.

Were you with other people? If so, did anyone else say anything?

Youcanringmybell Sun 26-May-13 19:21:16

Yes LRD - He mansplained how feminists have ruined young men's chances to work and pay the taxes that the country so desperately need because of all the women taking maternity leave...

scottishmummy Sun 26-May-13 18:44:49

as with all sweeping generalisations he is of course wrong
of course it irks,well done in retorting back
to be contrary I'd make some sweeping generalisations about his beliefs,see how he likes

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 26-May-13 18:39:05


This reminds me of something.

Some men (and women) will always want to lecture you on how they don't like feminists, feminists are doing everything wrong, etc. etc.

I agree with LeStew that it's unlikely you could have said anything to change his mind. He obviously doesn't hear or accept anything that doesn't fit his world view, or he'd have noticed the blindingly obvious fact that he's talking a load of shite.

Youcanringmybell Sun 26-May-13 17:07:10

Thank you.

I argued that his points about Feminism were how the media portray the feminists i.e as men hating psychotics and that is not what true feminism is about.
I raised the issues of Page three - which he said was small potatoes to what actual feminists want to do (kill boy babies apparently).

He is a gay man and I thought that he would understand a little more about how people are victimised and belittled for no good reason at all.

Pfaffer Sun 26-May-13 16:52:47

I think you answered him well, to be honest smile

The point about schools and boys is far too complex to be reduced to 'the feminists did it'. It benefits everyone (except some of the children) to have children sitting still doing a certain kind of work which can be reduced to relatively simple data points. A quantifiable and passive education system is the result of that.

HumphreyCobbler Sun 26-May-13 16:46:27

he sounds very, very stupid

I think you countered his arguments well, but you were never going to get anywhere with someone like this.

Moominsarehippos Sun 26-May-13 16:43:12

Maybe its just his personal experience and he assumes women hate all men, not just crap-spouting eedgits!

StuffezLaYoni Sun 26-May-13 16:37:50

I always wonder about people with views like this. Do they genuinely believe them or have they heard them from someone else and evidence to peddle them on? I cannot think of a set of life experiences anyone could have that would lead them to believe women genuinely want to wipe men out...

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