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Are men and women socialised to find each other sexually attractive even if they don't respect each other? Or what?

(54 Posts)
BasilBabyEater Thu 25-Apr-13 11:46:31

I've been reading a thread on which the subject of domestically incompetent men came up and I didn't want to de-rail that thread but it sparked a thought I'd quite like to discuss. I'm thinking about the men who claim they can't take responsibility for childcare or managing the planning and cleaning of their homes ("you tell me what to do and I'll do it" in other words, "I don't own this work, you do and you're responsible for thinking about it and planning it and then directing me").

As I've got older I realise I simply don't fancy any man who I don't respect anymore. I don't respect men who are so pathetic that they opt out of taking adult responsibility for their own children and homes so I don't fancy them, even if they're really gorgeous. Is that just an oddity, something to do with getting older and not finding sex quite so urgent so therefore being more discriminating about who I'd want to do it with, or is it because I now expect more from my relationships than I did when I was young? Is it just because I source my respect for a man from different things than I did then? (I think when I was in my twenties, I would have simply accepted a very untidy man who didn't sort his own housework out as messy and it would not have had any effect on my estimation of him, whereas now, I'd see it as inconsiderate, entitled and selfish and so it would affect my respect for him and therefore my sexual desire for him.)

On this other thread, someone mentioned a group of women with PhD's joking about how hopeless their husbands were and my first thought was "how can they want to fuck them?" Is it because these women don't need to respect their husbands to find them sexually attractive, or is it because we're trained as women not to base our respect for men on them being able to carry out the basic functions of an adult?

Then I got to thinking about the other way round but that's a whole other kettle of fish and this post is already too long...

arsenaltilidie Fri 26-Jul-13 10:28:13

"Greek society did not distinguish sexual desire or behavior by the gender of the participants, but rather by the role that each participant played in the sex act, that of active penetrator or passive penetrated"
According to wikipedia

Err I want you to show me what 17 year old would not jump at the idea of having sex with a beautiful woman with a classic waist to hip ratio, classically taut breasts, arse etc., perfect skin,

Body hair and hygiene (BO used to be normal) are things you can change, but the CLASSIC waist hip/ratio etc has never changed.

BasilBabyEater Fri 26-Jul-13 10:37:24

Arsenal, go on the interweb and look out boys' conversations about pubic hair on women.

They express disgust at the idea of having sex with such a woman. Total disgust.

arsenaltilidie Fri 26-Jul-13 10:48:31

And they have a 9" penis, earn £50k and drive a bmw.

Fact is all of them would jump at the chance of having sex with her, its nothing but male bravado.

BasilBabyEater Fri 26-Jul-13 19:58:02

Then you have to question why our culture constructs male bravado as finding a beautiful woman repulsive because she's got body hair in the right place.

Also, you don't know tht they wouldn't feel disgusted actually; we all know the story of Augustus John who couldn't bear to shag his wife because she didn't have the body of a statue. How do you now these boys really aren't modern day Augustus Johns?

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