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Child care

(45 Posts)
Numberlock Sun 21-Apr-13 15:22:16

Just need to get this off my chest really.

Overseas board meeting, 4 nights away from home.10 men, 2 women, I'm the only with children. All the men have children of school age bar one. I travel most weeks with work for 2 nights.

One male colleague said to me 'Who's looking after your children?' (I despise being asked this.)

So I said I'll answer you with another question. Who's looking after your daughter? Or Bob, Fred, Tom's children? I.e. the other parent (not to mention there's no way he will have considered asking them the same question).

Well he said, it's just that most men like me couldn't cope with that.

I changed the subject at that point despite the urge to say thank fuck I didn't have kids with a misogynistic cunt like you.

I'm still annoyed 3 days later.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 24-Apr-13 19:28:24

There's a lot of swearing on MN, kukes. Personally I don't find it offensive and i know many others don't either.

Being called a lady rather than a woman makes my teeth itch, though.

MyNameIsAnAnagram Wed 24-Apr-13 19:42:34

I would have been tempted to smile very sweetly and say "don't you think that's a bit pathetic?".

AudreyParker Wed 24-Apr-13 19:45:54

Why are vaginas insulting?

Delayingtactic Wed 24-Apr-13 19:55:27

I get asked this all the time, when on call, on nights, generally staying late. And then when I respond DH, the inevitable 'isn't he good' comments. To be fair to DH, he detests that and will say so to those who say it to him.

I have to say I was pretty shocked to be asked it at my interview for my current job (I sometimes what they would have done if I'd been a single parent).

turkeyboots Wed 24-Apr-13 20:01:41

I hate being asked this and tend to make some silly response like the cat is in charge.

I sat through a conversation at a conference with group of v senior women, all with primary age kids recently where they all told of the "disasters" that were happening at home in their absence and how incompetent their husbands were at childcare. It was awful to hear from this group of PhD owning senior management women.

Numberlock Wed 24-Apr-13 22:26:01

Yes, sadly women need to take some responsibility for this situation too, otherwise nothing will change.

breatheslowly Wed 24-Apr-13 22:50:59

If these men couldn't cope with looking after their own children are they really up to working at board level. It just sounds pathetic to me.

antsypants Sat 27-Apr-13 19:21:27

Whenever anyone asks me that question I normally reply that no-one is looking after my offspring but I left water out and the window cracked...

I have to agree with a PP, in my experience a man or woman in the workplace asking that question is a subtext for asking why you are not home with your children where you should be.

Numberlock Sun 12-May-13 10:55:37

I've resurrected my thread after speaking to a friend about this colleague's comment.

She's a finance director and her role encompasses HR.

She thinks I should have an off the record conversation with my HR director regarding my colleague's comment on the grounds that it was discriminatory, unprofessional and inappropriate to be asked about my private arrangements in such a context. (The question was asked at the dinner table in front of the whole board of directors.)

She says I should then ask HR to let me know what my options are in terms of the next stage.

I'm not sure what to think.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 12-May-13 18:50:44

Hmm. What would you want your options to be?

Kiwiinkits Mon 13-May-13 04:16:34

Number I think comments complaints to HR are best avoided altogether. You just out yourself as being a PITA. Best to just use the death stare and a witty retort to this sort of dickery, rather than 'official channels'.

Numberlock Mon 13-May-13 15:02:42

Agreed, I can't see it ending in any favourable way. I just wanted to add to my thread after what my friend said.

I need to let it lie.

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 13-May-13 15:08:47

was he called Toby Young Number? This irritates me too. DH is great with our children and does the bulk of the childcare. Other mothers often comment how lucky I am to have such a helpful DH!

I would let the issue go btw. I doubt he intended to be sexist, it's just very deeply ingrained

Numberlock Mon 13-May-13 15:09:47

Ooh isn't your hubby good, Funnys!

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 13-May-13 15:26:56

it drives me nuts grin and meanwhile he basks in the glow of everyone thinking he really is doing something over and above and being all super dad. Nevermind that I work longer hours than him......

Numberlock Mon 13-May-13 15:34:15

"Father looks after own kids" headline shocker.

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 13-May-13 15:43:13

I know and oddly when I looked after them FT I got no adulation at all

bigkidsdidit Mon 13-May-13 16:35:57

My DH works part time (well, until he starts a new jpb next month). You should hear the accolades he gets! You'd think he was bloody superman rather than just a father looking after his child <grrr>

TwoFourSixOhOne Tue 14-May-13 11:39:02

I am interviewing for a ft job out of the house, I've been a Childminder for the past five years.

If I get the job it will be a complete reversal of childcare roles. DH will be home at 4.30, pick up the DC and do tea and baths, I won't be home before seven most evenings. He is really looking forward to it.

The number one cmment I have had from several well meaning friends and relatives is, 'Oh isn't he good? Does he mind?'

What the actual fuck?

Numberlock Tue 14-May-13 12:03:31

Good luck with the interview, "TwoFour".

(Brace yourself for lots more comments like that and I'll be interested to know if they question you on your childcare arrangements during the interview.)

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