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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Neighbour being abused

21 replies

lilly40 · 07/04/2013 20:39

Hi,
Just heard neighbours door being smashed open by husband. Live in block of 6 flats, 2 on each floor. Neighbours live above. Went onto communal landing and saw door smashed open, but no noise. As I was pondering on what to do, neighbour opposite me came home. Spoke to her, and she said neighbours were arguing for 15 minutes last night, and she's tired of calling police. She says she now has a crack on her ceiling due to the neighbours. She didn't want to discuss anymore with me, and went into her flat.
I'm so confused on what to do? Neighbours fight and argue regularly, including police being called after he beat her and dangled 5 month baby over railings. Wife won't leave husband, and is petrified of him. Other neighbours are starting to get complacent about the abuse too.
I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Report

BertieBotts · 07/04/2013 20:43

Um, call the police again? Just because the other neighours are "getting tired" of calling them doesn't mean you shouldn't

BertieBotts · 07/04/2013 20:44

Unless you know the wife there isn't really anything else you can do, is there? Sounds awful. :(

tethersend · 07/04/2013 20:50

There is a child involved, you need to call social services immediately. Call the duty team and repeat what you've said here.

And yes, call the police again

bringbacksideburns · 07/04/2013 20:52

I'd ring the Police. And i'd keep on ringing them every single time it happens.

What happened after the baby was dangled over the railings then - i presume Social Srevices must be involved?

Shame the neighbours have that attitute - the more of you that keep calling from the address the more it will be addressed, even if it means them moving out.

lilly40 · 07/04/2013 20:53

It is totally awful! I really feel for the woman. Was shocked at other neighbours response too. She seemed annoyed about being kept awake by the noise, and relieved that it only lasted 15 minutes last night.
Another worry is the baby witnessing all of this too!

OP posts:

CabbageLeaves · 07/04/2013 20:54

Ring the Police
You must

FarelyKnuts · 07/04/2013 20:57

Ring the police. Ring social services. Statistically speaking a woman in an abusive relationship will leave and go back 7 times on average before she goes for good (or is killed). The next police visit might be that time.

lilly40 · 07/04/2013 21:02

Police are now with the woman. Lets hope they take the husband away. Their front door has been smashed open and I can hear her crying, poor love!

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lilly40 · 07/04/2013 22:13

Eww, that was awful. Man screaming taken away in handcuffs. Must have been about 6-8 police officers. Glad the woman is safe now. Still in shock at neighbour who lives directly beneath her. More so considering she was a victim of DV herself, and also works as a housing officer for a council. Is this how she would treat one of her clients who was suffering from DV?

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SlambangSweepstakeQueen · 07/04/2013 22:16

Could you pop round and see if she needs any help? (Or just show a friendly face and a cup of tea?)

colditz · 07/04/2013 22:17

That is how housing officers typically react, Lilly, in my experience. There are some super ones though, who do make up for it, but yes, people get very jaded about domestic abuse because so often the abused partner seems to be condoning it by repeatedly letting the wanker back in after the police have taken them away.

As an ex abused woman (no more though!) I know that it is not as simple as that, but that is how it looks.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 07/04/2013 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilly40 · 07/04/2013 22:28

DV is never black and white! SS are involved and are helping the woman. Was going to visit her, but police are still there. I'll check on her tomorrow and see if she is ok. I'm an ex abused woman too, so this was a huge memory trigger for me. Its so easy for people to become complacent regarding DV. Unless you have experienced it yourself, it can be difficult to understand why a woman stays, or finds it so hard to leave.

OP posts:

lisad123everybodydancenow · 07/04/2013 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilly40 · 08/04/2013 00:42

I really hope she gets him out of her life too. Lets hope she finds the strength to keep focused and not give in.
I'm on thanks. Was shaken up seeing and hearing all the commotion. I'll speak to neighbour tomorrow and offer as much support as I can.

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DisorganisednotDysfunctional · 08/04/2013 20:34

Maybe sounds silly, but now the police have taken him away, you could pop round tomorrow with a casserole or something. Victims of DV tend to feel embarrassed about it. Say something like "you've had all this upset, thought it might..."

Food is a good simple way to make people feel safe and cared for. It might help her to talk to you if you've already shown in a practical way that you mind, that you noticed what happened but not in a hostile way.

When my DH was ill people brought me food, and it immediately made me feel better. Different situation, I know, but same feelings of people noticing the pain and disruption in a kind way.

thezebrawearspurple · 10/04/2013 00:48

I don't blame the neighbour for being pissed off if it's so bad that she's constantly having to call the police and her ceiling is cracked. You can only have so much sympathy for people and when their refusal to leave the bastard is causing you stress, interrupting your peace and damage to your home with the knowledge that this could carry on for years...well, she's not a bloody saint. I wouldn't be happy having to pay the price for my neighbours bad relationship choices and unlike her baby, she does have choice.

Hopefully she'll stay away from him, the risk of losing her baby to ss should be encouragement enough. Assuming she'll put her baby first....

lilly40 · 10/04/2013 15:14

Oh dear! Looks like she has let him back. I guess its easy to judge, and lets pray things don't get too bad for her or her baby.

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lilly40 · 12/04/2013 19:20

Feel like shouting from the rooftops. She's finally ended years of his abuse and the police are supporting her. Poor woman. Today her brother in law picked her and her baby up to stay with them for a week. Husband was sitting in car waiting for her to come out. She wouldn't come out until brother in law threatened calling police and husband left.
Gave her a big hug and wished her and her baby a restful week away. She's been brave enough to make the first steps, and I really hope she stays brave.

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HullMum · 12/04/2013 21:06

that's great news

DisorganisednotDysfunctional · 15/04/2013 14:46

Just noticed this. Great news. Big step. Hurray!

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