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Do families with an SAHP tradition think it's worth educating their DDs?

(57 Posts)
CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 21-Mar-13 08:46:27

Provocative but semi-serious question prompted by a shock conversation with the (Neanderthal throwback) DH of a SAHM who sent their DS to private school but not their DDs because - and I quote - 'girls don't need to be well-educated to run a home'. I should add that this is a smart, outwardly normal, Cheshire family.

Why would someone who is vehemently opposed to mothers using childcare or being in paid employment think it was worthwhile educating girls or encouraging them to pursue a challenging career? Feel free to flame.

AngelsWithSilverWings Thu 21-Mar-13 21:04:05

I will teach both my son and my daughter that if they want to be free to choose the life that they want to enjoy then they will have to do the very best that they can at school.

I only have the luxury of being able to choose to be a SAHM because I did well at school, got a good well paid job and saved and saved until I was in a position to have children and not have to continue working.

I didn't marry a rich man to get the life I have now. I worked for 20 years before I had kids and always planned to be in the position to be a SAHM.

AKissIsNotAContract Thu 21-Mar-13 20:59:50

My parents did the opposite - sent my sister and I to private school while my brothers went to state school.

Mintyy Thu 21-Mar-13 20:49:59

Its a deeply stupid position. I would hope that most grown ups with even a tiny soupcon of education (or basic common sense) understand that their children are individuals who are going to live their own lives. The way we choose to live as parents is neither here nor there.

HairyHandedTrucker Thu 21-Mar-13 20:44:47

I want to be a sahp. My dd may not want to... I am not going to force the idea on her obviously. I do think a family "works" better when someone is home when the little ones are small. That's the way me and dh feel, so that's the way we run our family. Not every one agrees, so they do it differently. My kids may not. I can no more dictate who be a sahp than any other occupation for my children.

Also I think either parents is capable being a sahp and my ds is just as likely to choose to stay at home as my daughter (or not).

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 21-Mar-13 17:29:04

Op, is Mr Neanderthal in a position to make decisions about employing people, as I see he thinks mothers shouldn't have paid employment?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 21-Mar-13 17:27:32

Also, his own education seems lacking if he can't imagine significant changes in society in the next 20 years (or notice those that happened in the last 20!)

AbigailAdams Thu 21-Mar-13 15:19:03

"What on earth makes this man (or anyone, for that matter) think he can choose his daughters' future?"


NotGoodNotBad Thu 21-Mar-13 12:26:03

What on earth makes this man (or anyone, for that matter) think he can choose his daughters' future? When they are 25 will they be asking him if it is OK for them to become a WOHP, or will they, heaven forbid, think for themselves?

LeggaDAISYcal Thu 21-Mar-13 12:11:47

Like others I think that education is about more than finding a great job, but to raised the point about a previous career and education to fall back on. I had a very good job as a senior engineer prior to having my younger two DC. They were close in age, childcare was going to cripple us (two full time and one wrap around) so it didn't make financial sense for me to go back to work. Five years later, I tried to get back into my old career, but recession, technology moving on and a complete change from British standards to Eoricodes means that what few jobs there were in the construction industry were being filled by someone currently employed in the industry and up to date rather than on old rusty duffer like me. Now another two years down the line I am wiping old people's bottoms on a zero hours contract whilst desperately trying to find a replacement career that doesn't involve oodles of retraining (finiancial constraints) and to prove to employers that my skills are transferrable. Not easy when just missiong one point on the essential points of a person spec means you don't even get an interview!

And although I loved my job, I do sometimes feel what was the point of the last 20 years?

But, all that aside, in answer to your OP, I will be educating my DD to the best of her ability and our finances, and encouraging her into a career that is easier to return to part time than engineering proved to be.

afterdinnerkiss Thu 21-Mar-13 12:11:13

i agree with the other posters : Education for it's own sake and for the enlightenment of future generations.
If financial considerations do come into it this should only be to the extent that a broad education can empower people to make the right decisions about how to live their lives and perhaps granting a wider choice (if lucky).

While we are on this topic I wanted to pose the question: does anyone of of a grand treatise promoting Education For Its Own Sake - the way it used to be before employability and churning out drones to the workpool was the ultimate aim. When multifacetedness (?) was still desired?

WilsonFrickett Thu 21-Mar-13 12:09:29

Bea how blush was I when I turned up a DS first parents' night sorry consultation without DS? Had never occurred to me to bring him along, but apparently his attendance was vital to 'sign-off on his learning goals.'

SPBInDisguise Thu 21-Mar-13 12:02:45

No, I'm sure it is Alibaba, and I don't think the reasons are any big mystery either.

zzzzz Thu 21-Mar-13 12:01:09

"You don't need an education to run a home"

Rather depends if you think SAHP = cleaner/cook , or if perhaps you can accept that most SAHP do just a teensy bit more than that. hmm

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 21-Mar-13 12:01:02

Education is an end in itself, IMO.

My Mum was a SAHM for many years before returning to the workplace.

I am currently a SAHM, but I won't be forever.

My children have a huge advantage because I am educated - don't ask me to provide references, I'm full of cold and CBA, but it has been shown many times that having an educated mother is a big marker in children's success at school.

AngiBolen Thu 21-Mar-13 11:59:12

Are you sure the person who said "girls don't need to be well-educated to run a home" wasn't joking, OP? I know people who have sent their DSs to private school, but their DDs to state, and their reasons vary, but for none of them it was because they didn't believe their DDs didn't deserve a good education.

SPBInDisguise Thu 21-Mar-13 11:58:29

But angi is that how you really feel?

AngiBolen Thu 21-Mar-13 11:56:41

You don't need an education to run a home, but it helps when finding a rich husband. wink


lainiekazan Thu 21-Mar-13 11:55:50

Dd (age 9) told me of an odd conversation between her friends last week.

Dd's friend said she was going to Oxford. Dd's other friend said she wasn't going to go to university because she wanted to stay at home and be a mummy. Friend 1 said that so did she, but she had to go to Oxford to find a husband who would earn lots of money so she could stay at home too. !!!!! Is this a mum making plans behind the scenes?

It made me think. Is this the MC equivalent of hanging round Essex nightclubs trying to find a footballer?!

fedupwithdeployment Thu 21-Mar-13 11:55:26

I hope his (the Neanderthal) wife is happy with her lot. I would think it would be horrendous to be his (second class) DDs. Unless there is a clear reason for it (which I agree there may well be in some cases) spending a lot of money on one child and much less on another is likely to breed a lot of resentment.

My (girls, private) school thrust university, science and careers down our necks. The idea that we might become mothers wasn't really mentioned. I recently spoke to a woman (50s) who had been at the same school. She was persona non grata there after she decided to leave at 16 and pursue a career (at which she was very successful). My mother was an unhappy SAHM - loved babies but became a bored housewife as she didn't have much to do once we got older. She didn't have the education or self belief to do much about it.

I have been a SAHM for about 3 years, and felt myself going slightly loopy. Now I enjoy working FT in law with 2 well adjusted small boys - I would hope they will end up going to uni and having good careers, but equally expect them to be able to cook etc. If I had DDs, I would feel the same. I think I have found (for me) a happy balance, one I share with DH. In fact at the moment, he is doing more of the running the house as he is between jobs, and I am bringing home the bacon.

I am not sure you can reason with dinosaurs like that.

BeaWheesht Thu 21-Mar-13 11:50:51

Wilson - we are in Scotland too. Since age FIVE ds has had to do whole class presentations, aged 6 he's learning PowerPoint and from age 3 up the kids are on various committees blush

SPBInDisguise Thu 21-Mar-13 11:45:42

Why ratty? Surely theworkplace is for whoever is best suited. Why should we be considering such a thing at all?

ExRatty Thu 21-Mar-13 11:44:10

It depends.
I think that we should educate to show how important it is to think. Allow children to spend time figuring things out.
For me that might include considering whether or not there is a proper place for women in a workplace as we currently experience and understand it.
Perhaps individual study and doing something you love, on your own terms, is what we should be gearing our daughters for for happiness

SPBInDisguise Thu 21-Mar-13 11:40:46

" No education is a waste"
Completely agree. This fairly mundane debate ultimately comes down to the meaning of life! And I doubt for anyone its be born-school-work-die. Even for those who love their enriching careers life is so much more.

(my life philosophy is born-school-work-mn-die at keyboard) grin

Zatopek Thu 21-Mar-13 11:31:09

I am very well educated. I work part-time but even before DC I never earned a lot of money or had an amazing career. I never wanted one and it would never have suited me for various reasons.

And yet because I went to a top university, people wonder why I've never had a high flying career? As if my education has somehow been wasted. It hasn't -I learnt a lot at university both academically and socially that has enriched my life. I continue to read and learn each day and hope I will pass on that love of learning to my children.

No education is a waste

slug Thu 21-Mar-13 11:29:02

I also find it utterly depressing this idea that a SAHP is always a woman. Was DH's education wasted by his decision to be a SAHD?

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