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Eurgh, what a day!

(34 Posts)
Throughgrittedteeth Sun 10-Mar-13 21:22:37

I'm new to FWR but have been lurking since reading Caitlin Moran's How To Be A Woman. I've found it so enlightening and just reading around has really opened my eyes to the everyday sexism that seems to go on.
I work in a jewellery shop and deal with a lot of cocky blokes and can definitely hold my own but today I had a woman in with her daughter (about 8-9) we were chatting about the jewellery and she was trying things on. Her daughter was really into everything and wanted to try everything her mum had so obviously I was talking to her too, she seemed so interested in how it was all made and how silver jewellery is made

Trekkie Sun 10-Mar-13 23:43:52

schooldidi your friend confuses me!

Sounds like what she actually wants is a farm and all the hard work that comes with that, and the only way she can see of getting one is to marry someone who already has one? So quite a different scenario to marrying someone and then never working again!

TeiTetua Mon 11-Mar-13 11:36:38

What I don't understand is why Schooldidi's friend doesn't aspire to being a farmer herself, rather than marrying a man who is one. She evidently knows what it's all about.

There was a blog I used to read by a woman in New Zealand who was a dairy farmer (I think she was originally from England) and a feminist. As I recall, she had mixed experiences dealing with other people involved with agriculture, almost all of them men of course. But then she made her blog private or removed it or something, so I don't know if she's still farming.

Trekkie Mon 11-Mar-13 18:50:53

I think farms in the UK must be incredibly expensive - getting a job on one is probably doable but actually buying one would be colossally expensive I would think? In which case owning one is as much a daydream as buying a mansion or something. So from that POV I can understand it as a fantasy.

Schooldidi Mon 11-Mar-13 20:41:48

She confuses me too. She really doesn't want to be the farmer, she wants to be the farmer's wife, raising babies and looking after the menfolk who do all the hard work. Farms are incredibly expensive to buy, around here the only way you get a farm is if your family leave it to you. Their farm is going to her brother, because that's just the way it is. Even getting a job on one would be unheard of for a woman around here.

Trekkie Mon 11-Mar-13 21:09:36

It's a shame her family won't split it between her and her brother and they could work it together.

So he gets the farm and she gets to fantasise about marrying a bloke with a farm.


Lessthanaballpark Mon 11-Mar-13 21:10:56

OP, I understand your frustration. It's an example of how people can relate the same thing to children in a different way depending on their gender.

A young girl will show an interest in a sewing machine. People assume it's because she likes fashion. A boy does the same. People assume he likes machines.

I do silversmithing BTW and it's the power tools that I love!

Schooldidi Mon 11-Mar-13 21:24:05

It is very depressing.

TeiTetua Mon 11-Mar-13 23:31:30

It's something to be disappointed about in the whole family. But maybe for actual farm families, the idea that men are in charge of the real work could be pretty deeply ingrained. As Trekkie said, it would have been such a fine thing if the sister and brother could have taken over the farm and continued running it together; if two brothers did that, it wouldn't be much of a shock. Would they ever change their minds about that?

Schooldidi Tue 12-Mar-13 00:34:01

I don't think they would. Especially since that isn't what she wants, she wants to be a farmer's wife. That's what she's been brought up to expect out of life, it's what her big sister has done, and what she wants to do as well.

It is very deeply ingrained in farming families (around here at least, I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere) that the boys inherit the farm. I taught a boy a few years ago who was going to need a lot of support just to be able to live independently. He was inheriting the farm, over and above his two older, much more capable sisters. They were expected to 'help' him, which basically meant that they would do all the management of the farm and he would possibly manage to do a labourer's job, but he would be the one with all the legal rights over the farm and would be able to sell it out from under them at any moment. That sort of thing is very common around here.

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