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My 7 year old son has ideas that boys are better than girls

(52 Posts)
MarcelineTheVampireQueen Thu 07-Feb-13 00:17:57

And I dont know how to handle it. Its often quite innocent, we might watch a programme and there is a female builder and he would say "Women cant be builders!" and of course I correct that. He loves history and loves hearing about olden time, we read a book that spoke about womens rights and I explained all that to him at an age appropriate level.

Today though, we are planning a party and he told me he doesnt want the girls in his class coming because they wount be able to join in. Its a sporty party, football, ball games, bouncy castle type thing in a sports hall. Its been a long day and I snapped a little and reminded him of what we had spoken about.

DP thinks I am too hard and am pushing the issue, that our son is too young to learn this type of thing. I dont agree.

Am I pushing though? Is there another way I can approach this? I often feel outnumbered here 2 boys to one girl and I almost feel the eyerolling after I talk to him about it.

Nagoo Thu 07-Feb-13 00:22:38

IMO boys think boys are best and girls think boys are idiots.

I would arrange for him to get beaten hard at something he likes doing by a girl.

It'll happen just by life progressing how it will, naturally eventually, but you could always hurry it along....

PretzelTime Thu 07-Feb-13 00:24:36

Well he has obviously already learnt that girls can't be sporty somehow...? If he can learn that, he can also learn that it isn't true.

madwomanintheattic Thu 07-Feb-13 00:47:16

V normal.

My 7yo son had to leave his ballet class because the 7yo girls kept on telling him ballet was girls and he wasn't supposed to be there.

Fortunately, those 7yo girls have grown up a bit, and are now a bit wiser. The same way your boy will be if you keep on correcting him.

Girls and boys at 7 are right on the throes of gender segregation, but not old enough to question it.

With a few more years comes a lot more maturity, as long as you keep pointing out he is talking out of his arse.

HarrietSchulenberg Thu 07-Feb-13 00:53:29

I have 3 boys. Two think that girls are aliens and one (middle one, aged 10) makes no distinctions between sexes - he has friends of each kind. Eldest is 12 so I suspect his attitude will be changing soon.

Your ds's behaviour is quite normal for a 7 year old.

HairyHandedTrucker Thu 07-Feb-13 01:41:15

I would arrange for him to get beaten hard at something he likes doing by a girl.

grin Ha!

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 07-Feb-13 10:53:27

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StewieGriffinsMom Thu 07-Feb-13 10:54:35

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kim147 Thu 07-Feb-13 12:09:18

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MarcelineTheVampireQueen Thu 07-Feb-13 13:59:10

Thanks all, I know he is only 7 but it feels like if I dont challenge it, he will think its acceptable. Good idea about getting someone to beat him at something! Ill have to think about that one!

madwomanintheattic Thu 07-Feb-13 16:14:43

Oh, you definitely have to challenge it - and it's not an acceptable norm that 7yos think their gender is infinitely superior, but it is a reflection of early years culture in this society (not even going into later years). So, yes, keep working on it - you have 7years worth of gendered socialisation to make up for, and he will develop the maturity to be able to challenge that sort of thinking.

The fact that it is the norm doesn't mean you should let it go, iykwim. But recognition that it's sadly normal at least means you won't beat yourself over the head with too large a parenting stick... wink

WilsonFrickett Thu 07-Feb-13 19:46:47

Completely normal <gives DS7 a hard stare> but not acceptable. I don't stress over it but I do correct it. Every. Bloody. Time. I find it quite disheartening actually, a very visible sign that 'our' influence is being replaced by 'what everyone else thinks'.

I really had to battle to get some girls on the invite list for his birthday in the summer. Which has been repaid by not one of them inviting him to theirs, but heigh-ho. Travel in hope an all that.

Branleuse Fri 08-Feb-13 07:02:20

its an age thing. They are beginning to develop their own sense of identity and are working out what defines them. my 12 year old boy always corrects my nearly 6 year old boy when 6 yr old says anti girl stuff. Its not sinister. They learn what they live and your way of living and your attitude Will be what shapes his eventual beliefs

SminkoPinko Fri 08-Feb-13 07:24:29

My sons were awful for this at that age too. Used to drive me mad and they knew and often found it highly amusing that I was pissed off by their sexist rubbish. They have now graduated to saying things for effect to annoy me (teenagers) and yes it still works! However, I have a much younger little girl now and to my surprise she is exactly the same - she just thinks girls are inherently superior in every way. And, unfairly, I feel much less annoyed by this! I think heavy identification with their own gender at a young age is probably just a fairly healthy indication that children are happy in their own skin really. (And the lovely thing is that, if they think I'm not listening, her annoying brothers actually always tell their sister that girls are best and fab).

HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Feb-13 07:35:57

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Smudging Fri 08-Feb-13 07:48:24

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tilder Fri 08-Feb-13 08:01:45

This has really shocked me too and does make me wonder where it comes from. Did I enforce gender stereotypes subconsciously? Is it from our naice village school (surely not!) Or is it cbeebies (now that would be a shocker)?

Trying to think of other regular influences and failing.

I correct every time. Started with 'pink is for girls' in our house.

ohfunnyhoneyface Fri 08-Feb-13 08:15:43

It's TV and films!

The gender stereotyping in children's TV is terrible.

Keep on as you are, he'll get the (equality) message eventually.

LaraInTheSky Fri 08-Feb-13 10:20:41

Funny the way children are. My 6 year old son kept telling me last year when I collected him from school that some girls in his class kept saying "Girls are better than boys, girls are cleverer than boys".

I think it's an age thing. I kept reminding him than being good, or intelligent, or capable has nothing to do with being a boy or a girl. Some girls are extremely clever, some are not. Some boys are extremely clever, some are not. But the main thing is, we all have our strenghs and weaknesses, and being clever, though important, is not always the most valuable quality in life.

I keep repeating these things to him. That we all come in all shapes and colours and that people should not be judged on their gender. I hope it will sink in.

ElephantsAndMiasmas Fri 08-Feb-13 10:25:40

No need to worry but your dp may be reinforcing your son's opinion. It's never to early to learn equality ! If he was saying white/brown/black people are superior I'm sure your partner would be embarrassed and rush to correct him. How is this different ?

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Fri 08-Feb-13 21:58:30

Just saw all the messages here, thanks everyone. This is def an equal household, in fact, DP takes care of more of the perceived traditional roles in the house and DS has been well trained since the age of three to look after his own chores, get a drink, fruit etc and more recently to make a sandwich so he knows it isnt my job to run around afterhim. I have 5 sisters and one brother who is the youngest and if my mam could wipe his arse for him, she would so I am making sure that my son doesnt end up like that!

He had 2 boys over today from school and based on snippets of conversation, its def coming from the school. It a mixed school, fairly genderless in their activities but its an even split in his class of boys vs girls so there is a little bit of gang warfare going on! I'll keep on him though!

RudyPoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:54:08

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OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 08-Feb-13 23:01:20

Hi there
Thanks for joining us
FYI most boards frown very heavily on cross-board visits.
Have a great weekend.

kim147 Fri 08-Feb-13 23:02:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beehatch Fri 08-Feb-13 23:06:06

Nice move Olivia. Has someone lit a fire under HQ after the Worra debacle???

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