This blog is so wrong on so many levels(92 Posts)
boldanddetermined.com/2012/11/29/how-to-meet-shy-girls/ Do people genuinely believe this crap?
That's some scary shit, his knuckle dragging followers seem grateful for the advice, which is worrying.
There are lots of really, really inferior men around.
What a silly man, advertising his inadequacy to the whole wide world
He probably does very well. A lot of what he says is psychologically sound. Based on principles of human behaviour and persuasion. The was a very good book called 'Split Second Persuassion' and articles in magazines like New Scientist. The Valentine's Day edition of NS is always and interesting read at de-mystifying love/lust into nothing more than the body & mind entering a sate of an oxytocin high and duping yourself into thinking what you want.
Of course it eventually wears off and hopefully by that time your relationship has more solid ground of mutual respect, imbedded self image (seeing yourself as part of the relationship), co-dependency (some sort of mutual need - caring for a child or increased standard of life) and complacency.
He is by far not the only one and one of the least disturbing. At least his advice is towards getting a girlfriend and not one night stands.
He also advises 6-7s and to avoid confident alpha women. Again you go into any city bar and most beautiful women will be alone and ignored. Guys will assume they are too hard to get and too much work. Their rise up the corporate ladder becomes a self fulfilling proficy to compensate for a lack of relationships. The guys beautiful women attract tend to be the real slime balls!
His tactics are nothing new. This is why men go to Thailand, date younger women (less experienced) and like women to earn less than they do. It is hard wired in men's brains to want to be the leader and hunter in the relationship. Basic primal instincts.
Plus dating down men feel they are getting a good deal.
The real downside is that are a lot worse that tell guys to choose vulnerable (emotionally & low self image) to turn them into prostitutes. That Asian ring in the news now chose runaways and girls from broken families and abused them in the most demeaning ways.
I think every young girl should read more and understand how her mind works and can play tricks on her.
If you ask anyone who has ever been in abusive relation they key warning sign was 'Charm'. The antidote is EDUCATION and not getting fooled.
This article resonates because it is exactly the kind of tutorial and profile an abusive man would want in a woman. Of course not all men attracted to these type of women would be abusers. Just that the abusers would rule out anyone confident and assertive or very good looking. They also would not want less attractive women either because their need comes from their own insecurity and needing their ego fed. It is a complete myth that anyone woman could end up in an abusive relationship. voices.yahoo.com/relationships-women-whom-abusive-men-would-never-date-6583654.html?cat=41
Hope this helps!
"It is hard wired in men's brains to want to be the leader and hunter in the relationship. Basic primal instincts."
It is actually hard-wired in patriarchy, to spout silly evo-bollocks about men being hard-wired blah di blah.
How much stupidity can one woman take on a Saturday morning? Should I just turn on Top Gear and be done with it?
Top Gear would look quite reconstructed after some of the shite you see online
Is it reconstructed, or unreconstructed I mean?. Something looks wrong there.
Top Gear presenters are twats anyway, that I am sure of
And one of them is not even a hamster.
When you finally do get in youll have the pleasure of saying, into her ear, youre my property now
What a dick.
" It is hard wired in men's brains to want to be the leader and hunter in the relationship. Basic primal instincts"
I blame evo-bollocks.
Which is a sub-set of patriarchy, which is ultimately to blame.
How can people write this shit and not be embarrassed?
Or is it ironic?
It's hard-wired for women to like pink as well, because of its connotations with menstrual blood. And they like mops because during evolution, they found that men with really messy hair (like mops) brought home most unicorn-flesh. I have no evidence whatsoever for this, but nevertheless it is true and accounts for why women should do more housework than men.
And men like blue because during the ice-age, their dicks went blue on account of the cold. And they have some sort of genetic memory of that which means that now they have a hard-wired instinct to wrap their boy-children in blue as a nod to that era.
And now I'm going to shoot myself.
By 'evo bollocks' I assume you mean evolution and scientific research into behaviour, chemical & physiology changes? I would add to it that there have been a lot ethnographic data and cultural changes as well as the structure of societies which have had a tremendous impact.
In fact one could argue that most of the evolution has been at the pyschological and pathological level and not at the physical level. The chemical secretions have not changed. People still emit the same pheromones and chemicals like oxytocin. The brain works the same with neurotransmitters firing off to try to make sense if the external stimuli by creating connections and feeding these back as paterns & memory matching.
The only difference now is the chemicals can be bought over the Internet. Salesmen love spraying themselves down with oxytocin to make it easier to sell you that used car. Sure the secondary market is psychopaths and guys desperate to get women into bed.I know a magician who swears by his special cologne whichs people more suggestionable. Fascinating!
Lots of recent studies have been done to show that despite all the changes and living in a modern society we still have the 'human condition' as part of the same animal kingdom with similarities to apes still evident.
Never watched TopGear but it sounds dreadful. If it indeed it is as stupid as you say it is. And I thought all that nonsense about horroscopes was bad.
This is my favourite source - http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/
This is a brilliant article - but you need to register - paid subscription.
Apologies that you found the links too dumb for you but I was trying to find a link for free that referenced the same research and factual principles of what happens when people fall for love tactics.
I take your point that it does seem dumb that despite all the evolution we still have some serious shortcomings in being able to overcome 'hard wiring'.
My current work is looking at how cults still successfully operate, pyramid marketing schemes, advertising, consumerism, religion etc. still can influence us. Be great if there was a pill we could take or give to people to 'wake them up' from their delusions but we can't.
The only option so far is education, laws to protect people who take advantage of human shortcomings and continued research as well as support.
I love evo-bollocks, it makes such perfect sense.
It's great that these idiots publicise just how moronic they really are - much like the tossers who go round in those hilarious "nice legs, what time do they open" type t-shirts , saves women the trouble of wasting time actually talking to them to find out.
I can't quite make my mind up whether this is hilarious or fucking terrifying.
Apparently men should aspire to be 'gentlemenly cavemen'? I don't - I can't even- head explodes
I also like how he advises you hold a woman by her wrist or the back of her neck - like she's gonna get lost or something. Although considering how he advises you choose an girl who isn't mature or independent or strong maybe that's a real problem.
Also - eye contact, a sign a girl likes you? Whaaa...?
He sounds like an abusive Dick who wouldn't understand what 'no' means. I spent the whole time reading it sure that no real person could believe such bollocks and it must've been written by a troll.
Looks like a PUA got on the thread. It was only a matter of time wasn't it.
*(...)they like mops because during evolution, they found that men with really messy hair (like mops) brought home most unicorn-flesh. I have no evidence whatsoever for this, but nevertheless it is true and accounts for why women should do more housework than men.
And men like blue because during the ice-age, their dicks went blue on account of the cold. And they have some sort of genetic memory of that which means that now they have a hard-wired instinct to wrap their boy-children in blue as a nod to that era.*
Quoted because it's beautiful
"I take your point that it does seem dumb that despite all the evolution we still have some serious shortcomings in being able to overcome 'hard wiring'. "
That wasn't my point actually.
My point was that all this crap about hard-wiring is simply not true. The studies done that "show" it is, have mostly been discredited and not replicable, not peer-reviewed and simply not credible. Or the results are credible, but the conclusions drawn from the results are simply sexist because the
men people drawing those conclusions are sexist. They are simply based on a desperate scrabble to prove that the reason we need to retain a male-supremacist society, is because nature wants us to and we can't escape our hard-wiring. It's all bollocks.
"Hard wired" is a term to describe a concept of Pyscological Nativism and Innateness.
Used in cognitive development it describes how some aspects of behavior are present at birth and not learned behaviour. For example how babies can immediately recognise faces and do not have a fear of people.
Any fear that would come later would come from "bad experiences".
In the broader sense it can also include fixed or long term thinking of societal beliefs. It is also being studied to find out if mood disorders are innate or not. Why are some people more depressed on grey days vs sunny days. How much is psychosomatic and how much is innate. When he behaviour was learned - at what stage in brain development.
Huge part of being a parent is around cognitive behaviors.
As a parent no matter how much try to influence behaviour traits are still there and society has it's own aspects which seem 'hardwired'. This is a much more loose definition than innate behaviors but from a child's naiave perspective "well all the other kids do this so it must be normal".
The reason why these guys write that stuff is because it actually works. To a degree. For him to be successful he just needs an appropriate victim. Some one who fits his target profile and does not know enough about psychology to see through him and his BS.
This is the same way cults and advertising work as well by understanding the basics of human behaviour and figuring out how to exploit our shortcomings.
As anyone who has ever tried to loose weight, save money, become mate motivated etc.... Will know that knowledge is not enough! Knowing how to eat well is not a magic pill for loosing weight. Habits, coping mechanisms and hard wired beliefs all come into play.
A guy who has a crappy attitude to women and sees them as prey to be controlled, manipulated and out smarted is on the abusive scale whether he is abusive or not. I would be very concerned if I found my son reading books on how to control & manipulate people.
Thankfull, so far he seems a very compassionate young man and wants to study science to make a difference in the world.
You will also find there are more women in the social and pyschological sciences now than men. It isn't sexism that is hard wired but aspects that allow people to be manipulated. More women are going into university and getting higher grades. Women are now starting to our earn men. I earn more than my partner.
We certainly can escape both innate beliefs and societal ones. It's called education and understanding of what the root cause is and how to overcome and recognise bad patterns.
Who knows there maybe hope for you yet to escape doing most of the housework. In my house I get off lightly because of the long hours I work.
I don't know what being a hunter in a relationship is meant to mean. Hunting is when you stalk and kill an an animal. Most men don't do this anymore. So how is being a hunter in a relationship hard wired into the brain?
Funny! Your theory is taking this way off topic...
However if you want to put it that at you may want to have a read of an article on a study done of stalking and how some people become delusional. The hard wired part has to with the way people can be manipulated or addicted to Dopamines.
At one point the author said "stalkers could be hard wired" journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?aid=8768972.
As the facts are inconclusive and it is just a theory I will suspend my judgement on that one. It does raise some interesting aspects of why stalkers and sexual predators are so difficult to cure or treat. neuroanthropology.net/2010/05/10/inside-the-mind-of-a-pedophile/
Neuroanthropoglogy certainly has a long way to go.
Frankly, he sounds like someone with serious self esteem issues with a deep seated need to project his self loathing onto women.
Either that or he's a total wanker who needs a good kick in the crotch
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.