What do you make of this? (Big Brother show)

[SingingSilver]

A guy called Sam was evicted from Big Brother last night. He'd had quite a cute friendship with a glamour model called Lacey Banghard (her real name) on the show.

On the chat show afterwards he was getting a bit rattled because his sexuality was questioned. Vile old John McCririck was also making predictable Banghard jokes. Suddenly Sam said that he'd fingered Lacey in the loos before the eviction, then made a show of sniffing his fingers.. When he was asked if that really happened he backed down and said it was a joke, then he apologised later (to his Mum).

I feel so annoyed about it. Knowing this show, Lacey will be confronted with that clip when she leaves, and she'll be expected to be a 'good laugh' about it and defend him no matter how gutted she feels about it.

Is Sam a misogynist, or do nice men occasionally make jokes like that without there being any venom or women-hating behind it?

[scrumpkin]

I don't know but ewww, what nice man does that

[Allinonebucket]

I guess he made the joke because he isn't thinking of her as a person with feelings, or someone who deserves respect and politeness. Maybe he thinks that's true of all women, all other people (anyone but him), or all glamour models. So I suppose he may not be a misogynist, he may be an MN favourite, a 'narcissist' instead. Or a sociopath? Was he very young? He might just be immature.

Whichever is true, he sounds horrible!

[HazeltheMcWitch]

Blimey, I didn't see that show, but have seen a bit of BB.
I actually reckon he's closeted, and sort of 'doth pretend too much'. He's also admitted that he's quite socially awkward (I paraphrase a bit), so can imagine he said something ridiculous in an effort to 'fit in'.

And poor Lacey will probably be shown that, and will probably (have to?) laugh it off. She's a P3 model called Banghard, so she's no doubt got used to crappy remarks about her, her behaviours... FWIW, she seems really sweet and kind.

[Allinonebucket]

It really shows him in a terrible light. Pathetic (to be riled by idiots making homophobic jokes), desperate, and selfish (to leap to using someone who you say was meant to be his friend to try to deflect the jokes in such a way). Yuck.

[SingingSilver]

Okay, I feel better about my own view then. I'm a member of a chat forum where Sam is being defended to the hilt - he was only joking, he'd had a drink, he was upset that they called him boring.. He is young and handsome, and I think that's why a lot of people are jumping to his defence rollseyes

[feministefatale]

That's disgusting. What is he 14? What a fucking loser

[MiniTheMinx]

I think you have to ask why was his sexuality questioned? who questioned him? was the man who questioned him older and did he hold more social power ?

I think men are under a lot of pressure to conform to a gender stereotype, to prove their masculinity and to disclose their sexuality. Where there is more than one man there is always an inequality between them. One way in which men signal to other men that they are worthy of respect from their peers is to prove their masculinity and their place amongst the group. There is only one thing worse than being bottom dog in the group, that is to be shunned and cast out.

[badguider]

I agree with Mini - the young man being questioned AND the woman involved were both victims of a misogynistic attitude in the media and particularly programmes like BB.
I HATE situations when young men are bullied into expressing the 'accepted' attitude towards women... i takes a strong man to stand up to it, so yes, this man was weak in this situation but the situation itself is the real problem.

[GunsAndRoses]

Banghard - what a stupid name. Did she change her name by deed pole,
Sam is a stupid, immature little pratt saying things like that. There is no need for it and what he hopes to achieve is beyond me.

[MiniTheMinx]

Yes an immature man but he has now learnt the lesson that to get on and be accepted he is expected to behave like a sexist pig. That is what society teaches young men. Play the game be accepted have no one question your your credentials or refuse and have your masculinity questioned. The problem is the culture in which this is happening. What he hopes to achieve is acceptance amongst his peers.....ie, other men.

[SingingSilver]

It was an ex housemate, Paula Hamilton who teased Sam about being secretly gay. And it was an older man in the audience who told Sam not to lower himself to say things like that, and that was when he apologised to his Mum.

But there was a very laddish element in the audience, there to support McCririck I think, that were whooping and cheering anything remotely sexual. Thankfully they didn't show the clip to Lacey - though the presenter kept telling her how much Sam liked her, and it was like they were trying to wear her down to agree to go out with him. She stuck to her guns, but the audience didn't approve. They booed her when she said she didn't find him attractive.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

I agree with mini - the teasing about his sexuality was also vile and comes from exactly the same place - heterosexual "manly" male is top of the pecking order and everything else is "other" to a greater or lesser extent.

Did he apologise to Lacey as well as to his mum? Because the apology to his mum would have been for "sorry I embarrassed you, you brought me up better" etc but Lacey as the butt of the joke deserves better, he deserves an apology for the teasing and she deserves one for the horrible joke.

[MiniTheMinx]

Doctrine, you'll never change the culture btw men and therefore btw men and women unless something really fundamental happens. Where you have men competing with each other within social hierarchies you find that the base (economic) system creates and reinforces social hierarchy. The competition between men to prove masculinity and pecking order within the group is ALL derived ultimately from the economic inequalities between them.

[Charlizee]

If this makes him a misogynist then it looks like 90% of men are misogynists.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

You think 90% of men would lie on TV about performing a sexual act on a woman they were friends with?

[MiniTheMinx]

I think we are losing the war on misogyny.

[dublinrose37]

I actually feel quite sorry for him if he needs to make such a purile joke to "prove" he's straight. John McC is an a-hole and has form for nasty comments, it would have been better just to ignore him rather than rise to the bait.

Of course the fact Lacey is a glamour model makes her an easy target. I doubt it would have gone down the same if he made the comment about Claire Richards or Gillian Talyforth. But glamour models sell sex so of course they are expected to be up for it all the time.

It will be interesting to see how she reacts when she comes out and how her reaction is seen.