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To Megan Fox and other celeb mums - night nurses are a sign of flawed motherhood

(90 Posts)
StewieGriffinsMom Thu 20-Dec-12 16:06:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happydad02 Thu 20-Dec-12 18:43:48

I would like research into the link bewteen pressurised breast feeding and PND. My DW exhausted herself breastfeeding as our DD2 wouldnt take breastmilk from a bottle so I was unable to help with nightfeeds etc. As for Celeb mum, It is true that the more healthy and slim you are before pregnancy, The easier it is to regain your shape after. Diet only needs to increase at 6-7 months. The 'im eating for two now' is a myth really.

slhilly Thu 20-Dec-12 18:44:36

What is especially vile about this article is that you need only do the most basic of research to learn that Megan Fox is a woman who has struggled with self-esteem and related issues. So Elkin's attack is even more likely to do damage. I hope that Megan Fox remains oblivious to the existence of the article.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 20-Dec-12 18:44:42

Galaxy, DH took DS1 overnight from about six weeks, albeit only once a week - I pumped for those feeds during the day and kept a pump with me in the spare room overnight just in case of pressure - but mostly I just did the first feed at 7am or so and then pumped off any excess. Another friend pumped every day so her DH could do the dream feed giving her 8pm-3am ish uninterrupted.

Not that that is the main point at all, but I think it is physically possible.

If Megan Fox's DP was doing the night shift, whether with expressed milk or formula, would the author be quite so pissed off? A form of neglect, FFS.

butterflyexperience Thu 20-Dec-12 18:48:41

Actually it is pretty normal to have help.
Back in the day when we lived with the extended family/tribe there was always a gran/aunt/sister to help out in the night or day or when ever.
This whole do it on your own is a modern day trend which I think contributes to pnd.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Thu 20-Dec-12 18:54:53

I hate the way in which women are seen as failures if they simply let themselves follow nature. Pregnancy and childbirth are natural and change your body forever. Looking after a new baby is demanding and tiring. That's just nature.

But if you are in the public eye, you are meant to ignore nature and somehow get your pre-pregnancy body back, look good all the time, work and care for your baby without any mistakes.

Well fuck that.

Women attacking women for not conforming to this ridiculous list of expectations and the media who make sure that each constructed "fault", each extra lb, each way in which a woman doesn't fight against the natural is like handing women to the patriarchy on a plate.

GalaxyDisaStar Thu 20-Dec-12 19:00:21

Doctrine - I think you were probably pretty lucky if you could do that comfortably from six weeks. Good on you though. Would have given a vital organ for a full night's sleep at that point. I totally agree that what your friend did is possible. Sadly 8pm-3am does not give you a night's sleep <eyes non sleeping toddler sternly>. Totally agree as well that it's not the main point, so will bow out of that bit of the conversation now if that's ok.

tribpot Thu 20-Dec-12 19:00:30

It's difficult to know what the most effective response is. I can well imagine the journo chortling at MNers discussing this (since, let's be honest, Megan Fox is unlikely to have Seen The Error Of Her Ways thanks to this helpful article, and sacked off the nanny this avo). Perhaps there is some justification by breaking copyright and displaying the text elsewhere for the purposes of commentary?

This, though: she has a point about celebrity mums setting an example when they are back to pre baby weight straight after the birth.

Surely the peer pressure for young celebrities is far worse even than for normal women? The vitriol Ms Fox has been subjected to simply for admitting to having a night nanny (and I defy any parent - male or female - not to have at least hankered after one in the early days) would be 100 times worse if she hadn't have got back to her pre-baby weight overnight. And have affected her employability. In this sense the media is berating its victims for doing what they tell them have to do. Is it damaging for other women? Yes. Will change happen if women like Megan Fox challenge stereotypes? Yes, slowly. Will change happen if other people stop perpetuating the stereotypes that affect her? Yes, immeasurably faster.

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 20-Dec-12 19:04:01

'As for Celeb mum, It is true that the more healthy and slim you are before pregnancy, The easier it is to regain your shape after. Diet only needs to increase at 6-7 months.'

Forgive me - because I've not had a baby (like you) - but why are we talking about 'regaining' shape? Why does this have to be presented as something that is important? I would really love it if people could stop pretending this is a good, healthy goal. I'd much rather be given a realistic idea of what a healthy shape/diet for a new mother is?

I am obviously going to be a shite pregnant lady, however, since my reaction to 'diet only needs to increase at 6-7 months' was a rather unladlylike snort, a vivid memory of virtually every pregnant woman I've ever known telling me about morning sickness/feeling wobbly and needing to eat, and the resolution: 'fuck that, I reckon I'll eat what seems good for me, my mental health and how I feel, no not just me-as-a-baby-machine'.

But as I say, I've never had a baby so perhaps you know much more than me from your experience, happydad.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 20-Dec-12 19:04:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 20-Dec-12 19:08:03

You're right, trib - it's another damned if you do, damned if you don't moment for a woman in the public eye, especially a mother. The duchess of Cambridge seems to be attracting similar "she can't be properly ill if she did SPOTY" vitriol - yet if she'd pulled out there'd be equally as many "can't she just pull herself together, she's let everyone down, she's pregnant not ill" posts. I'm certain no-one would have published a "Megan Fox looks dead tired - good for her, she must be a great mum" article.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 20-Dec-12 19:09:31

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RillaBlythe Thu 20-Dec-12 19:10:16

I read somewhere - I think in Blaffer Hrdy - that in 'tribal societies' where mothers baby wear & breastfeed as a matter of course, they also only spend 60% of the time with their baby. Hrdy says that the extended vulnerability of the human child only works in a cooperative child rearing setting.

Also picking up on 'regaining shape' - I don't have a shape to regain - I am IN my shape, which is that of a woman who has had (& fed) two children.

onedev Thu 20-Dec-12 19:10:45

Absolutely horrible, spiteful & v jealous. Just awful.

Smudging Thu 20-Dec-12 19:22:16

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GalaxyDisaStar Thu 20-Dec-12 19:24:21

Well, I have had two children. And I've gained a lot of weight each time. To an extent I did need to 'regain' a healthy weight - for health reasons. My weight post-pregnancy was overweight and, whilst it was ok at 3 months, at 9 that started to get a bit long term. It also got wearing only fitting a handful of clothes when they got thrown up on so frequently, and shopping for a whole new wardrobe with a baby sounded like the seventh circle of hell grin

But I too snorted at 'diet increasing at six months'. I was starving all 9 months (well, 8.5 - from 4 weeks gone to overdue!). I was also exhausted, and sometimes a snack at the station was vital so I didn't lie down on the platform and go to sleep. Honestly, I was so exhausted I sometimes contemplated going to bed on the sofa because the stairs seemed like a mountain.

I think 'ooh, you shouldn't increase your food too much' has become yet another stick with which to beat pregnant women.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 20-Dec-12 19:31:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grimbletart Thu 20-Dec-12 19:38:51

I hate to use the unsisterly term "bitch" to describe a woman. However I am happy to make an exception in Ms Elkin's case.

Wheresmypopcorn Thu 20-Dec-12 19:39:02

good grief, who wouldn't get a night nurse? I would have if I could have afforded it

BOFingSanta Thu 20-Dec-12 19:41:54

I think it's easy enough to extrapolate from your own experiences in life and say what you think people 'should' or 'shouldn't' do. But even if you have been pregnant yourself, or have breastfed with whatever degree of difficulty, you really can't assume that it's going to be the same for everyone else. I think it's basic courtesy really to MYOB and let people be, perhaps offer to help where possible. But when it comes to pregnancy, birth, and mothering young babies, people seem to have an awful lot to say about where they think women are going wrong. It is policing, and it's out of order.

^ That is aimed at the whole world, btw, not any individual.

TheCrackFox Thu 20-Dec-12 19:50:30

I would have lurved to have hired a night nanny. I really feel exhaustion made my PND far worse.

Plus, presumably a night nanny would know what she was doing whereas DH and I didn't have a clue what we were doing with DS1. I still find it shocking that the hospital let 2 gormless numpties take a new born baby home.

LRDtheFeministDude Thu 20-Dec-12 19:51:26

Thanks for the advice, galaxy, really good to know, and apologies for the derail (if it was one).

CheerfulYank Thu 20-Dec-12 20:03:27

Just vile.

I was so exhausted with when DS was tiny that if a respectable-looking person had wandered off the street and offered to watch him while I napped I might have jumped at it!

Good for Megan Fox for her honesty.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 20-Dec-12 20:03:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalLadyFT Thu 20-Dec-12 20:05:26

If you read Elwin's tweets, you'll see that she makes no bones about writing things to cause controversy. Great, nothing like a bit of misogyny in the name of boosting readership figures, eh?

As my exP walked out half way through my pregnancy, I was pretty much stuck with doing everything. My DS didn't go longer than four hours sleep wise til he was 12 months old (I went back to work when he was six months), establishing BF was hideously hard for various reasons and I felt as though I was losing my mind for months. A night nurse would have been manna from heaven, frankly and to suggest that hiring one would have been tantamount to neglect is pathetic

CheerfulYank Thu 20-Dec-12 20:12:48

My best friend lived a few blocks away when DS was an infant and used to come take care of him while I slept. Didn't mean I "couldn't cope", just meant I was exhausted and needed a hand.

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