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five things women do that frighten men off

(129 Posts)
SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Tue 04-Dec-12 21:46:31

anyone seen this 5 things women do that frighten men off?

so basically

1) expect to have no input at all into where your relationship, sorry, his relationship with you, is going

2)hide your real self, poor men cant be expected cope with a real woman

3) do what you were told not to do in no1 and voice your own opinion, but only as far as what you watch on tv. apparently he now wants to date an equal.

4)dont make him jealous, but do.

5)dont have emotions. emotions mean you are out of control and weak.

so, now you all know wink

but seriously, this has to be a piss take. what woman (the tip giver is a female dating 'expert') honestly believes this shit?

OrangePanda Sat 08-Dec-12 14:54:23

Men are not precious. They are just people ok? I think you are anti-man abigail

And no, LRD, english is not my first language. I speak more than one. So how about you?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 08-Dec-12 15:01:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 08-Dec-12 15:03:13

Interesting, Orange - ruddynorah's interpretation is in the minority here. I think the article is pretty patronising and old fashioned in its "hang on to your man, whatever it takes" message.

Fraught (in this context) = Causing or characterised by emotional distress or tension.

LRDtheFeministDude Sat 08-Dec-12 15:07:17

English is my first language, yes. But don't worry about it - loads of posters on MN don't have perfect English and if you say what you're not getting, someone will always be around to paraphrase or explain as doctrine did. In fact I think there's some language forums somewhere, too.

Anyway: did my paraphrase help at all? And did you get to the article?

feelingdizzy Sat 08-Dec-12 15:20:20

This discusssion is particuarly relevant to me currently.I have been single for 8 years,have raised 2 dc by myself.I am a proud femininst and uttterly believe and attempt to live my life based on my own belefs and rules and not those administered by others.

That is until I started dating,I feel like I have been catupluted back in time to the 1850s ,so many artilcles and popular culture seems to be based on the idea off 'the rules'.

It is rarely that I overthink things but this dating lark seems to have fried my brain,everything seems to be viewed through the lense of women being pushy and needy, and desperately trying to capture a man.

Even when I say that I want an easygoing relationship, am not currently looking for something committed,that is seen as code for wanting to capture every man.I have my own home my own career,I dont want to marry or even live with a man.Just a few pints on the weekend and a bit of company thats it.
I have found that although often men will say that this is the relationship they want when offered this, the power balance shifts away from them ,and they dont like it.

I have annoyingly found myself not testing,ringing current beaus( yes more than one)in an effort to appear aloof ,cool and sophisticated.When actually I am not really any off those.I am easygoing,chatty and quite eccentric I think.

Without wanting to stereotype my countrymen,I live in a very rural isolated part of the west of Ireland,a femininst bastion it is not.I really feel stuck

feelingdizzy Sat 08-Dec-12 15:21:25

awful spelling ,thats texting not testing.Rather Freudian !!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 08-Dec-12 15:26:02

Bah, dizzy, how rubbish. See, this crap impacts us all - they're being fed the "watch out for the commitment fanatic" trope and so can't hear what YOU are really saying!

(please read "they" above as "men as a group". Thanks.)

AbigailAdams Sat 08-Dec-12 15:28:55

I am anti abusive men, yes Orange.

AbigailAdams Sat 08-Dec-12 15:34:17

Yes dizzy. This type of article feeds right into that (IMO) false stereotype. It in fact encourages women to focus on men's needs whilst ignoring their own.

And it encourages them not to be themselves (as you are finding) which is sad and must be as frustrating as hell.for you!

LRDtheFeministDude Sat 08-Dec-12 15:45:56

That sounds really fucking annoying, dizzy. sad

OrangePanda Sat 08-Dec-12 17:57:11

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LRDtheFeministDude Sat 08-Dec-12 18:10:02

That's a personal attack, orange, which is considered pretty off. I hope I'm misunderstanding your English, but the way it comes across, it sounds as if you're suggesting AA hates men, which is a pretty rude thing to say.

I think you have also misunderstood her post, which is very clear since it is one short sentence! She is against abusive men. She never said all men are abusive.

AbigailAdams Sat 08-Dec-12 18:19:04

So you said OrangePanda <shrugs>. That's a personal attack btw.

I was talking about abusive men as I have been consistently throughout the thread, if you had bothered to read it. And at no point have I said or implied all men are abusive.

I notice you still haven't had anything to say about the piece (or read it). Some might say you are on a wind-up. Not me, of course.

AbigailAdams Sat 08-Dec-12 18:21:54

Sorry x-posts with LRD. It took me a while to write whilst being interrupted by my youngest hmm

LRDtheFeministDude Sat 08-Dec-12 18:26:33

No worries. To get back on topic ... it irritates me that the word used is 'frightened', when it actually means 'five things (some, probably imaginary) men don't like'. It's making out women are being aggressive when they have the nerve to do this stuff, which really gets on my nerves. As if anything that this author thinks will displease men isn't actively an attack on them.

I think the author is screwed up, btw, I am not implying (in case it's not clear) that I mean normal men/women actually use the word 'frightened' in that way.

AbigailAdams Sat 08-Dec-12 18:53:10

Frightening is a word often used when actually describing assertive behaviour by women i.e. taking the lead in a relationship, wanting to know where they stand, getting angry at unreasonable behaviour etc etc.

OrangePanda Sat 08-Dec-12 19:32:08

Her post was personal against me and she suggests that I am posting to defend 'my men'. I have one man. Only one. I want only one. Thank you very much

LRDtheFeministDude Sat 08-Dec-12 20:02:15


Fair enough, I think probably most of us only have one man at most ...

AA - true. And just generally 'unfeminine' behaviour. Not shaving legs is 'frightening' apparently.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 08-Dec-12 20:27:22


<acts shoesize, not age>

LRDtheFeministDude Sat 08-Dec-12 20:46:00


hermioneweasley Sat 08-Dec-12 20:53:47

That advice is such bollocks. All the men I know idolise their women and are (rightfully) grateful that these goddesses took pity on them, the poor wretches.

OrangePanda Sat 08-Dec-12 23:00:25

Nice to see you all protect the old poster and bullying the new girl

So I read the article and it is good advice (nice to be a minority which I have always been anyway) and I am equals with my man. He picks up the cost of things and I look after him and the home and the cleaners. It is my choice and no-one forces me to choose it this way. And yes I am a feminist and I am free to make my choices just like any other person in free countries

FelicityWasSanta Sat 08-Dec-12 23:02:55

Orange, people aren't bullying you. Well done on successfully derailing an interesting thread though.

refuses to rise to any of the carefully laid bait in your last post

SinisterSal Sat 08-Dec-12 23:30:30

Woman know your place!
And seeing as we are not actively evil bastards, we'd prefer it if you were happy doing so - no biggy though.

<considers C&Ping this onto every thread in this section>

OrangePanda Sun 09-Dec-12 06:59:52

SinisterSal, I don't agree with you that the article is saying to know your place. It says have a full life and do all things that make you happy. Also be calm and happy with yourself so need for shouting swearing or feeling like stabbing. That works in life plus a relationship. It is conincidene that being this way is the way men like his life partner too but lots of women don't know it

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