Deliberately sexist, or just an idiot?(18 Posts)
We took my FIL out yesterday to a car show, while there he bumped into a man ( late 50's or so) he'd only met a couple of times from a different branch of his car club, he introduced me and DH and the man said hello to DH then turned away from me and said to FIL " she's not nearly as ugly as you told me she was" without acknowledging me in any way, FIL was a bit taken aback and I'm not too sure what he said as I was too busy picking my jaw up off the floor , I just turned to DH and said "Did I hear that right?" DH was as stunned as me and said yes, I just said "what a prat" and walked away, at which point DH said to him " Do you usually insult women you've never met before? you're lucky no-one has ever punched you" and walked away to join me.
FIL then came to us and tried to make light of it saying that it was just the man's sense of humour , not that he had apologised or anything
I cant believe anyone would do that, not with someone they barely knew, in fact it's an awful thing to say to anyone. I still can't quite believe he actually said it.
What an absolute piece of shit. Horrible, horrible man.
Not that enamoured of your FIL either. He should have bloody well stuck up for you and not tried to laugh it off.
Are you all right? That's the kind of thing that I would bloody dwell on for ages and be really upset by. Bloody bastards. Don't you listen to them.
I would ask your DH to have serious words with his father, actually.
Not sure if it is explicitly sexist, as he may also be similarly deeply insulting to anyone irrespective of gender
However, unless he is suffering from some sort of illness that means he is disinhibited socially (in which case I would feel sorry for him) then he simply sounds like a common or garden twat who is going to get a punch on the nose very soon, if he hasn't already.
That is nasty and yes,your DH needs to have a word with his Dad.
Just rude and nasty and thoroughly unpleasant.
Bloooooooody hell! What an outrageous thing to say! You poor thing. Try to forget it, he is clearly a scrotum mite.
Oh I had serious words with FIL, he still doesn't quite "get it" though, not even when I asked what he would have done if someone had said it about MIL when she was alive - she certainly wouldn't have see the "funny" side of something like that and he knows it.
DH stuck up for me and that's all that matters to me, he did say to FIL that if it was meant in humour then it wasn't very funny and that the man was an idiot.
I could imagine one of my dad's friend's saying something like this in jest (very Plymouthian sense of humour). He's in his late 60's though. It would always be meant as a compliment i.e. your daughter is a looker...and I would take it as such.
I doubt he would have commented on another man's looks so I think he was being sexist. And not acknowledging you when he acknowledged both men you were with, also sexist.
His rudeness may in other circumstances cross the gender divide, however . What a horrible man!
Sexist yes, but mostly just a massive piece of shit. Why he would think that would be funny I have no fucking clue, but I am sure that's what he thought he was being.
Sadly, I know lots of men like this. They are generally of my father's generation (late 60s) and often of an uneducated yet hard-working, self-made-man type background. In other words, pompous old gits. They have a self-assurance about and confidence in their own opinion which can be literally breath-taking at times.
I've often wondered if it's a product of that particular age and back-ground, you know the baby-boomers born after the war who've never known real hardship, lived in relative comfort in fairly good economic times (well, certainly for those that I know living in the South of England) or whether it's something that happens to ALL men when they reach that age - I am watching the men of my own generation closely the nearer we get
Hope you are OK.
rosabud certainly not all men go that way at a certain age.
My jaw dropped reading your OP Bela, my immediate thought was that this man must suffer some sort of mental degeneration.
Oh, well thankyou for that reassurance, LMIP, that's good to know that it's not all men. I am, however, surprised that your jaw dropped at the original OP and that you think the man who made the comment may have mental degenration as that implies you have never heard lots of very ordinary men make this kind of comment in what is supposed to be an attempt at humour. I'm surprised because it's certainly something that I've heard a lot from men, unless, of course, I've just come across lots of men who have a mental degeneration.
OP, what a horrible arrogant insensitive twunt! And of course sexist, speaking as if you don't exist. He doesn't know you yet he feels he has the right to laugh at your expense.
Try not to dwell on it because down that path lies madness! Your DH sounds great. FIL not so much.
Thre was definitely nothing wrong with him mentally - he runs the club magazine and is chief event organiser.
Rosabud, I think you have something there, pompous old gits does describe a lot of the men in my FIL's car club, as you say working men "done good" with a certain swagger and attitude, certainly FIL comes out with some stuff that he would never have said if MIL was still around and I always call him on it, as does DH.
You see it at club events, the older men stood around their cars puffing out their chests and the wives in the background making endless cups of tea and making sure everyone is fed, lots of cruel humour too, which is ok with people you know well I suppose.
I'm definitely not dwelling on a sad attempt at humour made by a self important old fool that I'll probably never see again (hopefully) .
LeBFG I was just about to ask the OP if she's sure it wasn't a twattish attempt at a compliment, because around here it might well be - I'm in Devon - it's what passes for 'humour'!
wow. what the others said............... but in a pathetic way the stranger might have been trying to get your attention. your FIL though????
I was out with my dad once and he met a man he hardly knew and they had a quick chat and the man said 'is this your wife?'. I nearly got sick.
Hope you feel better now. I'm only trying to help here.
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