Advanced search

right so am now having to colour code dd because if I don't she's going to get bloody confused.

(31 Posts)
unrulysun Thu 15-Nov-12 21:06:22

Dd is 2.5 and mostly wears nice hard-wearing jeans and tops with animals on. Mostly bought in the boys section because of the pink thing. But not overtly 'boys' clothes. She has quite short hair 'cos it's practical. Again not very very short, just not in her eyes.

And now other children at playgroups have started saying things like 'You can't play with THAT <indicates doll or pink thing dd wants> you're a BOY'.

So I now feel like I need to put a hairgrip in her hair or give her pink socks or a T-shirt with a frigging cupcake on or something so that she doesn't get massively confused about her gender.

Fuck's sake. Am really really angry about this shit.

sleepyhead Thu 15-Nov-12 21:09:33

Can you not just teach her to say "Don't be silly. I'm a girl!".

I don't believe for one second they think she's a boy btw. I'd have a word with the nursery staff. For one, the children shouldn't be telling anyone they can't play with something because of their gender (so bloody what if she was a boy and wanted to play with a doll??), and for another, it doesn't sound like they're being very nice to her.

I know they're only little (assuming the other children are only 2/3) but this needs to be squashed.

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 15-Nov-12 21:10:46

Mine have always had lots of girls clothes that are not pink. I'm not sure dd2 actually owns anything pink. Lots of reds, purples, yellows, not much pink, actually I lie she has pink t-shirt with a Meerkat on because she loves Meerkats.

We shop mainly at Tesco, Debenhams and Next.

unrulysun Thu 15-Nov-12 21:13:47

It's playgroups rather than a nursery. And I say to the children concerned, 'No, she's a girl'. It's not their fault they're brainwashed is it? But I don't want her to have to fight a gender battle (on my behalf?) everytime she leaves the house. Especially not since the whole point of not pinkifying her is that she be a confident person who isn't shoehorned into some kind of gender role.

Just very frustrated that I can't make choices for her without society biting back and saying 'no, she's a girl, SHE MUST BE PINK'

unrulysun Thu 15-Nov-12 21:15:54

Dooin - I seriously struggle to find girls clothes that aren't pink or have overly flowery, lovey, hearts, cupcakes etc on. Haven't tried Tesco...

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 15-Nov-12 21:16:09

I've never witnessed this phenomena in real life. All the little boys I know sometimes play with dolls and dress as fairies and all the little girls I know like trains and cars etc.

Maybe it is a regional thing?

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 15-Nov-12 21:17:23

Oh dd2 is not keen at all on pink and fussy, her clothes have to be suitable for tree climbing and sword fighting with sticks. Boots, jeans and tops. She likes dressing up for parties but that's about it.

LadyofWinterfell Thu 15-Nov-12 21:23:43

Sainsburys have got some nice bold blue and red stuff in at the moment among the pink, I bought DD1 some today and I struggle to get things in the colours she (and I) like!

DD2 however is a lost cause.

Arkady Thu 15-Nov-12 21:24:01

My long haired and very pretty boy knows he's a boy, and has never thought he's a girl. Even though random strangers constantly do. He spends a lot of time announcing "I'm not a little girl I'm a big boy", but it doesn't seem to bother him.

Sadly as so many other people do colour code their kids, many of those kids will believe that someone not in head to toe pink can't be a girl. Particularly kids who believe that boys can't play with dolls etc.

unrulysun Thu 15-Nov-12 21:24:09

Dunno - I live in London? And in real life I think... smile

jiminyCrick Thu 15-Nov-12 21:24:27

I had two big brothers and mainly wore their hand me downs (aside from for party dresses) there are pictures of me in crappy t-shirts advertising trucking companies! (parents were big on free stuff) Barely any girly stuff in sight. It did me no harm. Also, kids were mean to me, but they were mean to everyone, I didn't really care.

I was never bothered with playing with dolls, the best xmas present I ever got was a mini tool kit, I was more interested in making stuff, anything, clothes for my toys, play houses. There was no worry about gender specific anything. It seems like a modern phenomenon. If you had no choice in what you put her in, you wouldn't even be thinking about it.

Personally, I think the fact that what I was wearing didn't matter helped me to not give a damn about what people thought. I'm sure your DD is as sensible as you and will learn to stand up to the nasty bullies. You do whatever you want to do and damn it if some little kids will change what you chose to do!

I know you don't want her to be unhappy, but when she realises that they're being stupid, it could be good for her. I never gave into trends or fahsions as a teenager, simply choosing things that I liked, and I did it with confidence, and if anyone laughed at me for it, more fool them. If you give into them, it's not the best lesson in

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 15-Nov-12 21:25:17

Mine are the opposite. Dd1 is very girly and image conscious. Dd2 doesn't care, so long as she climb in it, she will wear it, although she does like glitter but then so does my nephew.

D0oinMeCleanin Thu 15-Nov-12 21:26:28

I'm in the NE, we're a bit rougher up here I think wink All the kids play rough and tumble, dresses and plimsolls just wouldn't work.

unrulysun Thu 15-Nov-12 21:26:28

Arkady it's good to hear that it's not something he's bothered about. Maybe I just need to let her say 'I'm a girl'? Just worried that she should have to stress that when most of the other girls don't? Don't want her to think there's something not quite right with her confused

RubyrooUK Thu 15-Nov-12 21:28:42

I don't think she'll be confused. I had never a single pink item growing up and wore mainly brown/blue. I went to a school where I was the only girl but still seemed to grow up pretty feminine and non-confused about my gender.

DS goes to nursery with a whole bunch of kids and only a couple of the girls are sparkly pink clothes wearers. DS' best friend is a girl and she wears his clothes quite often as well as a whole bunch of tops and trousers (occasionally a dress).

I think your DD's wardrobe sounds pretty normal and you should ignore the other children. Someone told my son the other day at nursery that he was a banana, so I don't think you can take these things too seriously. grin

unrulysun Thu 15-Nov-12 21:30:57

It's all a bit Petit Bateau where I am biscuit So quite dresses and plimsolls indeed. And dd is more of a climber/roller/tumbler. Possibly because she doesn't have to worry about exposing thirty quids worth of frilly pants...

And Jiminycrick yes I think a modern thing. Which is why I worry...

unrulysun Thu 15-Nov-12 21:32:00

God knows how I'll reconcile her to not being a banana...

Mathsdidi Thu 15-Nov-12 21:34:07

My dd2 is the same age and is massively into dinosaurs at the minute. So ALL the clothes she is happy to wear are boys clothes, jeans and a dinosaur tshirt. She also has wellies with cars/trucks on and a blue coat. The one clue people have as to her gender is her slightly longer hair but her little friend who is a boy also has longer hair. When people mistake her for a boy she just laughs at them and says 'I'm a girl!!' She's perfectly happy and if she has to fight a gender battle she's fine with that as long as she's allowed to carry on wearing her dinosaur tshirts and socks.

EverybodysSnowyEyed Thu 15-Nov-12 21:38:50

my dd is the same age, has short hair because that's all she's grown! She wears a variety of clothes, including pink and dresses, because I don't think you should restrict everything 'girly' just because it is girly. She wears a lot of DS' hand me downs too

Whatever she wears people think she is a boy. It's the hair. Children at that age are gender neutral unless they are completely naked! People don't look beyond the hair!

DD couldn't care less! But no one has ever said she can't do something because of her gender - I didn't really think little ones really had much idea about gender differences.

I tend to buy her clothes in GAP, M&S, the supermarkets etc, loads of their stuff is a range of colours/not too many motifs that are particularly girly. She's very rough and tumble so she needs practical clothing!

Maisieskates Thu 15-Nov-12 21:41:27

It's tough I know, I have heard many parents say their DS shouldn't play with dolls, prams etc at playgroups. Not sure what they think will happen to them? Likewise most of the mums I know would never dream of dressing their DS in anything pink/ purple. Again, what will happen?

Most women I know drive cars and wear very little pink. Most men I know are more than happy when they get a chance to push the buggy and don't wear head to toe blue/ brown every day.

Dress your DD however you like, I do, you will find yourself 'educating' people along the way. Your DD will witness this and mirror the way in which you deal with these scenarios. Fantastic lesson for your little one.

unrulysun Thu 15-Nov-12 21:45:39

A woman in my ante-natal group said she didn't want her ds to play with prams 'in case he turned into a 'chufty''.

We don't see her anymore because she's a homophobic arsehole

jiminyCrick Thu 15-Nov-12 21:54:29

Be anti-modern! smile

Dang these new fangled kids.

RubyrooUK Thu 15-Nov-12 21:59:47

I did see a woman in the supermarket the other day tell her little girl - about three years old - that she could get a toy. The girl wanted a car and her mum laughed at her and said "that's a boy's toy! Put it back. You can't get a boy's toy." She was dressed as a small pink version of her mother.

Found it a bit depressing especially as DS was busy next to her wearing his girls' denim leggings and shouting about Peppa Pig while asking for a teaset.

SilentMammoth Thu 15-Nov-12 22:13:08

I also struggle to find non pink cupcake clothes. That is why my dds wear mostly clothes from the boy section. It pisses me off though, a few weeks ago dd4 attended church wearing beige cords and a white t shirt. A teenage boy asked his mum "when is mammoth going to start dressing her like a girl?".

Op, I taught my girls to loudly declaim "don't you oppress me!"in that kind of situation. Nice nod to monty python whilst seeing the chauvinist s off.

kim147 Thu 15-Nov-12 22:17:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: