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I've just done something big and brave and bold, but now I'm thinking 'oh help'!

(22 Posts)
kickassangel Sat 10-Nov-12 22:22:52

So, I have been messing around with the idea of doing an MA for many years - at least 10. This morning I went and registered to do an MA in Women & Gender Studies. I'm REALLY pleased, excited etc. It's part time, fits in around my job, and the person at the local uni was so helpful and inspirational. She's one of the lecturers so that is all good.

The buyers remorse? Well, I have been discussing this with 'd'h & he hasn't exactly been supportive. I was talking about doing the MA in Educational Leadership, and even then he balked at the money. He doesn't know that I went for the WGS course. We don't talk much, in case that isn't clear. Nor does he do a whole lot around the house or with dd. This is partly WHY I chose the course I did. Mainly I chose it because it's the one I want to do, and the Educational one is for people who really want to be a school principal, whereas I just want to be an excellent teacher, and may go into the management side of things later.

Being harshly realistic, finding the time, money and childcare for this course is going to require a bit of juggling, but it is certainly possible. I have up to 6 years to complete it, and can even take a 2 year break, and/or get an extension on that time, so it's not like I've just signed away the family finances. The course tutor even said that if I was stuck for childcare I could bring dd to lectures and they would get her involved answering questions and drawing on the board.

BUT I can see dh being upset over this. I haven't deliberately kept him out of my decision making, but he takes so little interest in me/my life that I didn't volunteer the information either. Our relationship is such that I have spoken to a divorce lawyer and know roughly how much I would get in child/spousal support from him, and live within that budget (even paying for the MA) so I kind of feel that I am being morally OK on the money side. If he asked I would tell him, but he hasn't even asked if I enrolled or just went to talk to them, even though I was gone about 4 hours. It will involve him having to pick up dd from childcare once a week, but I think he should be willing to do that anyway. If we divorced, he would have to spend more time with her than he currently does, or he would be liable for a whole load more child support than I was quoted by the lawyer.

I'm not even sure that there's any point to this post, except that yay! I'm going to do an MA in a subject I love, and eek! it really could be the final death toll to the marriage. I have no family around me and daren't tell friends yet - waiting for official acceptance although I got a verbal yes this morning.

StewieGriffinsMom Sat 10-Nov-12 22:32:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kickassangel Sat 10-Nov-12 22:48:35

I'm sure I'll be on here plenty as the course gets going - hopefully I start in

I can tell people at work - the school I'm in is so pro-equality in all forms, that I will literally get a slap on the back from everyone, so I will be telling them soon. I need a reference from them anyway, and they will be very supportive.

About the marriage - it's so long and complicated I really don't know. I'm thinking that I need some of the areas I'll be studying to get my head round how my life is and what I want to do about it.

I'll post the course titles soon, but currently playing chess with dd, and don't want her reading this over my shoulder.

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 10-Nov-12 23:11:25

Oh, wow, that sounds brilliant! I hope your DH comes round - but I agree with you, you're morally OK and it does sound as if this isn't an isolated issue. sad

The lecturer sounds amazing - it sounds really exciting and like SGM, I'm dead jealous and want to know all about what you'll be studying!

kickassangel Sun 11-Nov-12 00:00:29

OK - Well, I have just been beaten at chess by a 9 year old!
However, I still believe I have the intelligence for an MA.

Here's the course list
Feminist thought (basics is Fem theory)
Research on Women's Issues (I think it includes case studies and how to do research)

Then I can choose some practical and thesis work - as I teach I can see lots of ways to tie this in.

Then there's a whole load of electives, covering things like:
Women & economics
Women in education (both as teachers and as students)
Women & Health (inc mental health)
Domestic violence/sexual assault (won't be taking dd to any of those classes)
Women in film/pop culture - something I am really keen on so will do at least one of those.

Then there are 'special topics' where basically you choose a topic, discuss it then go away and write about it.

The school I teach at is quite elite & expensive private, BUT also very liberal/socialist in its own American way. If I wanted to look at the education of females in deprives aread, they would prob. support me in setting up some kind of exchange between our nice, professional, mc kids, and some of the very deprived areas in Detroit - about 20 mins from our school.

Quite a comprehensive set of courses - about 30 in total, I have to study about 8

FastidiaBlueberry Sun 11-Nov-12 00:33:10


Sounds like your DH wouldn't be able to add much to your decision-making anyway tbh, so well done on going ahead without his input.

Enjoy the course!

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa Sun 11-Nov-12 00:43:55

Well done kickass . You are inspirational smile

VerySmallSqueak Sun 11-Nov-12 00:46:33

That sounds really interesting.
Congratulations for getting on it,and I hope you can work things out so that you have the right support in place to make the most of it.

kickassangel Sun 11-Nov-12 02:10:41

You make me wanna - really not sure I'm inspirational. At some point I need to grow some big kahunas and thrash this out with dh. For years we've been living in a kind of impasse of being friendly - ish, with the occasional big fight, then pretending that it's all OK when really it isn't.

I desperately want to get more work (currently pt) and am hoping that this MA will help with that. financial independence is my big aim in life now.

I LOVE the idea of dd sitting in on some classes. She'll either switch off and plug in to the ds, or be telling them all what she thinks.

I walked past the student union shop, and they have graduation gowns and caps in the window. Really hope that I manage to see this through, and one day dd will see me graduate. I really want her to see that women don't need to be the little housewife, but can work for what they want.

AbigailAdams Sun 11-Nov-12 08:33:56

This sounds really exciting kickass. Such a shame you can't enjoy it with your husband. Never mind it could be the kickstart to your new life.

I'm a bit jealous too grin

Lastofthepodpeople Sun 11-Nov-12 08:43:41

Congrats, I'm also jealous. It sounds great. Good luck with it.

Grumpla Sun 11-Nov-12 08:51:37


My mum is a retired Women's Studies lecturer and I think for her one of the most inspiring things about her job was watching her students apply feminism to their own lives. Some of them were able to make the most incredible transformations. Learning of any kind is incredibly empowering - your course sounds ace smile

ConsiderCasey Sun 11-Nov-12 08:54:18

I don't think you should associate the MA with the problems in your marriage because it sounds to me that they have been there for a while, but you may be able to glean some insight into it from your course...

Your course sounds great. I reckon you should keep a mumsnet blog as you go along the course, if you have time that is!! Good luck!

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 11-Nov-12 13:33:17

Oh, this all sounds absolutely amazing.

You will see this through, and your DD will see you graduate. You can do it!

I love the idea of blogging ... if you have scraps of time? Just purely selfishly it'd be lovely to hear how it goes.

kickassangel Sun 11-Nov-12 14:00:44

I have a blog which I have done 3 entries for in the last 8 months! But I enjoy doing some writing and I have the odd feminist rant or do some fiction with a feminist slant.

Re the marriage, I am kind of thinking that the situation is such that sooner or later something will happen and we will get to a point of no return. This could be the catalyst for that. Anyway, I decided ages ago that I should carry on and make the decisions I want for my life rather than being the trailing spouse who has no career of their own. It's my turn now.

(was n't always like this btw, but since having dd ther has been a steady decline)

BeeBawBabbity Sun 11-Nov-12 16:26:55

Well done for being brave, I hope you thoroughly enjoy it.

kickassangel Sun 11-Nov-12 17:06:10

btw - I know it's hardly world shattering, but given that I think it quite likely that either a)I will get so pissed off with dh the more I do this course, that I will end the marriage, or b) he will be so cross that I am not doing th right MA that he will blow up, it feels like abig deal to me.

I WILL try to blog about it. In fact, I should really write more than I do, as I have loads of things I want to write, but finding time is hard. I see a NY resolution coming on.

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 11-Nov-12 20:53:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondenurse Thu 15-Nov-12 21:56:16

Congrats kickassangel! I started an MA last year. Have to say, not easy with two small children, but it ties in with my work and makes me feel good about myself when I get good marks or learn something new. Although my MA is not in women's studies, I have managed to incorporate a feminist thread into all of my essays! In fact, I'm currently putting the finishing touches to my essay on how women support one another on mumsnet! Good luck!

AnyFucker Thu 15-Nov-12 22:00:29

Congratulations ! smile

Blondenurse, that is a really interesting essay. You ought to share it on the boards when it is done.

SilentMammoth Thu 15-Nov-12 22:06:25

Wow. I am soo jealous! Enjoy, enjoy, please blog! Can I ask what requirements are? I have a BSc, would that do or not enough?

WomanlyWoman Fri 16-Nov-12 10:56:18

Well done for being so brave. I would like to read your blog if you manage to find the time. Good on you smile

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