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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

My gender stereotyping moan of the day

43 replies

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 15/10/2012 12:39

I have posted quite a lot recently about gender stereotypes and the arguments for and against 'innate' characteristics of the sexes. It has been something on my mind recently and I have become even more aware of the comments that are made on a daily basis.

Today, we went to the supermarket. DD2 (16 months) was having an independence moment and was determined to walk, plus help me carry one of the carrier bags back to the car. Two people commented:

  • Person one (mistook her for a boy) : Isn't he strong, helping his mummy
  • Person two: Aw, isn't she sweet, she wants to do the shopping.


I know these people may have said the same to the opposite gender, and I am not criticising either of them as such. But just ARRRRGGGHHH. Comment to a boy on strength. Comment to a girl on being sweet and wanting to go shopping.
OP posts:
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OneHandFlapping · 15/10/2012 12:50

And young children absorb those messages, and become preoccupied with complying with gender specific roles IME.

My gender stereotyping moan of the day is .

Women are:

a) airhead shopaholics
b) mumsy grocery buying drudges
c) mad cat ladies

Men are:

a) trawler fishermen
b) sport cyclists
c) criminals
d) in the pub with a pint

Angry

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samandi · 15/10/2012 13:08

Ha! I doubt they would have said the same about the opposite sex child. It's mindless.

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Startailoforangeandgold · 15/10/2012 13:15

That ad is truly awful and like the OPs comments seems to suggest women are only fit for shoppingAngry

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YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 15/10/2012 13:36

In the same vein as the adverts this one gives me the rage too. The dad must be a reasonably competent cook - he thinks to stuff a chicken breast (even if it is with Philly, yuck) and wrap it in bacon. But we have to have a whole 'oh, mum's out so I'm cooking' and lots of eye rolling at the thought he could do it properly. It's like something the Apprentice candidate roll out.

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samandi · 16/10/2012 09:02

YoullLaugh - yes, I had a small rant about that one the other day :-)

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Lottapianos · 16/10/2012 13:02

OP, that would send me ranty too. And people dont' seem to realise how prevalent these messages are and seem to think it's all down to 'hardwiring' Hmm

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TotoroOnTheCatBus · 22/10/2012 20:37

This s one of the reasons I tend to leave dd dressed as a boy.. she gets comments on how big/strong/friendly/talkative she is.. Dressed as a girl, aren't you so pretty, look at your pretty dress..

I try and tell her how big and strong she is as often as I can in a positive way. She won't hear as she gets older (not in a nice way anyway) as she is a girl and she will be big and strong. I'm nearly 6 foot and dh is 6'3 so it is a sure thing and I don't want her to internalize the idea the girls should be dainty and weak.

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OneMoreChap · 23/10/2012 15:38

TotoroOnTheCatBus
... I don't want her to internalize the idea the girls should be dainty and weak.

This! Thank you! I detest this drive for some parents - both male and female - to wrap their kids in sodding cotton wool. DD and DS were taught to climb, throw balls, ride bikes, get muddy, cope with scabbed knees, swim in open water.

DS and DD were similarly taught easy cooking, sewing buttons, trouser hems, changing plugs and using power tools. [OK, chainsaws waited till they were teens... so they could wear the kit]

Aaaargh when I see daddy's little pwincesses, mummy's bwave climbing hero.

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TotoroOnTheCatBus · 23/10/2012 18:25

.. ah have you seen a "future WAG" t-shirt.. Dh practically had to physically restrain me from throttling the parents. Sigh

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OneMoreChap · 23/10/2012 18:55

Jeez. paucity of aspiration, imagination and ambition, or what?

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MakesCakesWhenStressed · 23/10/2012 19:02

I find it very difficult to praise my ds for things that are not typically said to boys, because most of the positive things said to small children about their characteristics or achievements are more masculine, all the positive things said to girls are about their appearance. So whilst I occasionally call him sweet, or doesn't he look lovely in that top, mostly I praise his curiosity, strength, activity, intelligence.
I make sure I say these things to his female friends too, but I rarely have to edit the things I saw to ds whereas I often have to self edit things I say to his girlfriends. Sad, but true.

Pet hate phrase ' typical boy'

No. typical baby. Grrr

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HenriettaChicken · 24/10/2012 11:06

My experience exactly, MakesCakesWhenStressed.

I have a 6 month DS. When he's kicking his legs about he's a 'little footballer'. Girls, however, are 'little ballerinas'. Hmm

And this stereotyping started in the womb!

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droid400004 · 24/10/2012 19:51

a lady in the street today called my son (dressed in hot pink trousers, red wellies and a green coat, pushing his baby doll in a barbie pushchair) a sweet girl - I enjoyed her face when I told her he was a boy :)

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YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 24/10/2012 20:32

Today's annoyance. Three three year olds all complaining about getting socks and shoes on after a swimming lesson. Mother says 'Oh, it's a boy thing, boys are lazy.'. She was crouching next to her son and another little boy. Hadn't noticed that the third child moaning was my DD.

I mean, for god's sake, do we have to make toddler whining a gendered issue?

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HenriettaChicken · 25/10/2012 11:19

And my annoyance of the day. A friend's DD is turning 2 and she's after gift suggestions.

So far: dolls' house, pram & doll, kitchen.

Angry Sad

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LibrariansMakeNovelLovers · 25/10/2012 11:47

Oooh, I saw advertised on freecycle Girls toys: cuddly toys, dolls, a small play kitchen, play house
So, dolls and can just about understand because society really frowns on it (poor DS1 even got teased at school for playing with a doll. luckily the teacher overheard and squashed the other child) but kitchens, cuddly toys and play houses are for girls are they?

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YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 25/10/2012 12:36

My suggestions for what DD loved at two - Lego, scooter, play food and play cooker, train set. Smile

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ninjasquirrel · 25/10/2012 17:33

My moan - ad in today's paper "19 smelly socks. 12 sweaty shirts. 5 dirty jumpers and 1 washing fairy" Picture of woman gazing into the distance "Being a mum can be hard but choosing your energy deal shouldn't be..."

Oh fuck off.

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rogersmellyonthetelly · 28/10/2012 18:02

Girls should be dainty and weak - how many times did I hear this implied in my childhood! As a result I was chronically self conscious as a teenager and young woman about my height, build and my large hands and unladylike size 8 feet.
Thankfully common sense took over in the end and I now see myself as being a perfectly normal woman, just built on a slightly bigger scale than the average. it has it's advantages, my huge handspan means I can pick things Up in one hand that most people need two hands for, my strength means I rarely need to ask for help with lifting stuff, and size 8 shoes are plentiful in the sales :0) gotta look on the bright side of life.

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Yama · 28/10/2012 18:15

The main reason I like ds's hair long (he is 2) is so that people don't treat him like a boy so much. We have had so much programming to treat boys and girls differently that it's hard to break the habit. And most people don't see the need to break the habit.

Society has told my daughter that it is good to be pretty. As yet, I don't think the dainty message has hit her and the Princess stuff I actively combat.

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SkaterGrrrrl · 28/10/2012 18:45

My son is 2 weeks old. Relatives on meeting him have commented on his strength and his "strong features". A fiver says had I dressed him in pink, his features would have been described as "dainty".

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grumpyinthemornings · 06/11/2012 21:11

droid I think I've seen your lad Grin or one very similar. DP got a slap for saying prams and dolls were girl toys...

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ProcrastinatingPanda · 06/11/2012 21:23

I seen calendars and organisers for sale a few days ago, they were all pink or ''Mum's family organiser". Why can't it be 'parents family organiser'?

That and the Fairy advert, that makes me see red.

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HenriettaChicken · 07/11/2012 00:09

Panda, steer clear of the new Asda add then. Angry

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MrsTerryPratchett · 07/11/2012 03:47

Those organisers make me furious. I have told the sellers that I won't buy one that says "Mommy" or "Mum" or similar.

DD (almost 2) is a climber and has no fear at all. Whenever she is up a climbing frame or on a bouncy castle, the parents (mainly fathers) of boys say things like, "that little girl is doing it" or "if that little girl can go on it you can". I just want to shout at them. Firstly, it is OK if your DS is timid or shy or cautious, he is fine AND my DD is foolhardy in comparison to most children, not just girls. Don't act like if she can do it, your son can do it, or even wants to.

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