I am posting this in FWR as I am looking for thoughts and input from like minded folk. I understand that this topic is frequented by MNers from right across the feminist spectrum (IYSWIM!) and threads can often turn into a bunfight about whether or not we are talking a load of shite. However, I really am looking for constructive input, so while contributions from anyone are welcome, I don't want to simply be told I am being ridiculous or any such thing without any helpful comments.
So, DP & I have a DS. If we do ever get married I would not change my surname. When I was pregnant with DS I was adamant that we come up with a fair way of deciding whose surname he got, as there was no way he was going to automatically get DP's. So we went with boy gets his/girl gets mine, which was fine with both of us except I lost . Now I am pregnant with DC2 and am thinking about surnames again. Again, I see no logical reason why s/he should automatically get DP's, but somehow it doesn't seem so easy to be adamant about it this time, as for him/her to have my surname would mean 2 kids with 2 different surnames. I am a great believer in what kids grow up with is normal for them, but equally, I don't of course want to single them out for a hard life.
Feedback so far from the topic coming up in conversation - and my response to it - includes:
"But how will they know they're siblings if they have different surnames?" - Err, we'll tell them...
"But it'd be confusing for them" - Really? Kids seem to cope with having different first names without too much confusion (and as I said, I do think kids can be far more accepting of the unusual than adults sometimes)
"But people will think they've got different fathers" - So the fuck what?
So while I have no problem digging my heels in and challenging norms when I feel it is needed, part of me wonders if it would be putting my feminist stubbornness above the interest of my kids. I can't decide if this is edging over into too-contrary-even-for-me territory... So I would be interested in others' thoughts, opinions & inputs on this - I'm not very good at 'picking my battles' - so help me decide whether this one is worth the trouble!
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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
Giving DCs different surnames?
35 replies
somuchforanindiansummer · 19/09/2012 14:09
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