Letter to policeman dealing with my (historic) rape complaint

[Bobits]

This topic is personal to me - Please be sensitive.

I do not know if this is where I should post this,
alot of action is needed, and I am just one woman, one victim, what can I do?
Tell my truth to one other person, who may or may not listen.
But if that one person does,
I've made a little difference xx

Policeman 1,

Thank you for investigating the report of rape I made. You dealt with the case and myself very professionally.

I am not appealing the decision made my the PPS not to prosecute, as the police did their job very well to collect all relevant evidence pertaining to the case and appealing will not change that fact.

If you could also pass on my thanks to Policeman 2, as he dealt with myself and the case sensitively and professionally. I am very appreciative of this.

If you could not pass on my thanks to Policeman 3. He dealt with myself neither professionally or sensitively.

I hope you do not take what I have said personally, as it is not intended that way. I appreciate that you do a very important and difficult job protecting people, and from your perspective, dealing with rape victims who assist you in your enquires into a very serious crime.

However, from the perspective of a rape victim, at the time of reporting (and sadly not many get there) much of the damage has been done. The police are part of damage limitation. You are assisting a rape victim in using their damage to help protect themselves and also protect others, also a very important and difficult choice and job.

Even though I knew there was very little chance of conviction...

I don't know what is in the head of my rapist. I have an idea during the rape he had feelings of excitement and power - "will anyone interrupt me", "can I remove her underwear with out her waking up" "I did, I'm going to get away with this", "I can do anything I want".

If by reporting this, him being questioned by the police is added to his memory of that night.
If he is ever in a similar position, and is triggered,
If this extra memory of this experience makes him think twice,
If it protects someone else from going through it too.
It is worth all the damage.

If you can appreciate the value of what I am saying, it would count more in terms of sensitivity than any training could offer.
And perhaps a better level of trust would be built (and trust is a huge issue for any victim)and better quality of information would be obtained from the victim in a less traumatic manner.
And perhaps ultimately more victims would make the choice to report.

The changes in the law and the pack that is given out are positive changes.
I hope if myself, my daughter or my son ever have to deal with your department in the future
More will have changed.

Thanks again
Bobits

[sashh]

Copy it in to the chief constable - they like to know things like this.

You are brave posting anywhere on the internet. I wold like to say something encouraging, but I'm sorry the words are not forming in my head.

[aufaniae]

I think you're doing the right thing in writing to complain, but I think it might benefit from a bit of a rewrite as I don't think it's very clear what the policeman did wrong.

I think you need to be more specific about what he did which was a failure in his duty, and how that affected you.

Also I reckon you should demand an apology!

[aufaniae]

And it's not clear why you're mentioning what the rapist might have been thinking. Is that relevant to your complaint? If so, you need to make it clear why IMO.

I hope that's a useful comment.

[edam]

Hi Bobits, so sorry the swine wasn't prosecuted. I think it's a very good idea to write to them but I agree, you need to explain (to them, not us) what policeman 3 did wrong, so that they understand what they need to stop doing.

[Bobits]

Thankyou for your input ladies.

I do feel I should formally complain in relation to the specific things that were 'insensitive'. And would be for any victim (but am not explaining them here).

I do hope to do this, I'm just getting there slowly as have other big stuff to deal with. And this takes up alot of emotional energy (and doesn't leave much left over).

This is just a little letter, I haven't put into it what was said as the policeman was there and would know what I was talking about - he was there. Although I would include in a more formal letter..... it's just all this feels yuk and I don't like writing it out.

Apologies for being vague.
Thankyou again xx

[TheDreadedFoosa]

Are you sure its policeman 1 you want to address this to?
Its concievable that this will mean little to him as he has new cases every day.
Have you considered instead addressing to someone further up who would be obliged to deal with your feedback on an official level?

[suburbophobe]

A very brave and brilliant letter.

I would just say I had a weird experience with the police coming to my parents home (not in any way related), there had been a break in - elderly parents, mum in a home, dad in hospital) during a garden break in....

While talking to the policeman, he asked me if I was married...! WTF! I made light of it and a joke (divorced, not that that was any of his business), but I felt quite vulneralble, actually at that..
Luckily there was a woman PC there too

(Been through abuse in relationships, so more "sensitive" I guess)....

~ there needs to be a lot more training for police! ~

[Nancy66]

I'm very sorry to hear this has happened to you.

However, if you want to send the letter then you need to start again.
It doesn't make sense I'm afraid. I couldn't make sense of what you were trying to say - sorry.

[CailinDana]

What is your aim in writing the letter?

[maybenow]

I think you should write to boss of the police area and commend policemen 1 and 2 but mention issues with policeman 3.

Not necessarily to 'make a complaint' but just to say could you pass on particularly to policemen 1 and 2 that their response was of the standard you would hope for.

[maybenow]

I think that as it stands your current letter asks policeman 1 to intervene in the behaviour of policeman 3. Unless police 1 is senior to police 3 that's not appropriate.

I would HATE a letter thanking me at work but saying my equal-level colleague was not good enough... I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Hope that's ok for me to say that?

[Bobits]

Again ladies, thankyou for your input.

I apologise that I am not able to put into words what I am trying to say
And answer your questions.

This is just a thankyou and gentle constructive criticism to the policeman 1 dealing with the complaint. In a way I used 2 & 3 as a comparison to try to illustrate this. It did not warrant a complaint.

I will write a seperate formal complaint wrt policeman 3, to the superior.

Thankyou again xx

[ParsleyTheLioness]

Bobits when you send your letter, might be an idea to ring up Police HQ Training Dept first, find out who is responsible for sexual offences training, and make sure they get a copy of the letter. Then they can, hopefully, use it to inform training.

[Bobits]

Have amended x

In July 2012, I reported to the police, my ex-partner for rape, 3 years to the date.

I am not appealing the decision made my the PPS not to prosecute, as the police did their job very well to collect all relevant evidence pertaining to the case and appealing will not change that fact.

Although I am satisfied with the outcome of the investigation, I was upset with certain comments made during the investigation.

During the investigation the police asked if I was aware what a serious crime rape was and it's consequences, in light of the fact that we now had a daughter together, and my reason for reporting was not genuine.
I know nothing of police procedure. I've never been accused of rape, or convicted of rape. I know nothing of these things. All I know are the consequences of being a victim. The fear and the vulnerability and the choices made to try to stay safe. The damage that follows. 12 years of damage in one simple question. And in that question I no longer felt like a survivor, I felt like a victim.
This damage is illustrated separately.

As a rape victim/survivor, the answer to the question of ?whether I knew what a serious crime rape is?? simply put is the damage the police cannot see when they are questioning a victim. This for a rape victim/survivor is the very reason why rape is such a serious crime and in light of this, I don?t feel it is a sensitive question to ask any victim and the police have a responsibility to treat all victims sensitively.

Also during the investigation. The assisting officer Policeman 3 made reference to him having messy nights with the wife when they couldn't remember.
This was upsetting because in the context of me reporting an incident of rape, where I had too much to drink and passed out - it came across that he was comparing the two events - sending me the message that he thought what I was reporting wasn't rape or that he rapes his wife on a regular basis.

Policeman 3 also mentioned many of the reports the police receive are when people have been drinking.
It is sad, the policeman knew this fact, I personally know this, and I wonder how many rapists know and use this also?
It is my personal opinion that he didn't say this to empathise with my situation or the situation of many women who have been taken advantage of when drinking, but that his opinion is that many of the reports made are not genuine.

I appreciate the police do a very important and difficult job protecting people, and from police perspective, dealing with rape victims who assist their enquires into a very serious crime.

However, from the perspective of a rape victim, at the time of reporting (and sadly not many get there) much of the damage has been done. The police are part of damage limitation. The police are assisting a rape victim in using their damage to help protect themselves and also protect others, also a very important and difficult choice and job.

If you can appreciate the value of what I am saying, it would count more in terms of sensitivity than any training could offer.
And perhaps a better level of trust would be built (and trust is a huge issue for any victim) and better quality of information would be obtained from the victim in a less traumatic manner.
And perhaps ultimately more victims would make the choice to report.

The changes in the law and the pack that is given out are positive changes.
I hope if myself, my daughter or my son ever have to deal with the rape crime department in the future
More will have changed.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Bobits I'm really sorry policeman 3 said those things, I think it is a very clear letter with some good training points that I hope would be taken up.

Hope you are ok xx