buying DD 'boys' toys'

[irnbruguzzler]

I made the effort not to buy DS overly gendered toys but I now feel like I'm being hypocritical with DD. She wants what are traditionally boys toys for xmas, but since I deprived DS of these is it unfair to give in to her?

[Secondtimelucky]

I think restricting to 'neutral' toys possibly actually just reinforces gender stereotypes. I have two girls, so in some ways have a slightly easier time (it's obviously easier socially to give 'boy' things to girls) but my aim is really just for a mix of things - not just 'girly' toys.

Hard to say about how to balance the two children though. That's tricky.

[Grumpla]

What kind of toys are we talking about here?

[FoodUnit]

I think you have to look at it differently. You don't want to give toys which encourage subservient/submissive or violent/dominant behaviour in either sex, however if the toy fosters a skill that could be lucrative or beneficial in adulthood, then go ahead. Basically, don't think in terms of boys or girls toys, instead think of healthy/nurturing toys v unhealthy/distructive toys and avoid the latter for both sexes.

[thunderboltsandlightning]

They aren't boys toys they're toys. Get her what she wants.

If you're gendering toys you're being sexist.

[StitchingMoss]

My friend's 3 yr old DS has 3 barbies dolls and two dressing up dresses all bought for him by his dad - I have two boys and they have a whole variety of toys (nothing pink but that's cos I hate pink not cos it's girly!).

Please just buy her what she wants regardless of 'gender' .

[NoWayNoHow]

I would follow her lead really. See what she gravitates towards in a shop- DS plays with all sorts of toys, both "boys" and "girls" toys when he's at preschool, but when choosing something to buy with spending money, it will in invariably be something with wheels and loud sirens! I'm not going to say no to that just because it fulfils a stereotype, because i believe that he's choosing it because it's going to fulfil a developmental need at this stage of his life.

[lottiegb]

Not sure what you mean by boys' toys. If it's plastic guns I'd avoid entirely but it could be most good toys, including engineering, scientific and many educational toys, as everything is marketed in such a gendered way now.

[noblegiraffe]

What are boys' toys? Do you mean things like cars and garages, toolboxes and construction kits? Or things about science or dinosaurs? I'd definitely buy those for a girl if she was interested.

If you mean war toys, I wouldn't buy them for a boy either, but not on gender grounds.

[ZZZenAgain]

my dd wanted remote control police cars, trucks, lego rockets and planes - but she did not ever want barbies, bracelet making sets or anything like that. Is that the kind of thing you mean? Give them what they will play with, so give her what seems geared to boys if that is what she likes, and throw in a couple of things which seemed aimed at the girl market. Maybe she will like them, if she has them too. I would not have prevented a boy having certain things, I am sure you did not do that but tried to balance it perhaps. I don't think you need to forbid a boy or a girl specific things unless you really object to the company or some particular aspect of a specific toy

[Trills]

If you banned something for your DS then presumably you had a good reason so why would you want to get one of whatever-it-is for your DD?

Or did you ban things for your DS for reasons that in retrospect are not looking so good?

[skrumle]

impossible to tell without knowing what the toys are and your reasons for not buying them. but if you are still of the view that they are not "good" toys then yes you're probably being hypocritical...

my DS is getting a barbie this christmas despite the fact my DD never had one, but then she had no interest in dollies of any description! if she had actually wanted one i would probably have got it for her.

[molly3478]

I just get them whatever they want I dont think there is any thing like boys or girls toys its just what they like playing with. Thats what it was like when I was little and how I am with my kids.

[clairefromsteps]

Buy her the toys she's asked for. It will make her happy which will have the knock-on effect of making you happy. As long as you're not saying she can't have a specific toy on the basis of her gender then I think it's all good.

[SucksToBeMe]

I have got DS (2) a kitchen this year. I think you know best what will make her happy x

[irnbruguzzler]

She wants a gun.
When DS was her age he wanted one too but I refused, both on gender grounds and anti-violence.
Everyone is telling me (IRL) to give in and get what she wants but it doesn't sit easily with me.

[Trills]

If you don't approve of toy guns, don't get her a gun.

Nothing to do with her being a girl and your DS being a boy.

[YankNCock]

What Trills said.

Would a suction cup bow and arrow set suffice? I had one of those when I was 5. Probably not safe, but darn fun and I didn't pretend to kill anything with it.

[seeker]

A gun is not a boy's toy or a girl's toy. It isn't a toy at all. Don't buy one.

[AMumInScotland]

If you refused your son a toy gun, then you have to refuse your daughter too. Its either ok to play with toy guns or it isn't. and allowing her to have something you previously banned says loud and clear "I apply different rules to you because of your gender", which I assume is something you have tried to avoid?

[irnbruguzzler]

DS ended up getting a (water) gun anyway because my Mum went out and bought him one after I'd told her not to. She totally discriminates against them and I cant imagine her buying DD a gun she keeps buying her princess crap instead.