what I want for my DDs

[MrFawkesMan]

A while ago I posted asking for advice on what I should do to support feminism. There were some great responses. I went away, did some reading and some thinking.

I've decided to think about this in terms of what I want for my daughters. It helps me make it personal, and give me specific goals to think about in terms of the future world I want them to live in.

I want them to:
Never have their level of 'attractiveness' be a factor in their work.
Have a partner who is an equal contributor in taking care of their home and their children.
Have fair recognition of all the work they do to support their families.
Be allowed to balance their family and work priorities without guilt.
Not be penalized for putting their family before their career, if that is their choice.
Make jokes, use language and have a social life that is judged no differently than their male peers.
Make clothing choices which express their personal style, rather than conforming to social expectation/pressure.

I am sure this is elementary stuff to most of you, but it helps me to write it down. Apart from working with DW to provide good role models, I need to work out how to help make this happen. That's the next step!

[jamma111]

Not coming from a middle-class background, my aspirations for my daughter are a little simple;

• To be able to work and have a job.

[SinicalSal]

That's lovely Mrfawkes.
You're right it does help to write things down, for me anyway. Maybe that's why I find posting here so addictive.

Jamma - the way things are going I think mc and wc are all ending up in the same boat, everyone except the top 5%, in fact. Still don't want my girls or boys shoved into the specified gender boxes, I want them to be themselves, get decent jobs and be happy - don't think there's a contradiction, really.

[ComradeJing]

YY MrF

I would add that I'd like DD to not feel like she needs to be in a relationship. There are so many women on MN/IRL who seem to think that the very, very worst thing in the world is being single and would rather put up with an absolute shit of an DP to avoid this.

Also I would love my DD to live in a world where she is free from sexual violence and the small sexual harassments (comments, grouping etc) that all women are subject to.

[ComradeJing]

Sorry groping not grouping

[AnonWasAWoman]

I like this.

And I agree with jamma that just being able to work and keep your job is a huge thing.

I think I would like a daughter, if I have one, to feel that there is no shame in leaving a bad relationship.

[sportsfanatic]

MrFawkesMan may I add one to your list? Teach your teenaged daughters that it is not cool to see yourself as an appendage to boys e.g. to trail along after them, do things because the form stud fancies you etc. It is very very immature. Be your own person. There is nothing to be proud of in being the one the boys fancy.

[bemybebe]

"Have a partner who is an equal contributor in taking care of their home and their children."
If you say it so, do you automatically assume that she will have to take care of their home and dc disproportionately more then he dp? Or that she has to have dc at all
I would've wanted my dd to have a partner with whom she would be able to carve out the best regime to care for dcs and look after their home on the basis of their own priorities, needs and views what is "fair" and free from societal pressure. IF she wants to have dcs at all!

[MrFawkesMan]

Thanks for your comments. I am adding

Enter and exit relationships on own terms
Security and control of own body
Find worth in yourself, not others

I am sorry bebe but I didn't follow your comment. My thought was that if/when they have a family with a partner, that they share the housecare and childcare equally (maybe I should say fairly).

I have to say that I hope both DS and DDs have a family because mine has brought me so much joy, and I would want them to know that experience. Is that wrong?

[bemybebe]

"I have to say that I hope both DS and DDs have a family because mine has brought me so much joy, and I would want them to know that experience. Is that wrong?"

Of course not, but if she does not would you be disappointed?

Regarding the housework, I have a rl example of a lady who is a fantastic specialist and a very successful manager, she is not sharing childcare, her dh is a sahd and they are blissfully happy as a family. Families come in different shapes and sizes and as long as women are genuinely happy with the arrangements that is what counts.

I just felt that you are projecting a lot of your own values, but I guess this was the point of the op. Feel free to ignore my comment.

[bemybebe]

Sorry, I should have said "she is not sharing childcare equally" Of course.

[messyisthenewtidy]

bemybebe, not wishing to put words in OP's mouth, what I think she's saying is that whatever the arrangment her DDs have in the work/home balance, that they are chosen freely and not because of the expectations that society might lay on them.

That's what I want for DS.

[EleanorRathbone]

I want her not to be raped.

Or sexually assaulted.

Or sexually harassed (dream on)

I want her to be able to get pregnant if she wants to and for that not to affect the trajectory of her career or education or life, except positively.

I want her to assume that she can do anything she wants as long as she puts the work in and for that to be true.

I want her not to blame herself if she can't reach her goals because of vile disgusting sexist opposition.

I want her to know that she's right and everyone else is wrong.

[EleanorRathbone]

I want her to only ever have sex that she wants.

And for it to be good.

I want her to know that she doesn't need to be part of a couple, to be worthwhile, valuable and happy.

I want her to trust her instincts. And herself.

[WoTmania]

I like this thread.

I want my DD to not have to deal with sexual harrassment, and if she does have to deal with it not to be accused of being 'a humourless woman' who can't take a bit of fun.

I would also like my DSs to bea able to persue more 'girly' hobbies should they wish to (DS1 desperate to knit) and DD's ambitions not to be curtailed by her sex.

[MMMarmite]

Great post OP :)

My friend once asked me if I liked my legs. I replied "Yep, they can walk me places, go running, climb hills." She thought this reply was ridiculous.

I want girls to be able to like their body, not to hate it because it doesn't conform to ridiculously narrow western beauty standards.