This birthday party really got me thinking. . .

[FrankNCock]

Went to a party today for a friend's 2 year old DD at The Most Pretentious Indoor Play Centre Ever and several things made me a bit

So there was the obligatory 'princess theme'. When it was time for the lunch, it was sandwiches that had been cut into shapes of a top and skirt, and pink squash in plastic mini-wine glasses. Kids sat at tables arranged in a horseshoe, all decorated in pink, flower petals, tulle netting, glitter, etc. The birthday girl herself sat at a separate table at the open end of the horseshoe. It was decorated sort of like you'd imagine Barbie's desk, complete with a giant fancy pink phone. And there was the giant pink felt crown.

Ok, so it wasn't to my taste, and if I had a girl I could not see myself having a party like this. But I really got annoyed at the separation of girls and boys.

There was a craft activity. Girls made headbands with ribbons and flowers and glittery shit all over them (all in pink of course). Boys were shunted to the far end of the table to decorate blue door hangers. Boys and girls were given different cups just to hold popcorn (princesses for girls, pirates for boys). Different party bags (girls had Peppa Pig, boys had footballs). At the end, girls got pink balloons, boys got blue.

I just don't understand why everything had to be so different? I felt sad for all of them, and I can't even put my finger on why. More experienced feminists, want to help me?

[Trills]

Ugh. Sounds awful.

Did the giant pink phone actually phone anything?

[OnlyWantsOne]

Dd1 (5) went to a party when she was 3/4 and wanted a blue balloon. The mother of the little spoilt brat birthday girl, refused to give DD a blue balloon because blue is for boys and girls ONLY have pink.

I was a bit


Any way, we left with a pink balloon. It was promptly popped between soft play hell and the car.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Sounds grim.

Bleurgh.

I took DD2 to a High Ropes party last weekend, a fantastic muddy free for all for about 24 children, both boys and girls.

Everything about the party was fabulous, untill the party bags. A lipgloss for girls and a clippy booklight for boys.

Bah.

[FrankNCock]

I know it was awful, but why? I can't articulate it.

It's great this woman has her own business running this place, but it does cater to a certain type of mum. She also runs a children's 'boutique' that sells designer clothing and wooden, handpainted toys. All very aspirational.

[FrankNCock]

I mean, why did the fucking sandwiches have to be in the shape of a skirt?

[Trills]

Wouldn't plastic wine glasses be far more likely to tip over than normal tumblers?

[HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo]

i think I'd feel a bit dizzy if i had been there OP. i agree with you. all this division of the sexes in childhood is idiotic. no point to it at all. children are children with individual personalities that reflect many things like who their parents are, how many sibllings they have, where they live, how they interact with friends, not jsut whether they have XX or XY chromosomes!!

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

It didn't come up on a Google search for me - I'd like to have a nosey.

I take it you were paraphrasing the actual name of the place in your OP?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

[TheFallenMadonna]

My DD had a fairy theme for her 5th birthday. We decorated either fairy wings or crowns. All the boys chose fairy wings. One dad was mightily unimpressed to collect his son and heir and take him home in sequinned pink wings and carrying his choice of pink balloon.

And yes, it wouldn;t be my choice now either Trills, but it was DD's...

[FrankNCock]

Chaos, not paraphrasing, just giving it the title I think it should have. They don't have a website for the soft play place, but I will PM you a link to the boutique so you can bask in the wankery.

[FrankNCock]

Trills, yes, I did question the wisdom of those glasses with a bunch of 2 year olds! Most managed better than expected, but there were some kids struggling and plenty of spillage.

[EllaDee]

I think it's sad because at that age, boys and girls still like to play together - it feels as if adult ideas about boys and girls being different are being pushed onto these little children.

I would have found it unsettling too I think.

[FrankNCock]

Exactly Ella, I thought all this stuff about gender identity started much later. I could have understood if they were 6 or 7 (wouldn't like it, but would understand a bit more), but they are 2!

[EllaDee]

Yes, exactly.

[EllaDee]

Btw - I could be wrong, and obviously this party was very much a one-off - but isn't there a developmental stage around age 4-6 when children need to work out how boys are different from girls? (Dim memories of skimming that bit of some book). It just seems daft to put children apart like this.

[startail]

Yes I didn't do girly parties till DD2 was far older and wouldn't invite the boys and then yes we've had heart plates and heart shaped flowery cake.
Two year olds don't need the stereotypes rammed down their throats.
DD1 never did wildly girly parties because she got on better with some of the boys than many of the girls.

[FrankNCock]

I know, it seems like it is happening earlier and earlier now. I had the playgroup over to mine the other day and one of the mums commented on how different 'boys toys' were and how her little girl really only liked dolls. DS has a kitchen, a stroller, a hoover, some dolls, but also some cars, garages, and brio trains. Plus the very neutral stuff like blocks and puzzles, a schoolhouse playset. Perhaps it was just because everything wasn't PINK?

[wonderstuff]

Gosh I would have found that hard going. I think we push girls and boys into separate identities too soon and it doesn't work out well for the girls - can't imagine it is good for boys either.

I listened to an interesting programme on colour on radio 4 recently - and it looked at the pink thing - girls seem to prefer pink because every toy is marketed to them in pink - its a kind of positive cycle - all this shit comes in pink plastic so girls associate pink with good stuff so they opt for pink, so the toy manufacturers make more pink stuff... But girls have significantly fewer construction or science themed toys due to this and also by age 8 they stop buying toys because they are sick of the pink thing - whereas before the pink explosion they would be interested in toys until about 12 - pretty sad huh?

I expected when I was growing up that the world would be more equal by the time I was adult - but this pushing boys and girls into separate worlds isn't healthy is it - we (males and females) are more similar than we are different surely.

[EllaDee]

Yes. My DB told me that they have had comments about how typically boyish their baby is (she was born at the end of April this year! ), and how 'he' needs x,y or z toys. 'He' is a she who's not always dressed in pink ...

[Xmasbaby11]

The gender stuff happens very early which is why it's so bad - doesn't give children any chance to find out what they really like. It's all so extreme too - pink princess or blue train. Why not at least a pink or a purple train? I would really like to stop my child attending something like that but don't know how practical that is!

I hate it! My baby's not even born yet and even newborn clothes are blatently either male or female, with a few lame white/yellow super plain neutrals thrown in.

[EllaDee]

wonder - I think that is so true about the reinforcing cycle of pink! And about us being more similar than different - especially at that age, with lots of girls with shortish hair and lots of boys with long.

[alwayspoor]

I went to a 'princess' themed place were the children had to queue up to walk down the red carpet to the princess in her throne to ge their party bag. Blurgh.

[FrankNCock]

Of all the little girls I know, I'd say there's only about 1-2 who aren't always dressed in skirts/dresses. I remember thinking how weird it was, especially when they kept getting twisted up when learning to crawl. And then you've got the ones in straight denim skirts who can't climb over anything properly because they can't get their legs apart far enough. All in the name of making sure you know it's a GIRL.

[FrankNCock]

I think all this is bothering me so much right now because we are trying for another baby, and days like this make me think having a girl would be incredibly scary in this sort of climate.