How to buy dd presents?(11 Posts)
I know it seems frivilous to post in here. I don't know what to do, everything dd asks for is in my eyes horrible, overly 'girlified' tat etc. I don't want to not get her what she wants just because I don't like it on the other hand I really don't really want to get her it. How do other people cope with the dds wants and how do I find a middle ground?
Does anyone elses dd suffer from girls can do this boys, can do that, oooh boys can't do that, brother you can't do that you're a boy and it's for girls rubbish that they must have picked up from peers. I am constantly repeating myself but it doesn't seem to go in. I think this is where her present demands are coming from too
Does she want these things and would play with them and love them? I would be inclined to buy her them, but bulk it out with books and toys that counteract some of the more negative ideas i.e. have strong female heroines etc. If you want some suggestions I'd be happy to give you some and there are plenty of threads floating around in this section.
If you know they will fall apart or that perhaps she is not as keen as she thinks she is, it might be time for a chat about advertising, reinforced with reminders about previous toys that were disappointing/fell apart.
We have had a couple of 'girls can't do that etc' comments, but I find a scornful 'nonsense' and examples from her life very useful e.g. only girls wear pink - I point out that DH has a pink shirt as does her brother. Now she is older I throw in comments about pink being seen as a boys colour in the past etc.
To a certain extent I have the opposite problem despite the above as DD is a complete tomboy who rejects anything with the slightest taint of girliness. DD defends her choices vigourously with 'It can't be for boys, because I am a girl and I am playing with it'. However she has recently started being scathing about girls and begun to play fight, so I have been trying to encourage friendships with slightly quieter children in order that she has balance.
If she genuinley wants then I would I think it would be cruel to dictate what she can/cant have based on your views especially as its not actually innapropriate
Its not healthy to be so anti-pink as its not helathy to push pink onto girls , I wonder would you object to a son picking very 'boyish' blue toys .
I'd let her have some of what she wants, but not a whole world of it. I think we have to walk a fine line when it comes to trying to fight the childhood imposition of the gender role thing. If she doesn't ever get any of that stuff, she'll feel resentful and feel different from her peers and that could be damaging. But I think it is important to TRY to impress on them, even at a tender age, that they ARE allowed to play with the stuff that is marketed at boys. And vice versa.
Also, it depends which elements of pink-ville we are talking about. I have a bugbear, myself, with anything that encourages too much focus on 'being beautiful' - so I'd baulk at buying the princess stuff (esp. the stuff like dressing tables, make up sets, etc) but not so much the baby doll stuff, for example.
Just go to the 'boys' section and pick out something from there.
Avoid the pink princess crap at all costs.
I'm not anti pink at all, I'm against her attitude of this is girls so I must have it. With her that seems to be pink tat just for the sake of it. She's just asked for a barbie as one of the better things, the rest is more 'being beautiful' stuff. I may agree but go for a balance and not get her princess barbie but barbie surgeon or whatever they have. She has baby dolls as I don't mind that, in fact it helped when she had a baby brother
She tries to put this attitude onto her brothers too. Luckly ds1 just does what he wants and carries on in his own way wearing pink or whatever. Ds2 does seem to be taking note from her though and I worry about ds3
I was thinking about this this morning when dd showed me a toy catalogue that was in the post box yesterday. She had it open at the sparkly pink page which featured washing machines, dishwashers, hoovers, a vileda cleaning set - me . Fortunately she pointed out 2 "animal" sets - one in pink with fluffy kitten and grooming equipment. One in blue with puppy and vet stuff. After a very brief discussion about why she thought domestic appliances should only be "girls presents" she announced that she did indeed prefer the Vet kit as, and I quote, "it is better value for money, mummy."
I plan to spend more time discussing this with her over the weekend. She too does the "girls toys" vs "boys toys" thing - peer pressure is a bugger!
Perhaps you could get get DS2 and DS3 a Barbie/generic fashion doll too. My DS loves the ones that were bought for his sister that she never played with. He also loves his baby boy doll which has a little plastic willy, the first thing he does everyday is demand that dolly is undressed so he can check its still there.
It doesnt help that everything in shops/catalogues is divided into boys and girls toys. And the adverts on TV are pretty insidious too. DD was brought up abroad for the first 3 years of her life and we missed out on children's television and had less pressure in shops etc as the characters/language were unfamiliar. There was also more of a cultural attitude towards outdoor pursuits rather than television. Toy shops had some pink stuff but nowhere near the same amount as in the UK. I used to have a mini-nervous breakdown in a supermarket everytime I came back to the UK because of all the choice/colour/messages that are flung at you.
What I hate about the "pink" stuff is that it's all about looking pretty and not doing very much, whilst the boy stuff is about being active, adventurous and making stuff work.
There is a compromise though - why don't you buy some "girly" craft kits from say, Hobbycraft, or somewhere. They will appeal to her glittery side but at the same time they are about MAKING things, learning new skills, etc.
That's a good idea Messy
Matronalia - that would be unfair too as ds2 wants lego and ds3 a toy dyson and I have no problem with either of them.
at willy checking
Primary colours all the way. I honestly can't recall having any pink toys at all as a child, and I don't think I suffered as a result! Just bought the most gorgeous wee toy today for my great niece (only just worked out that it's not a bird, nor a butterfly, but a stylised peacock!)
Okay, some of the toys that don't fit the popular mode of the moment don't come cheap, but they also tend to be better made than some of the clearly gender demarcated tat, so likely to last longer anyhow.
Even if you don't buy into the pinkified girls toys (or strictly avoid the hypermasculanised boys toys), your dd will still encounter these elsewhere at some stage, so won't be deprived.
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