This is taking a large dose of Ben and Jerry's, and shitload of music and possibly alcohol to get out, as everythin's messed up in my head. I've spent three days trying to get this straight in my head, and it's not working. Sorry, rambly start, I know. But. If I start getting less coherent, you know why.
When I got with DS's father, he grew enormously jealous of the fact I was still friends with an ex, and pushed me into ending the friendship. As some of you know, DS's father was abusive towards me, and very controlling, so ending my friendship with the man in question seemed the logical and sensible option.
Fastforward three years, and following the birth of DS, the ex in question sent me a friend request on the old dreaded Facebook, and sent a message of congratulations on DS. Like the complete idiot I am, I accepted, and began talking to him again, as a friend. When I left DS's father the first time, he was there as a confidante, and the only person I felt I could truly open up to about everything that had gone on. Even in the refuge, I held back after seeing a woman turning up the same day as I did in a much worse state. I ended up returning to DS's father, following my mother and father convincing me that I'd over-reacted to the assault for which I'd fled, and my DB telling me, mid row, that he wasn't suprised DS's father hit me, as I was a "fucking annoying cow". The ex (As I'll call himfrom now on) was the only person, DS's father's step-mother aside, who said I was doing the wrong thing. He kept in touch, all the same, with his number saved under a girl's name on my phone, to save the ex getting suspicious as he rooted through my phone. And when the ex began turning nasty again, he reminded me that I didn't deserve this abuse, nor did DS. Eventually, I left DS's father again, and again, found the majority of support coming from "The ex" as, following the previous events, I found it difficult to open up to my parents and brother, and DS's father had shattered my relationship with my sister. 2 refuges later, and I found myself back in my home town, with only two friends remaining after DS's father had demolished most of my friendships through jealousy.
As I settled back in my home town, I found the ex would be constantly reminding me of "the old days" and soon ended up having an ill advised one-night stand with him. Less than a week later, after him ignoring me for the best part of five days, he told me he was now in a relationship. I moved on, but after both of our new partners had moved to uni, he reverted to messaging me, trying to lure me back into bed. By the time I split from my new partner, he'd moved onto his new victim girlfriend, but kept in touch as a friend for a few weeks as a friend, until messaging telling me he felt lonely as his new girlfriend lived so far away, and could he come round for old times sake. He accepted my "no" as an answer, but soon reverted to telling me about his feelings for me. I ended up falling into another casual relationship, which lasted about four months. A month into the casual relationship, the ex started messaging me again, telling me that he still wanted me, and couldn't help how he felt about me. Every so often, I'd think he'd got the message and he'd stop messaging me for a week or so, then we'd be back to square one. He'd use the old "not getting sex" line, regularly, claiming his GF didn't "want" him. I tried to advise him to focus his attentions on his GF, then and try to fix things with her, but he'd not listen.
We've now both been single for about four months. Through everything, since leaving DS's father, he's always been willing to listen to my problems, and vice versa. At times, I considered him one of my closest friends. However, he's never given up on the idea of trying to get me back into bed, which lead to an almighty row on Monday night, during which he started playing the "but I don't feel attractive any more" card, and the "I just need someone to make me feel good about myself" card. I told him, given all the times he'd trampled over my feelings and my relationships, plus how he'd acted through his last relationship, I didn't want anything to do with him in that sense. He told me that he was unwilling to put up with anymore of my shit (of which, he meant me telling him that I didn't want him anymore) and wasn't willing to act as my shrink anymore (erm, yeah). I've seen a 7 year (albeit disfunctional) friendship go down the drain, and I can't make sense of who's in the right or wrong. Can someone help put this right in my head, from a feminist perspective, please? Because, at the moment, I'm blaming myself, and telling myself I've been completely unreasonable one minute, then thinking I've had a lucky escape the next. :(
Feminism: Sex & gender discussions
Can somemone help put this right in my mind, please?
DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 29/09/2011 22:50
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