I have mostly been lurking in this topic, but I wondered if you could help me out with this.
A very close friend of mine was in a relationship for years with a man who gaslighted her to the point where she would agree with him that black was white if he said so. It's been years since they split up, but she still feels the effects, as her self esteem was non-existent by that time. She is mostly doing well and can see much of his maneuvering for what it is, but she still excuses lots of things because she wants to be fair, and he wasn't the only one at fault, and so on.
Because they have children together, she is still forced to deal with him on an almost-weekly basis. She would prefer for them to stay friendly, or preferably business-like, about the whole thing, with a clear understanding of who has the children when, who has to pick them up, when they have to be delivered, etc. He makes this impossible. Ever since they split up, he's been fighting for every inch when it comes to the children. He cancels appointments at the last minute, changes appointments just to show he can, has the children as little as he can get away with without having to pay extra child support, and generally tries to manipulate her in every way still possible to him. She is fed up with it, but does not know what to do because while she doesn't want to give in, she doesn't want to be unreasonable either.
I was wondering if you could recommend an informative, not too academic, book about manipulative/abusive people. As he is a very articulate and charming man, he still manages to make her feel uncertain when he gets going in an argument. Even councellors and other outside people that she's turned to for help fall for his 'misunderstood' routine (hell, I fell for it myself hook, line, and sinker for years ). If she had a book outlining the strategies of such a person, maybe she could turn to it when she began doubting herself and be reassured that she isn't imagining things.
I'll have a look around on amazon, but it would be really helpful to me if you could recommend books that you have read and found useful - there are just so many books out there, you know
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Books about manipulating/abusive partners
17 replies
MyBrainIsOutOfTune · 27/09/2011 16:33
OP posts:
HandDivedScallopsrgreat ·
27/09/2011 16:39
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StewieGriffinsMom ·
28/09/2011 20:35
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