Name and praise : costa

[BlingLoving]

I just registered myself on costa's website and under title they had only two options : mr or ms. I am impressed. Particularly in a week where I have received yet another card addressed to mr and mrs dhname. And from a friend who also did not take her dh name!!!

[notsofastmrbond]

I'm a feminist and I use Mrs.

[thisisyesterday]

does being a feminist mean that you aren't allowed to choose which title you use then?

[AliceWyrld]

Good to hear BlingLoving

Although I would be sad not to be able to use my title of Lady.

[garlicnutty]

AW

Since there are no titles to tell us whether a man is married or not - and men haven't asked for one - then, clearly, Mrs and Miss are sexist.

The use of Miss/Mrs only benefits men - in the past, to tell them whether you're a virgin and available, and these days to tell misogynist banks, builders, etc, that you're subject to a man's decision-making.

Miss, Ms and Mrs all stand for "Mistress", just as Mr stands for "Master". There's no need for three versions unless you think of women as male property, which should be labelled.

[notsofastmrbond]

I'm a feminist and I use Mrs.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

I use Mrs and I am a feminist. It's perfectly possible to be both, you know, without submitting to some narrow feminist agenda . If I'd worked hard enough to earn myself a phd then I'd like to be able to chose the Dr option.

Why is only having 2 options something to name and praise? Seems more like sloppy, lazy web developing.

[AliceWyrld]

Yes I sometime use Mrs. Depends what outcome I would like from the situation.

That does not mean it ceases to be sexist that women are expected to reveal their marital status and men aren't.

[booyhoo]

I'd rather not have to select a title at all. unless they are using it for data collection i see no reason why it matters what gender a customer is.

[notsofastmrbond]

Then surely what would be impressive would be something along the lines of:

marital titles:

• Mr (married)
  
• Mr (non married)
  
• Mr (prefer not to reveal marital status)
  
• Mrs
  
• Miss
  
• Ms
  

Rather than forcing women to self identify either as Mr or Ms?

[thisisyesterday]

so, if you like people to know you are a Mrs and that you're married... that means you can't be a feminist?

[thisisyesterday]

but you are "expected" to reveal anything. you can use Ms if you want to.

why should other people not be allowed to reveal their marital status if they choose to?
just cos men can't doesn't make it sexist. maybe it's sexist towards men because they can't?

this makes no sense to me

[HeidiHole]

Sad that my choice to which title has been taken away! HATE MS with a passion.

[garlicnutty]

If I'd worked hard enough to earn myself a phd then I'd like to be able to chose the Dr option. - Maisie, do you consider being married an achievement of a similar nature? And would you prefer the gender-free "Dr" to "Mrs"?

I'm replying to you in this way, to prompt a bit more thought about what a woman's saying about herself with her choice of title, not to have a go.

[AliceWyrld]

You can do whatever you like and continue to be a feminist. I have already said I call myself Mrs sometimes depending on the result I want from the situation. Doesn't make that sexism disappear though.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

No Garlic.

[KRITIQ]

I don't know why they have to ask for a title at all. I don't use a title when I can avoid it and I hate the intrusiveness of that, "Is that Miss or Mrs?" Urgh!

Why can't they just have tick boxes for "male" and "female" and no titles?

[edam]

Thisisyesterday - bit of an odd thing for a feminist to do, no? Define herself by her relationship with a man?

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

If they are only going to have two titles, I think it's (obviously, surely?) better they be Ms and Mr. But it'd be better to either do away with titles or let people write their own in since some people are very attached to a title for professional or personal reasons. I have to admit I do find it annoying that Mrs and Miss are still given as default options. If you have a special title that you want to use (like Mrs or Dr or Rev), because it says something about who you are - fine. But it shouldn't be up there as a standard option IMO.

[PamBeesly]

so they have no HRH option for me???

[TrillianAstra]

Feminists can choose to use whatever title they like.

The offering of Mr/Ms rather than Mr/Mrs/Miss is much more equal and fair.

Costa are essentially saying we are interested in your gender (for marketing purposes) but your marital status is none of our business. Which is true. It isn't.

My correct title isn't there either, but I am not complaining, I am rejoicing that a large company has realised that requiring women to put themselves into married/unmarried boxes is silly.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

Agree LRD. I would prefer no title at all, and second the 'male' or 'female' option as the most sensible.

I do use Mrs, but it certainly doesn't 'define' me by my relationship to DH. It's a title I chose for many reasons, none of which I need to justify to fit someone else's feminist agenda.

[TrillianAstra]

I think they ask for a title so that if they write to you or call you they can be polite and call you Mr Lastname or Ms Lastname, because some people think it's rude to call a stranger by their first name.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

It's not outwith the realms of possibility for a good website to give the customer a choice of titles and a 'no title' box. Depending on how I feel I veer from Lady, to Rev, to Dr, to Mr - and Mrs. I like choice. Ms is boring.

[TrillianAstra]

Well of course the most important thing is that filling in forms is not dull, they should provide us with a little joke between the title and name boxes while they are at it.

[AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen]

Maisie, may I be nosy and ask how "Mrs" defines you in ways other than your relationship to your husband?