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(Great) Expectations

(75 Posts)
MrMan Fri 16-Sep-11 20:44:28

Some of you will think, this is a man, so he has no right to post in this section. Others of you will also think I am a troll (perhaps because I am a man). If you think either of these things please ignore this thread. (This might lead to no replies at all, which I'm fine with).

For those who remain, I have a question. I am a fairly normal guy. I have a wife and kids, and a job. According to many posters here I am part of an inescapable network of privilege. I try to treat my DW equally including even division of housework and child care. I try to raise my DDs to believe in themselves and the potential to be whatever they choose. At work I consciously try to make sure that male and female coworkers and subordinates have an equal voice and equal opportunity (and for that matter people of color and all sexual orientation). The question is, what exactly do you think I, as an individual male, should be doing further to promote the equality of women I have contact with?

Parietal Fri 16-Sep-11 20:47:25

Good start. I'd say - Be aware of issues. Listen to the women around you. And tell other men that it is possible to be male and feminist.

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 16-Sep-11 20:49:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen Fri 16-Sep-11 20:50:32

I would like to hear far more men challenging the sexist behaviour and attitudes of other men towards women, And speaking out about rape myths. And encouraging other men to step up to the plate and properly co-parent.

Just off the top of my head.

MrMan Fri 16-Sep-11 20:50:56

SGM, you think I am a troll. Therefore please ignore me and my thread.

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 16-Sep-11 20:54:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SybilBeddows Fri 16-Sep-11 21:02:42

Looking out for inequality and being prepared to put yourself on the line to point it out. For example, in the industry I used to work in there is a proposal that, if implemented, will seriously disadvantage women. In general the people kicking up a fuss about it are women - despite most of the men in the field being theoretically committed to equality. So clearly they are not quite as on the ball wrt equality as they think they are. You have to entertain the possibility that you might be the same.

SybilBeddows Fri 16-Sep-11 21:03:29

being prepared to learn, basically. And reading books is one way.

chibi Fri 16-Sep-11 21:06:04

Don't get pissy if people (women) don't give you a standing ovation every time you choose to not act like a privileged twit

Don't say i did the dishes/hoovered/watched the kids for you to your wife/partner

MrMan Fri 16-Sep-11 21:11:40

Ok, thanks for the constructive posts. On the awareness side I have ordered a copy of wifework and started to research rape myths.

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 16-Sep-11 21:15:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UsingMainlySpoons Fri 16-Sep-11 21:18:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UsingMainlySpoons Fri 16-Sep-11 21:19:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrMan Fri 16-Sep-11 21:21:14

UMS, I get the idea that you are looking for a fight. I am not. Please ignore me and my

UsingMainlySpoons Fri 16-Sep-11 21:23:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KRITIQ Fri 16-Sep-11 21:23:58

All of the above, and don't get defensive when people question your sincerity or challenge some of the things you say. You may see yourself as a "good guy," or at least striving to be one, but folks here only have words on a page to go by, and will have experienced more "faux sincere reconstructed men" in t'interwebs and in rl than they've had hot dinners.

Chibi's post is an important one. As a visibly white person, I don't expect a plate of cookies for just being a basically decent human being and not being racist. Quite often, I sense that some men want the back slapping that comes with wearing feminist colours more than genuinely giving a damn about feminism.

nailak Fri 16-Sep-11 21:24:17

i think the term babysitting in reference to your own kids is a no no.... so make sure you dont say that and laugh at others that do

SinicalSal Fri 16-Sep-11 21:27:55

I would say not to be defensive - when someone raises an issue from a feminist perspective, try not to kneejerk about it. Give it a bit of thought. You may disagree after that, but at least it's a considered opinion and it's respectful.

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 16-Sep-11 21:28:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrMan Fri 16-Sep-11 21:28:58

UMS, I really don't want to get dragged into it but what you call 'being a bit off' from your view was 'defending people of color from racism' in my view. However I would like this thread to stay about positive ideas for supporting feminism.

KRITIQ Fri 16-Sep-11 21:30:11

Oh, and it's really not a good idea to tell people to piss off a thread you've started because you don't like their (within site rules) responses. If you genuinely want to reflect, to learn, to change, to really contribute to a fairer society, you have to accept that some will question your intentions, you'll be the target for the ire of some who've suffered at the hands of (often literally) men and that you are going to hear things that you don't like, things that make you squirm things that make you angry.

You can of course when the going gets tough, take your marbles, play elsewhere, claim the nasty feminists drove you away and retain all those lovely male privileges with a "clean" 'hey I tried, what more can I do? conscience. Choice is yours.

KRITIQ Fri 16-Sep-11 21:35:14

I can see that you want the thread to stay "about positive ideas for supporting feminism," but the problem is that it could end up as just a superficial layer of guff. I don't think it's possible to just don a nice fluffy mantle of "doing good things to support feminism," without looking deep within yourself, challenge yourself about your beliefs, your understanding, your behaviours and make a damn good attempt to pull out and deal with the the stuff people are conditioned to think about gender.

Tyr Fri 16-Sep-11 21:35:17


Are you, perchance, the artist formerly known as Bobbanana?

MrMan Fri 16-Sep-11 21:35:55

Kritiq, all I ask is that if you think I am insincere, then don't respond - which is the recommended response for trolls anyway.

UsingMainlySpoons Fri 16-Sep-11 21:38:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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