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Is Islam Sexist?

(26 Posts)
FatimahZarah Thu 15-Sep-11 12:04:30

As a Muslim women of 28, I've been hit by my dad, hit by my ex-husband, hit by MY OWN BROTHERS, and when I tried to share my anguish to my Imaan, he pretty much shrugged it off. And I feel like I'm going to end up in this abusive marriage for the rest of my life. But I also don't want to be racist and I know lots of women are in this situation, but is it because of Islam? Looking back at my faith we are subjugated in the holiest of places, the mosque and I can't help but wonder do you think this encourages it? I'm so confused right now and don't even know what to do sad

Riveninabingle Thu 15-Sep-11 12:09:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nailak Thu 15-Sep-11 12:11:57

sis i can give you a number for a decent sheykh if you need help with something, unfortunately there are too many cultural imams around, or you could try the shariah council for advice

alemci Thu 15-Sep-11 12:15:11

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Isn't it more cultural than religious. In the same way that the church and society used to treat women in GB.

LadySybil Thu 15-Sep-11 12:15:31

Is islam sexist? the answer is a very obvious YES. but is this sexism always a bad thing, the answer, imo, an even louder NO.

the men in your life hitting you, is nothing to do with islam, and everything to do with a patriarchal society and men's desire to control women.
I am surprised you went to your imaam. That would be the last place i would ever go to for help and advice. there is a website some one once linked to, that is set up to help women in abusive relatioships. If i find it, will link to it.

FatimahZarah Thu 15-Sep-11 12:15:54

I still don't know what to do about the abuse though, I mean the physical abuse, they always hit my UNDER clothing so people don't see it (not that they'd probably do anything about it), It's not like I can call the police because then i'd, in my community be known as the person who got her family chucked out sad sad

FatimahZarah Thu 15-Sep-11 12:17:01

ladysybil, he is a close family friend, at least I thought

Riveninabingle Thu 15-Sep-11 12:19:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadySybil Thu 15-Sep-11 12:30:42

love that link riven smile

LadySybil Thu 15-Sep-11 12:34:30

Fatimah, im sorry you are going through this abuse, but i have to say, that the religious point in this is minor. I will say to you what everyone on mmsnet says to any woman going through abuse of any sort, and particularlly physical abuse. Its WRONG. and you dont have to put up with it. by concentrating only on the religious and cultural side of it, you will find that you are limiting the help you can recieve.
but i am the wrong person to advise you. there are a lot of wonderful people on mn who can give better advice.

nailak Thu 15-Sep-11 16:51:17

you should contact they can help you.

why does it matter how your community views you? they dont care for you so why bother with them? if they outcast you so what? there are plenty of sisterrs that would welcome you and befriend you who dont abide by some abhorrant misogynistic culture.

islam doesnt tell a women to be a doormat, islam is always on the side of the oppressed.

why are you staying in this marriage?

confidence Thu 15-Sep-11 19:42:03

Is the question serious? I mean, is the sky blue?

Driftwood999 Thu 15-Sep-11 20:22:02

FatimahZarah - in answer to your question, one thing that you can do about the physical abuse is to see and confide in your GP. The GP has a duty to record the incidents of domestic violence and this creates a "record" until such time as you need to go the Police. At least do that.

FatimahZarah Thu 15-Sep-11 20:22:10

Can someone call the police for me?

therugratref Thu 15-Sep-11 20:29:39

Are you in danger? I dont know where you are but will call police if you pm me with details. Stay strong

therugratref Thu 15-Sep-11 20:39:21

Fatimah I hope you are OK x

coccyx Thu 15-Sep-11 20:41:50

please let us know you are ok

BarryShitpeas Thu 15-Sep-11 20:50:38

FatimahZarah, are you in London?

Al-Hasaniyah wonen's centre Phone 020 8969 2292

This is from their website:

The Domestic Violence service is funded by the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea Family and Children Services and provides individual support for Arabic-speaking women living in the borough who are suffering or have suffered domestic violence.

Domestic violence is deeply destructive, damaging self-esteem and destroying families. Unfortunately it is highly prevalent in the Arabic-speaking community and is often considered to be an acceptable phenomenon. In addition women from different cultural and religious backgrounds can find it difficult to access mainstream services and ask for the help they need.

Our service provides practical and emotional support for women suffering any kind of physical or emotional abuse. We work closely with solicitors and advice agencies to provide a programme of advice, advocacy and referral, which assists the women to access help with legal, housing, welfare benefit and immigration issues.

For more individual emotional support we refer women to the Arabic Families Service at Parkside Clinic where they will be assessed for their suitability for a course of counselling or therapy. For women who feel the need for religious support and guidance, we have links with Imams from local mosques.

We also run a programme of workshops throughout the year to educate women on related practical issues such as housing, law, immigration and welfare benefits.

For more information please contact

The Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea

Phone 020 8969 2292
Fax 020 8964 8843

Opening hours
Monday to Friday
9.30am - 5.00pm

I hope you find them helpful.

In answer to your question, my mil considers the women who run it to be on a level with prostitutes, as they have left their husbands sad

FatimahZarah Thu 15-Sep-11 20:50:56

hi everyone, i'm okay, pretty beat-up, literally, but okay

BarryShitpeas Thu 15-Sep-11 20:56:53

Call Women's Aid? 0808 2000 247 Free phone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline

Hope you are ok.

therugratref Thu 15-Sep-11 20:59:05

Fatimah glad your OK, but beaten up is really not OK. I am no expert on DV unlike lots of people here but you have to get to a place of safety and soon no one deserves to be beaten.

littleducks Thu 15-Sep-11 20:59:34

Not sure if any of this helps in your situation but this is the info given out at my local mosque:

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a huge problem. It is often a hidden crime. People don't often talk about it and often people don't even know that it is going on because it is done behind closed doors.
If you are threatened by physical, emotional or sexual violence in the home, Women's Aid National Helpline can give you support, help and information, for the cost of a local call, wherever you are in the country. Women's Aid National Helpline - 08457 023 468

Your safety is the most important thing. If you are in an abusive relationship, think about...

Having important phone numbers nearby for you and your children. Numbers to have are the police, hotlines, friends and the local shelter.

Friends or neighbors you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises. If you have children, teach them how to dial 999. Make up a code word that you can use when you need help.

How to get out of your home safely. Practice ways to get out. Identify safe places in your home where there are exits and no weapons. If you feel abuse is going to happen try to get your abuser to one of these safer places.

Any weapons in the house. Think about ways that you could get them out of the house.

Even if you do not plan to leave, think of where you could go. Think of how you might leave. Try doing things that get you out of the house - taking out the rubbish, walking to the shop. Put together a bag of things you use everyday (see the checklist below). Hide it where it is easy for you to get. Going over your safety plan often.

If you consider leaving your abuser, think about...

•Four places you could go if you leave your home.
•People who might help you if you left. Think about people who will keep a bag for you. Think about people who might lend you money.
•Keeping change for phone calls or getting a mobile phone.
•Opening a bank account or getting a credit card in your name.
•How you might leave. Try doing things that get you out of the house - taking out the trash, walking the family pet, or going to the store. Practice how you would leave.
•How you could take your children with you safely. There are times when taking your children with you may put all of your lives in danger. You need to protect yourself to be able to protect your children.
•Putting together a bag of things you use everyday. Hide it where it is easy for you to get. ITEMS TO TAKE, IF POSSIBLE  Children (if it is safe)  Money  Keys to car, house, work  Extra clothes  Medicine  Important papers for you and your children  Birth certificates  Social security cards  School and medical records  Bankbooks, credit cards  Driver's license  Car registration  Welfare identification  Passports, green cards, work permits  Lease/rental agreement  Mortgage payment book, unpaid bills  Insurance papers  divorce papers, custody orders  Address book  Pictures, jewelry, things that mean a lot to you  Items for your children (toys, blankets, etc.)
Going over your safety plan often.

If you have left your abuser, think about...

•Getting a mobile phone.
•Getting an order from the court. Keep a copy with you all the time. Give a copy to the police, people who take care of your children, their schools and your boss.
•Changing the locks. Consider putting in stronger doors, smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, a security system and outside lights.
•Telling friends and neighbors that your abuser no longer lives with you. Ask them to call the police if they see your abuser near your home or children.
•Telling people who take care of your children the names of people who are allowed to pick them up. If you have a Court Order protecting your children, give their teachers and babysitters a copy of it.
•Telling someone at work about what has happened. Ask that person to screen your calls. If you have a Court Order that includes where you work, consider giving your boss a copy of it and a picture of the abuser. Think about and practice a safety plan for your workplace. This should include going to and from work.
•Not using the same shops or businesses that you did when you were with your abuser.
•Someone that you can call if you feel down. Call that person if you are thinking about going to a support group or workshop.
•Safe way to speak with your abuser if you must.
•Going over your safety plan often.
Getting a mobile phone.
WARNING: Abusers try to control their victim's lives. When abusers feel a loss of control - like when victims try to leave them - the abuse often gets worse. Take special care when you leave. Keep being careful even after you have left.

BuzNuz Fri 16-Sep-11 21:58:42

FatimaZahra, I hope you are OK. This is awful. Please, please get help. You should not be subjected to this treatment under any circumstance! Religion doesn't even come into it. There are so many numbers that have been provided in this thread, please contact them.

BarryShitpeas Fri 16-Sep-11 22:36:14


How are you today?

solidgoldbrass Sat 17-Sep-11 08:28:29

While all religion is misogynistic junk, it is possible to put less vile interpretations on the myths and there are, as others have described, Muslim people and organisations who will help you without insulting your beliefs.
The people beating you are wrong, disgusting ignorant barbarians. You can walk away from them and you can have them punished for their abuse of you.
I hope you are safe and stay safe.

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