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if a woman doesn't have sex with her partner\husband for 5 years (or so)

(531 Posts)
kerrymumbles Thu 01-Sep-11 23:17:40

(per choice and not due to medical\emotional issues) does her partner\husband have the right to seek sexual gratification elsewhere?

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 23:20:56

yes, but he should leave the relationship as kindly as possible first

and the same if the genders were reversed

is this a gender issue, kerry ?

kerrymumbles Thu 01-Sep-11 23:21:53

no, i suppose it could go either way.

there are kids involved. they do not want to break up the family

dittany Thu 01-Sep-11 23:22:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany Thu 01-Sep-11 23:23:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 23:24:50

neither of them want to break up the family ?

I would ask myself why you are only asking on behalf of the bloke, and not on behalf of both of them

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 23:25:31

< little welcome-back wave at Dittany >

LeBOF Thu 01-Sep-11 23:25:53

I think that nowadays most people enter marriage expecting mutual intimacy and some kind of sex life in a romantic context, rather than by right. If this breaks down, the rest of the relationship often follows.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Thu 01-Sep-11 23:26:01

Well, is sex a 'right'? (a whole other debate grin)

Does someone have the 'right' to seek sex elsewhere - they have the right to say that they are not willing to live in a sex free relationship and they want to have sex with someone else if their partner is not willing to have sex with them. The other person has the right to agree to that or to say no, they won't remain in the relationship in that case.

If there is no agreement, and the person can't live without sex, then they should leave.

It'd very unfair and unreasonable to force celibacy on another person, but they have a choice - stay or go.

kerrymumbles Thu 01-Sep-11 23:26:04

i don't think it gives the man sexual rights to the woman. however, sex IS part of a marriage (for the most part) and it is okay to expect that is part of the bargain unless previously discussed otherwise.

it is an old friend, not from here.

kerrymumbles Thu 01-Sep-11 23:26:54

the bloke is my friend. don't know the wife

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Thu 01-Sep-11 23:28:06

Oh, meant to add - what they should always be - is honest. Not go behind the other person's back.

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 23:28:28

yes, I thought that must be the reason

but it doesn't matter that you only know the bloke...making it a gender issue is not the whole question

dittany Thu 01-Sep-11 23:28:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeBOF Thu 01-Sep-11 23:28:53

I think though that if this is a specific question, it's one to file under NOYB. What difference will it make to him what we think?

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 23:30:15

I certainly think he is out of order discussing his sexual rights within his marriage with you, kerry

LeBOF Thu 01-Sep-11 23:30:41

Quite, AF.

dittany Thu 01-Sep-11 23:31:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kerrymumbles Thu 01-Sep-11 23:32:43

he is a very old and good friend.

i thought it would be an interesting topic to explore. Feel free to not discuss BOF.

she did give him children dittany. does that mean he should never have sex again? Cause that seems to be how it's going. Hardly think that is right or fair or in his best interest.

kerrymumbles Thu 01-Sep-11 23:33:47

no. he doesn't want to have sex with me. he knows i'm very newly and happily married with someone who is at least a much finer physical specimen grin not to mention the fact that i'm madly in love.

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 23:33:57

Have you heard her side of it at all ?

or just his version of her side ?

kerrymumbles Thu 01-Sep-11 23:34:49

who is he supposed to discuss it with? I am a very old friend. Should he discuss it on a forum then? with strangers?

kerrymumbles Thu 01-Sep-11 23:35:59

i have not heard her side.

you can assume many variations but the bottom line is she has not had sexual relations with him for over 5 years.

dittany Thu 01-Sep-11 23:37:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 23:37:28

But kerry, you are discussing his situation on a forum, with strangers

so yes, he could do that

best of all though, he could discuss it with his wife

and/or a trained counsellor

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