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Asking DP for a ring

(8 Posts)
JosieRosie Thu 01-Sep-11 13:34:33

I would really value other people's thoughts on this. DP and I have been together for over 6 years and are very happy. We have decided not to get married - that's a whole other thread!
My birthday is coming up in December and I would like to ask him to buy me a ring as a gift. I like jewellery and this would be something I would wear every day which would remind me of DP and our relationship. I don't want anything that looks like an engagement ring and I'm not thinking of anything very expensive e.g. no diamonds, for ethical and financial reasons.
On the one hand, I feel this is reasonable - we have no DCs and are doing ok financially so like to spoil each other for birthdays, I like jewellery and would like to have a special piece that reminds me of DP. However, a part of me feels that I should be buying my own damn jewellery and feeling uncomfortable with the whole idea of using a material object to signify love and commitment. Please help me get my head straight about this! Thanks smile

southeastastra Thu 01-Sep-11 13:36:25

i asked for a ring for similar reasons. i don't see what's not feminist about asking for something like this for your birthday really.

Wamster Thu 01-Sep-11 13:41:50

Don't think there is anything unfeminist about a couple buying things for each other. See nothing wrong at all with your idea.

Hardgoing Thu 01-Sep-11 14:03:12

I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with having someone buy you a ring. However, the giving and receiving of rings is an integral part of the marriage/commitment ceremony, and does have a symbolic meaning in our society, so I wouldn't go there unless you are very sure your partner is happy to do so and will buy the ring with pleasure (rather than get into a whole issue of why you are not married).

JosieRosie Thu 01-Sep-11 14:18:07

Thank you all! Hardgoing, you're right about the symbolism issue and you've got me thinking.... I think I will discuss it with him, rather than asking straight out. I would like an eternity ring so I will see how he feels about the symbolism of that. We're not married because I have huge problems with marriage from a feminist point of view, so the reasons are nothing to do with commitment IYSWIM. If I were going to marry anyone, it would definitely be him!

PeanutGallery Thu 01-Sep-11 15:25:38

I don't see that it's any different to asking him to get you earrings, or perfume, or a tattoo, or something else that you could wear every day as a reminder of him.

Yes, rings come with loaded symbolism, which may be unwelcome to you. But I think you can choose to forget that symbolism, and choose for the ring to mean what you want it to mean.

(But then, I feel the same way about marriage. I think it is possible to make marriage mean what you want it to mean, and forget the sexist history and imagery.)

JosieRosie Thu 01-Sep-11 15:28:42

I agree PeanutGallery - you can make of something what you want to. And you're right about marriage too - the only way it will change is if clear-headed people marry each other and choose to turn their backs on the history of misogyny. Some days that does sound tempting, but I'm yet to be convinced smile Thanks!

LRDTheFeministDragon Thu 01-Sep-11 16:44:58

I don't see the issue at all - it'd only be a problem if he can't afford it/prefers to choose gifts off his own bat, or if you weren't prepared to buy him things he wanted. I think people buying each other presents is nice.

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