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Why are sexless marriages always seen as the womans fault when its NOT.

(24 Posts)
carernotasaint Wed 31-Aug-11 23:12:44

I have recently posted my story over on the Relationships board but while doing an internet search i found this. It has completely fucking incensed me and made me so angry.

MrsReasonable Wed 31-Aug-11 23:23:27

I think they are seen as the woman's fault because men are frequently portrayed as completely single-minded on S.E.X. 'Think about it every 7 seconds', 'only after one thing', etc.

It is simply inconceivable (if you were to trust the media) that a man would refuse sex; thus, women are seen as being at fault.

carernotasaint Wed 31-Aug-11 23:25:51

The person responsible for that site then goes on to blame it on things like the womans weight. Well after seven years of no sex or intimacy or hugs whatsoever i lost ten stone and guess what ,OH still didnt want sex, still didnt want intimacy or ANYTHING so why the fuck do people like to make out its always down to us females.OH refused to go to counselling and refused to brush his teeth saying it made him gag. It had the result of me not wanting to kiss. i am bloody fucking sick of seeing stuff like what i found here and hearing comments from comedians about "frigid" women. Do the men get called frigid. Hmmm no because society seems to have a way of saying. "Oh if the woman doesnt want it she must be frigid" or "If the man doesnt want it its because his female partner is no good in bed or let herself go or put on weight. Why the fuck is it always made to be the fault of the woman. Sorry for the rant but this issue affects me greatly and the way society portrays these issues is unequal and unfair.

carernotasaint Mon 05-Sep-11 16:53:57

Perusing around the internet last night i found that the Telegraph did a small article on sexless marriages a while ago. Apparently a woman wrote in about the enforced celibacy she was experiencing in her marriage and the "agony aunt" Ruby Wax??!!! told her to "grin and bear it"
I couldnt help wondering if she would have given the same advice if it had been a man writing in, I suspect if it had been a male she would have told him to get some NSA sex elsewhere.
And what makes me despair is that it was a woman giving this advice as well as the possibility of the chance that she would have displayed double standards if it had been a man writing in.
As a woman in this situation i felt let down by her attitude.

BobBanana Mon 05-Sep-11 17:16:37

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Tyr Mon 05-Sep-11 17:27:46

Women get accusations of frigidity; men of impotency. Both may have underlying medical causes but the truth is that human relationships are way more complex than that. Once one partner starts laying the blame on the other, the chances of resolving the issue gets further away.
I think that article is horseshit.

carernotasaint Mon 05-Sep-11 17:35:05

Bob i know where you are coming from. OH has never wanted to discuss it. After seven years of enforced celibacy i had an affair. after ten years of it OH had a heart attack and now cant. Its been 15 years since we had sex.Its not just the sex though. thats just a small part of it. No hugs no intimacy no nothing. Its like living with a flatmate. And as for that website its probably never occured to the idiot that a woman might have overeaten and got overweight BECAUSE her OH wont touch her.
I have been reading your posts by the way and i completely understand.

carernotasaint Mon 05-Sep-11 17:38:19

My OH refused to discuss it and refused to go to counselling. I did try for seven years to get him to do this.

BobBanana Mon 05-Sep-11 17:42:47

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carernotasaint Mon 05-Sep-11 17:45:47

That sounds like you have a nice MIL there.

BobBanana Mon 05-Sep-11 17:46:49

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BobBanana Mon 05-Sep-11 17:49:03

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carernotasaint Mon 05-Sep-11 17:54:26

See i couldnt do that. I tried to talk to my mum about it once but she is Italian and was brought up Catholic and "doesnt do divorce" My own mum blamed ME for the affair completely disregarding the seven years of celibacy beforehand. I moved in with OH in 1992 and mum promptly moved into my old bedroom.And then blamed my dad a few months back when she found a jewellry receipt for something he bought another woman.(he says it never became physical) mum turned to me for support and i will help her cos shes my mum but it hurts knowing that that kind of support is never reciprocated.

BobBanana Mon 05-Sep-11 18:05:07

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carernotasaint Mon 05-Sep-11 22:12:02

Bob thats very well put. I understand what you mean and also that in your case it must be harder with your lovely children to consider. OH and i havent got children.

BobBanana Mon 05-Sep-11 22:20:49

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carernotasaint Mon 05-Sep-11 22:49:04

Of course you can. Just give me a little while to work out how the PM thing works.

BobBanana Tue 06-Sep-11 00:14:33

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confidence Tue 06-Sep-11 00:14:42

God that site is truly awful.

But FWIW, I don't think most people presume that sexless marriages are the woman's fault. I'm not sure "fault" is even the right word. Most people understand that it's hard to sustain a LTR, especially with kids, and sex can stop working for all kinds of reasons.

carernotasaint Tue 06-Sep-11 00:21:17

Thats ok Bob i understand. For what its worth i know that i dont know you but i dont think you are a troll as a lot of your posts resonated with me and i would be happy to talk to anyone in the same or similar situation as me regardless of their gender. Take care x

BobBanana Tue 06-Sep-11 00:22:43

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BobBanana Tue 06-Sep-11 00:48:29

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StewieGriffinsMom Tue 06-Sep-11 08:30:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carernotasaint Tue 06-Sep-11 15:24:10

Thankyou StewieGriffinsMom I will check that out.

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