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Sally Bercow on BB.....does she, or any spouse, have a duty to their spouses job/role?

(67 Posts)
ThePosieParker Thu 18-Aug-11 10:47:46

She's going in BB, her husband is a public, very public, servant does she make his position and role more difficult?

Are we all a little responsible to 'behave' when our partner's employers/public may view us an extension of them?

celadon Thu 18-Aug-11 10:49:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictorGollancz Thu 18-Aug-11 10:51:50

Nope! We are employed as individuals. Short of spilling company secrets, I don't think a partner has any

See also Teresa Heinze and Miriam Gonzalez Durantez. On the flipside, I don't really understand why Jacqui Smith was blamed for her husband's use of pornography. Yes, his use of pornography is appalling and he should be roundly condemned; but it's not his wife's fault and certainly doesn't impact on her ability to do her job.

VictorGollancz Thu 18-Aug-11 10:53:06

I don't think a partner has any obligation to behave, is obviously what I meant to type...

ThePosieParker Thu 18-Aug-11 10:54:13

Yes that's true,......Eamon twatface Holmes just said 'if he can't keep his own in order how can keep the house of commons in order?' shock

Am unwell and so have sent the children to play upstairs with their imaginations whilst I watch, in horror, daytime TV.....misogynist servings of Jeremy Kyle and This morning.

bemybebe Thu 18-Aug-11 10:56:53

Jacqui Smith was condemned for sneaking her husband's subscription to porn on to the expenses report. That said I also did judge her ability to do her job whilst also entertaining a husband like that .

bemybebe Thu 18-Aug-11 10:58:20

I also judge the Speaker for his wife... I am very judgey I guess!..

ThePosieParker Thu 18-Aug-11 11:00:53

I do think it's not very supportive of your spouse to do things that may tarnish their reputation.

RoxyRobin Thu 18-Aug-11 11:06:27

The way I see it, she's only a 'celebrity' (God help us) by virtue of being the Speaker's wife. So she's not really being 'employed as an individual'.

SpringHeeledJack Thu 18-Aug-11 11:20:13

I think it's a bit off...would think it was a bit off if Mr Boothroyd had done it, tho

I can't help feeling she's made a sort of faustian pact with Desmond. Is 100 grand really worth it?

bemybebe Thu 18-Aug-11 11:41:08

she was an amazing Speaker, wasn't she? we need a lot more of 'Boothroyds' on our tv and a lot less of 'Bercow' of any gender

VictorGollancz Thu 18-Aug-11 15:24:41

I have a fairly positive view of Bercow, that I wouldn't have had otherwise (as in, I doubt I would have had an opinion at all), due to the way in which he clearly views his wife as a person in her own right.

ThePosieParker Thu 18-Aug-11 15:26:17

I like your take on it VC.

MillyTant Thu 18-Aug-11 15:28:04

I wouldn't do anything deliberately that might embarress my DH professionally ( can't speak for the unintentional after a few vinos though grin!) and that is mutual in our relationship.

If Mr Bercow is happy, that is all that matters.

EdithWeston Thu 18-Aug-11 15:43:10

I think "duty" is too strong a word.

But I think evidence of poor judgement in any sphere of your life will make your role harder, regardless of performance in your job. If your spouse makes a laughing stock out of you, it would rebound badly. So I see this as a continuum, and there is a (variable) point which cannot be overstepped without consequences. Where this point might be is a matter for both parties in the couple to work out.

I don't see this as a directly gendered issue - not least as the highest profile example of a totally dutiful and supportive spouse is Prince Phillip - but given the general distribution of jobs/roles puts men in the "higher status" positions, then it is does become an indirect one.

PamBeesly Thu 18-Aug-11 16:31:43

No unless you are married to a magician and you are their assistant, then you better stay still while they throw knives at you.

solidgoldbrass Thu 18-Aug-11 18:17:54

It is, actually, a tricky one regardless of gender. Because nice people who love their spouses do not want the spouse to feel stifled or in second place all the time, but equally, if your spouse does something daft or bad or ill-advised in public, it is going to reflect on you. Consider, for instance, the police officer whose partner is involved in campaigning for the legalisation of recreational drugs, or the organic farmer who falls in love with a vivisectionist or whatever.

solidgoldbrass Thu 18-Aug-11 18:18:26

Having said that, I think Sally Becow is an attention-seeking twat but have no opinion either way on her H.

VictorGollancz Fri 19-Aug-11 07:29:31

I don't have a TV (crappy building with no aerial rather than highbrow opt-out) so I have no way of judging Sally Bercow for myself, but the AIBU thread is watching Big Brother for me and the overwhelming majority verdict is that she'd be 'nowhere without her husband' (which I think SB's cheerfully admitted anyway - well, not nowhere but probably not on Big Brother). So I now want her to win! grin

ThePosieParker Fri 19-Aug-11 07:31:37

I liked her pre BB VT. (I hate myself for watching and blame DH)

VictorGollancz Fri 19-Aug-11 07:43:28

I follow her on twitter and she just seems like a fairly regular person. I like a good judge as much as anyone else but judging that someone can't acheive anything without her husband is going too far. Go Sally!

Cherrypi Fri 19-Aug-11 11:06:10

There does seem to be some slightly worrying disobeying her husband undertones in the media discussion of this. Would there be as much coverage if the genders were reversed?

garlicbutter Fri 19-Aug-11 12:55:10

I like the way the Bercows epitomise a mutually respectful relationship. They seem absolutely clear that each admires the others' individuality. I think that's an important (and rare) message to receive from public figures.

More generally: yes, partners do need to have regard for one another's profession. If Sally went around divulging State secrets, I'd love it she'd be disrespecting the marriage and damaging her husband's life. If you were about to do a deal in your business and your partner told your competitor, he'd be acting against you.

Denis Thatcher managed to stroll along, making millions, without compromising his wife's career but - in response to Cherrypi above - her son failed to act with sufficient detachment, and was much criticised for it. I agree there's more criticism of S. Bercow, but isn't that just because the media love to hate a self-promotig woman?

sunshineandbooks Fri 19-Aug-11 21:48:14

I'm going to sit on the fence. She isn't morally obligated to consider her husband in everything she says or does. But at the same time I think it is a sign of a decent human being (male or female) to consider how our behaviour reflects on those associated with you. That should never cause you to betray your true self or to behave in a way that is unnatural, but just means you behave as a decent person - just as I wouldn't turn up at my DC's school and behave in a way that would embarrass them and make them a laughing stock among their friends.

LynetteScavo Fri 19-Aug-11 22:04:32

I don't think she has a duty to behave a certain way because her spouse has a particular job, but she does seem to a lack of respect for his wishes. I think in a marriage each person has to take into account of how the other one feels, and act accordingly. If I really didn't want DH to do something, I hope he would respect that, and if he really didn't want me to do something (although he is so laid back, I can't imagine what that would be!) then I would listen to him.

If her husband was the local postman, and didn't want her in the BB house, she wouldn't come over as the strong, independent, individual....she'd just look like someone who didn't give a flying feck about her husband.

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