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Heteromonogamy is really just another way to waste women's time, isn't it?

(282 Posts)
solidgoldbrass Mon 08-Aug-11 00:13:15

All those books, articles, courses on how to Find The One, Make Him Commit, Keep It Exciting - keeping women occupied with the Perfect Relationship means they don't have time to do anything interesting with their lives.

PeterSpanswick Mon 08-Aug-11 00:21:26

I've always found it strange how men's "lifestyle" magazines (not the lads mags) are full of hobbies and gadgets and women's are full of dating and relationship advice, as though men are some kind of pastime for us.

snowmama Mon 08-Aug-11 07:31:00

Yep, and it requires a phenomenal amount of time and emotional energy.

Agreed about the magazines too...

ForkInTheForeheid Mon 08-Aug-11 07:52:36

Ah, but sgb that's not heteromonogamy itself, it's the obsessing over perfection in a relationship and getting the right man that's the problem. It's perfectly possible to be monogamous and heterosexual without buying into that imo.

TheFrozenMBJ Mon 08-Aug-11 08:02:53

I agree with both Fork and SGB. It's not heteromonogamy itself which is the problem it is the cultural expectation that women should obsess about it that is.

TrillianAstra Mon 08-Aug-11 08:07:17

What Fork said.

Being heterosexual(or homosexual, or bisexual, etc) is something that you are more than something that you do, so it can't be a waste of time.

Being monogamous is only a waste of time if you are not getting what you want out of it (and then you have to decide if it is the state of monogamy or the person who you are being monogamous with that is the problem).

swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:09:06

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EdithWeston Mon 08-Aug-11 08:10:09

I agree with fork

The problem is with the over-sentimentalisation of a romantic view of a "perfect" couple.

swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:22:48

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swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:24:13

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Hagocrat Mon 08-Aug-11 08:24:47

Couldn't agree more.

swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:25:16

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TrillianAstra Mon 08-Aug-11 08:26:34

SAF you seem to be conflating heteromonogamy with "the load of shit that women often put up with in a relationship".

AFAIK being responsible for remembering birthdays is not a necessary part of being in a monogamous heterosexual relationship.

TrillianAstra Mon 08-Aug-11 08:28:11

So yes, these magazines may be training women to waste their time, but it's not heterosexuality or monogamy that's the problem, it's the expectation that men and women are interested in different things and differently entitled to pursue outside interests.

EdithWeston Mon 08-Aug-11 08:30:44

In terms of magazines, it's what sells. The mass market reflects demand. It's about making money, not pursuing a political agenda.

I think we're being generous about lads mags. With the possible exception of Men's Health, they are about sex and nudity. Actually, plenty of ones aimed at females are pretty much about sex too.

swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:32:47

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TheFrozenMBJ Mon 08-Aug-11 08:33:31

I agree with Trillian here. Society may set up an expectation that women should put p with all the above in a relationship (and many women do) but it does not follow that a heteromonogamous relationship is necessarily one where all these things become the women's responsibility.

snowmama Mon 08-Aug-11 08:34:02

Actually, I don't think it is SAF conflating heterosexual and monogamy with 'shit women put up with in relationships' is society, ably supported by the media ( magazines, romantic narratives, the wedding industry')..

The most telling narrative about weddings, being it will be 'the best day in a womans life'...I mean how depressing a conceptis that ?

swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:34:23

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TrillianAstra Mon 08-Aug-11 08:34:51

I'm saying there's a difference between

X often happens with Y


X is Y

swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:35:30

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swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:37:33

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swallowedAfly Mon 08-Aug-11 08:39:47

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TrillianAstra Mon 08-Aug-11 08:40:57

So it's society that is the problem, not the concept of heteromonogamy.

Shall we go back in time and say that heterosexuality is a bad idea because you'll be socially ostracised, shouted at in the street, beaten up, possibly put in prison? Er, no, it's not homosexuality that is the problem it's society.

In recent years we've gone some way towards making this society a more pleasant one in which to be homosexual, so why the defeatist attitude re monogamy and heterosexuality?

TrillianAstra Mon 08-Aug-11 08:41:22

*homeosexuality is a bad idea.

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