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Difference between a SAHP & Cocklodger?

(25 Posts)
ComradeJing Wed 20-Jul-11 05:15:41

Ok, first up I'm not an MRA troll who has been trolling the boards before finally posting this. I have a question and it's really not supposed to sound as stupid and horrible as it will. Please, please forgive me but.....

What is the difference between a cocklodger and a SAHP?

I had never heard the term cocklodger before joining MN so this is really coming from a position of ignorance. Is it that a SAHP does the obvious of house work, child care etc whilst a cocklodger does nothing?

What if the family have a cleaner and the children are school age? Is the SAHP then a cocklodger/female equivalent? Is a person only a cocklodger if the working parent resents them not working?

I should say that I have a 6m dd and a cleaner/housekeeper/nanny (an ayi as they are known which means auntie. I haven't asked her to babysit yet but will in the future). I don't intend to return to work but do hope to start my own business once we leave for Australia and DD plus other children are school age.

snowmama Wed 20-Jul-11 05:42:25

In my opinion SAH is irrelevant, you can work and be a cocklodger.

A normal person would contribute to the running of the household, a cocklodger will spend their money in themselves and let the partner pay the bulls, will not help out domestically, will try to control family and children's activities to suit themselves.

Think of the old radiator/drain analogy...is the person bringing energy and warmth into the household, or draining resources and strength.

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 20-Jul-11 05:43:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowmama Wed 20-Jul-11 05:44:45

bulls = bills

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 20-Jul-11 05:51:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComradeJing Wed 20-Jul-11 09:39:45

Thank you both. Actually you both make me think of a friend's ex who was absolutely a cocklodger and still worked full time. I think I'm clear now!

Wamster Thu 21-Jul-11 09:02:30

In Mn land,

a cocklodger is a MAN who is a sahp and lives off his wife/partner.

a sahp is WOMAN who lives off his wife/partner.

There you have it. grin

AMumInScotland Thu 21-Jul-11 09:32:30

A woman can also be a cocklodger (though without a cock I suppose...) I know a very nice chap who does everything to support the woman in his life. She in turn spends his money, doesn't work, doesn't do housework, they have no children so no role there. She also doesn't help and support him in any emotional way. Her role in life is to leech off him emotionally, practically and financially.

About the only thing she gives him is the ability to feel needed.

She is not in the slightest a SAHP (even if you swap "partner" for "parent").

swallowedAfly Thu 21-Jul-11 09:39:11

Message withdrawn

TheRealMBJ Thu 21-Jul-11 10:53:55

How have I never heard this term shock.

I would never consider that a SAHP who is involved in childcare and the running of the home is in any way a scrounger, just like genuine benefit claimants aren't scroungers either. I would think that this refers to a particular, narrowly defined person that as said above, does not contribute to the relationship or running of the home despite a physical ability to do so.

A classic cocklodger targets single mums not just single women, on the grounds that single mums are more likely to be desperate for a man, any man. The cocklodger wants to get his feet under the table as quickly as possible, and once there he will do nothing - contribute no income, do no housework, probably little or no childcare: his reasoning is that a woman needs a Man in her life so all he has to do is be there and give her the occasional inept fuck in order to be fed and supported.
A man who is the SAHP in a family, who does the childcare and a reasonable share of the housework (housework is a shared responsibility even if one parent is not WOHP - the SAHP's 'job' is childcare, not 24/7 domestic shitwork) is not a cocklodger because he's contributing, same as the SAHM is not a fannylodger.

Peachy Thu 21-Jul-11 13:06:54

IME many SAHMs with older kids are in the community somehow: helping at school, maybe have caring duties, charity work.

That precludes being a cocklodger.

If you fulfil no role via your being at home, either domestoicallyn or outise, and are not required to be tehre for some reason (eg kids ior elderly parents needing someoe on call) then ther may be a point.

Greythorne Thu 21-Jul-11 13:09:06

What SGB said

Greythorne Thu 21-Jul-11 13:10:07

OT
What does MRA stand for?

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 21-Jul-11 14:42:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DooinMeCleanin Thu 21-Jul-11 14:45:35

A SAHP would, well, parent. And contribute towards the running of the house. A cocklodger does none of these things, although he may work and then come home and put his feet up while his partner runs around like a headless chicken trying to catch up on the day.

Peachy Thu 21-Jul-11 17:29:23

SGM absolutely, it annoys me when posters make a really horrid comment and then shove a grin after it.

Shame we can't be gien the ability to amend to <<potential twattery alert>>

garlicbutter Thu 21-Jul-11 23:19:27

As I understand it, it's SGB's word originally so you should listen to her!

Cocklodgers of both sexes are like cuckoos. Pretending that they'll fit in, they move into someone else's nest and proceed to grow extremely large (in size and/or ego), insistently demand all the resources for themselves and bully the others.

sunshineandbooks Thu 21-Jul-11 23:47:12

I think SGB has the nail hit well on. It's about intent.

I was the breadwinner (laughingly, as I earn a pittance) in both my LTRs. My first X was not a cocklodger. He was a weak, head-in-the-clouds-type person but he didn't intend to sponge off me. He was basically a nice guy, just not a strong one. I left him not because he was using me but because I got fed up of the one-way emotional support.

My second X on the other hand, most definitely was a cocklodger. We had DC on the understanding that he would be the primary carer, yet I ended up doing all the night care and all the day care for 4 days a week, as well as earning all the money and paying all the bills and doing about 90% of the housecare. Yet he went round demanding (and getting) loads of praise for his 2 days a week (the other 1 day was with a CM to give him a break hmm) and he somehow thought I should be grateful. Needless to say, that's why he's the X.

I can't take credit for coining the word, it's from Viz Profanisaurus. I can't remember the exact definition but it's along the lines of 'bloke who seeks out a single mum to move in with so he can sit on the sofa watching DVDs all day in return for the occasional scuttling.'

ComradeJing Fri 22-Jul-11 04:41:41

occasional scuttling grin I've never heard that before!

Sunshine what is an LTR please?

sunshineandbooks Fri 22-Jul-11 07:56:26

Long Term Relationship smile

swallowedAfly Fri 22-Jul-11 08:48:16

Message withdrawn

aliceliddell Mon 25-Jul-11 19:20:17

I'd never heard it before earlier on today, but I like it a lot and will be using it whenever possible. It is pleasingly succinct.

HerBeX Mon 25-Jul-11 22:06:50

"Think of the old radiator/drain analogy...is the person bringing energy and warmth into the household, or draining resources and strength."

I'd never heard that analogy before today, I like it - it's really useful.

LOL at cocklodgers giving someone an occasional scuttling or inept fuck. Surely the fucks/ scuttling can be ept sometimes?

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