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women who call themselves cougers

(17 Posts)
sparky12345 Mon 11-Jul-11 20:59:20

a little while ago i heard the term"couger"!
women were proudly calling themselves this as they was liking younger men[than them]
i dont know what i feel about this really-
actually-i dont like it as i feel it demeans these women
men go out with younger women and they dont define themselves with a name like this-so why should women?
i feel that it makes them sound quite "predertry"!
so-is it a good thing that some women are proudly calling themselves this-or is it demeaning?

BornSicky Mon 11-Jul-11 21:07:55

demeaning, like MILF.

But men do get Sugar Daddy - old man/young woman, which is a bit childish.
and Cradlesnatcher - old man/very young woman - which is pretty rank.

no idea why a woman would want to call herself a cougar. Is this something to do with Desperate Housewives (not a big tv watcher)?

Pagwatch Mon 11-Jul-11 21:10:44

I am not sure many, if any women do call themselves this do they?

I am pretty sure it is a term used about women not by them.

There may be women who like younger men. But the stereotype is a media construct isn't it?

sparky12345 Mon 11-Jul-11 21:17:04

yep-youre probably right Pagwatch-a media construct.
i did hear two women proudly calling themselves this though[rl]
mind you-thinking about what youve just said-there may be more soon that are calling themselves this?

Pagwatch Mon 11-Jul-11 21:23:17

Well. I think sometimes people are happy to attach themselves to a stereotype because it seems of the moment without really thinking about it.

Things like wags, Essex girls, yummy mummy etc are all various degrees of sneery and start out as a 'clever' articulation of a cultural phenomenon.
But women seem to embrace them for reasons I can't quite understand.
Perhaps it is viewing the labelling as a trend rather than a mocking stereotype?
Not sure really.

SybilBeddows Mon 11-Jul-11 21:28:18

I think if women are doing it themselves it is worth looking at what's in it for them. I wonder if they like the predatory nature of the term because it makes them feel powerful.

HerBeX Mon 11-Jul-11 22:38:31

Hmm, interesting... I think the problem with the term (apart from the implication of predator in it) is that it defines your sexuality as one specific thing. As soon as you shag someone younger than you, that's it, you are defined as a cougar. Whereas men don't get defined in that way unless they've had a long string of younger lovers. Also Sugar Daddy doesn't have a predatory ring about it, it sounds quite nice and indulgent like he's feeding you cakes all day.

snowmama Tue 12-Jul-11 06:38:43

I think Sugar Daddy sounds completely sinister and scary (but maybe that is just me!)

I think in part (and yet again), there are so few ways to say 'Not Mum', 'Not Wife' , 'Not Daughter' - that these titles appeal - they offer an opportunity of subversion and transgression for women. Even if the transgression is partial and sometimes unsatisfactory.

I am apparently a cougar as my DH is 9y younger than me. I don't like the term, I don't use it about myself (except in this context) and would never use it in any kind of tone that suggests I revel in the term (or situation) as I don't.

I didn't think cradlesnatcher was specific to older men, younger women - I thought that cut both ways. I don't like that term much either - had it applied to me but I don't accept it - afaiac, I would need to have been biologically able to have given birth to DH for it to be a cradle-snatching situation and I wasn't at 9.

But perhaps it's another thing where people just like to label themselves as some form of unconventional - like the ladettes who are so proud of their laddish ways.

snowmama Tue 12-Jul-11 08:13:07

Sure, if the question is 'should all women who have relationships with younger men be called cougars?' then my answer is a pretty resounding 'no'.

However, I think there are a few more answers possible when asked 'Why would a woman define herself as a cougar?'

sparky12345 Tue 12-Jul-11 08:39:49

Sybil[i wonder if.....................................]
yes-interesting point-im wondering about this aswell.

Snowmama[why WOULD a woman define herself..............]
yep-im also wondering this aswell.

Pagwatch Tue 12-Jul-11 09:10:25

I don't know why except that we seem to be prepared to join a gang that seems superficially to describe us , even if that stereotype is negative.
I was in the city when the era of the Essex girl was born. Given that we were in a very male environment and were fighting to be taken seriously I was shocked by how many young women of my age wished to define themselves in that way and played up to the stereotype.
Is there a sense that we want to be part of a group even if that group is not well regarded?

I suspect that cougar (which is not a woman married to a younger man, but a woman who persues much younger men as sexual conquests) feels like a much more comfortable title for some women than 'middle aged unmarried' or 'divorcee' or 'old hag' or almost anything which gets appplied everywhere to any woman over 40 and without a partner.

Society is shockingly unpleasant about any woman who is not young.
Just read mumsnet. I have heard old hag or old cow or old bat on here more than in an entire life of working almost entirely with men. Mumsnet almost universally tolerates vile terms about older women and miss with spectacular irony the fact that these nasty comments will eventually be used with equal impunity about the writer.

I am always astounded how few posters object.

Perhaps it is unsurprising that a single older woman would chose a term which at least suggests she has some choice or control.

SybilBeddows Tue 12-Jul-11 09:17:21

y, I think that's it Pagwatch - it's not meant as a flattering term but look at the alternatives.

actually on reflection, big cats are generally regarded as quite slinky and sexy, as well as powerful.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 12-Jul-11 15:35:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 12-Jul-11 15:36:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Tue 12-Jul-11 15:46:16

I would like to be a cougar when I'm old enough

garlicnutter Tue 12-Jul-11 16:12:47

The only reason I wouldn't call myself a cougar is because it'd sound big-headed! I'd be flattered if someone else did.

XH was 12 years younger than me; I was regularly called a cradle-snatcher, a sugar mommy, and he was called a toy boy. All massively insulting imo - though far more informative about the speaker than about us.

I've only ever heard 'cougar' used about attractive women who know what they want and go for it. I'd like to be one of those. The only thing to dislike about it is the sexual connotation. But it's way different from 'cradle snatcher' imo: the cougar is an entire, rather enviable package, while the cradle-snatcher picks their partners solely on the basis of their age.

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