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Pretty much every women's magazine cover ever...

(31 Posts)
BitOfFun Tue 05-Jul-11 23:57:34

Is encompassed here...

It did make me laugh, and reminded me why I stopped bothering with them years ago.

Any more clichés you'd suggest?

UsingMainlySpoons Wed 06-Jul-11 00:02:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bellabelly Wed 06-Jul-11 00:09:03

Love it. Heat magazine are especially good at doing a "Shock Horror! Dangerously Thin Celebs!" issue promptly followed by a "Celebs Celebrate Their Curves!" issue, both of which mainly consist of famous women looking far better in a bikini than I could ever dream of.

DontCallMePeanut Wed 06-Jul-11 00:20:07

But... They've forgotten the obligatory "he's breathing so he's cheating on you" article grin

Empusa Wed 06-Jul-11 00:20:38

bella you've got it half right. It needs "Shock Horror! Dangerously Thin Celebs!" next to the "Eww, Look at these Gross Celebs eating!" article.

Bonus points if they also add in, "Z-List Star Shares Weight Loss Secrets!" and "Fashion Industry Solely to Blame for Eating Disorders" hmm

SybilBeddows Wed 06-Jul-11 09:21:55

rofl BoF. I haven't read the things for years, even in a doctor's waiting room now I go for the gardening ones or the ones about your county with features called 'Focus on obscure small town with a new restaurant'.

lmao re cupcake CEOs and 'look at you, you loser!'

TrillianAstra Wed 06-Jul-11 09:25:37

Jeans - yours are wrong, look at our 15 pictures of similar blue denim trousers for only £100 each

TrillianAstra Wed 06-Jul-11 09:26:11

Day to night makeup - because everyone else is going out for the night after working in an office all day and having FUN

melezka Wed 06-Jul-11 09:26:22

When DD starts with the parent criticisms I tell her that if I wanted to feel bad about myself I could just go and buy a women's magazine, thanks...

SybilBeddows Wed 06-Jul-11 09:26:50

yes Trillian and there will be one pair for a mere £85 which they will call the budget buy.

TrillianAstra Wed 06-Jul-11 09:29:52

Summer "essentials"
Winter "essentials"

SybilBeddows Wed 06-Jul-11 09:38:55

I always love the way they talk about the Christmas party season, as if everyone has wall-to-wall parties all through December.

SybilBeddows Wed 06-Jul-11 09:39:16

which will necessitate a whole new wardrobe of course.

melezka Wed 06-Jul-11 09:47:03

celebrity cellulite

moresleepsoonplease Wed 06-Jul-11 09:48:44

'The easy way to lose 20lbs in a fortnight'

alongside

'How to make the most delicious chocolate cake in the world'

otherwise known as

'You're fat and need to lose weight you loser. It's so easy to do.'

and

'You're not going to manage our starvation diet - this is what you really want isn't it. Anyway what kind of mum would deprive her kids of these delicious treats just because she's not allowed them. If you weren't so weak willed it wouldn't be a problem for you..'

UsingMainlySpoons Wed 06-Jul-11 09:53:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SybilBeddows Wed 06-Jul-11 09:55:33

a friend of mine bought a lot of new clothes for her honeymoon, does that count?
she got a new nightie for the wedding night too <shocked by such extravagance>

UsingMainlySpoons Wed 06-Jul-11 09:58:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butterbur Wed 06-Jul-11 10:03:17

There was a link some months ago to a very funny Sun type newspaper front page. Except the gender roles were reversed.

I wish I'd book marked it, because now I can't find it. Can anyone point me in the right direction?

LilBB Wed 06-Jul-11 10:55:07

I hate all the articles that insinuate if you don't give your fella great sex then he will leave you. Headlines such as 'how to blow his mind in the bedroom'. I hate the shes too fat now she's too thin articles and the pages and pages of hideous clothes that cost ten times what you would normally pay. If a bargain is £50 it is not a magazine for me!

I stopped buying Cosmo when i decided to try one of their diets. I was 19 and a size 8-10. After 2 days on the diet, which mostly consisted of cups of blueberries, porridge, muesli and nuts, I nearly passed out. It was a lightbulb moment for me that I did not need to lose weight and if I did this was not the way to do it.

TheSmallClanger Wed 06-Jul-11 12:00:01

They haven't managed to get a "bikini/beach body" reference in - must be an autumn issue.

They tend to assume that all their readers work in office-based jobs, hence the periodic "office party/day to night" fashion spread, but every other issue, there will be an article about women who don't work in offices. These will consist of asking Suzy the Paramedic how she finds time for boyfriends, and Kara the Field Zoologist how she manages her beauty routine in the middle of the South African veldt. One of these women will have a side-job as a model.

PurpleStrawberry Wed 06-Jul-11 12:18:34

During my Cosmo and More years, I seem to remember articles with headlines like...

'Been dumped - here's why'.

The article would then list the various different reasons why you were probably dumped and what you need to do to put it right.

It was beyond insulting.

Miggsie Wed 06-Jul-11 12:23:56

They also forgot:

"Everything you do is wrong"
and
"Look at this home that's nicer than yours"
and
"No matter how much you try it will never be good enough"
and
"Shop your way to enlightenment"
and
"Men don't care about your personality unless you wear sexy underwear and shave your bush"

BibiBlocksberg Wed 06-Jul-11 12:28:29

I love the magazine cover and this thread! Remember getting very sick of all the 'buy more make-up and overpriced clothes while giving superb blow-jobs' articles in Cosmo.

To think I used to have a subscription to that dross shock

WowOoo Wed 06-Jul-11 12:41:35

Very funny. Also reminds me why I never waste my money on this stuff.

Think most of the 'ten ways to blow his mind/ you're not having sex enough or doing it right so you'll lose your shallow man' type articles have been covered.

Can't remember what magazine it was I read in the hairdressers recently but it was a 'look at my wonderful home, wardrobe and lifestyle' and 'how to get as skinny, well dressed and made up as me on a budget of only £36,000' type article.
Bleurgh.

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