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(14 Posts)
TheRealMBJ Tue 05-Jul-11 19:24:39

What would you think if someone told you that during their post-natal check-up the consultant performed a speculum examination without first explaining that he would do so, and when told to stop said 'Don't worry, Love, I'm almost finished' ?

UsingMainlySpoons Tue 05-Jul-11 19:47:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealMBJ Tue 05-Jul-11 20:06:49

I think I dealt with it really, really badly sadsad. Want to kick myself.

I don't know her very well, and she isn't a 'friend' as such. She's really, really vulnerable at them moment too. sad

I'm an idiot!

StayFrosty Tue 05-Jul-11 20:10:35

Oh gosh, that's really horrible sad and yes, assault too.

TheRealMBJ Tue 05-Jul-11 20:59:17

Than you. I was having a bit if a crisis of confidence there. Not sure why, but started to worry that I had 'over-reacted' in my own mind.

I feel absolutely horrible for her, but really, really disappointed with myself as instead of just listening, I responded with 'shock That's assault' and she burst out crying and left promptly looking very, very distressed. It is still so fresh and after a really traumatic labour too.

Shit! sad

UsingMainlySpoons Tue 05-Jul-11 21:14:10

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TheRealMBJ Tue 05-Jul-11 21:17:49

Fuck no!

TheRealMBJ Tue 05-Jul-11 21:30:44

Sorry, that was crass.

Thankfully, I didn't. She does have beautiful little boy though smile. It all started with a conversation about her childbirth experience and the fact that although she wants to complain she doesn't have the emotional strength to at the moment sad AND then she told us about the post-natal check up. God, I feel awful.

StayFrosty Tue 05-Jul-11 21:32:49

the thing is, people often talk about not calling rape rape or being in denial about their suffering. maybe she was expecting you to say 'oh that happened to me it is normal, forget it'. soetimes naming something means having to deal witht hings you might not feel up to dealing with. but at least she knows that later on, if she does want to talk more about it, she knows at least one person who isn't going to minimise it or tell her not to be silly.


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dittany Tue 05-Jul-11 22:13:55

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TheRealMBJ Tue 05-Jul-11 22:26:22

Thank you HRH I will pass the information on to her, if I see her again. The thing is that she said she wasn't told nor expected the speculum examination and that she clearly said, 'Stop' when she realised he had inserted it. sad

Thank you dittany, I know (deep down) that I didn't do anything wrong, but feel like I handled it badly and should have realised that she wasn't yet ready to hear it.

PS I posted this on here btw as I wanted to hear 'real', thoughtful responses, not 'Oh, well, that happens. Best tell her to dry her tears and get on with it. Hope you don't mind that I didn't put it in 'Childbirth'


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