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Help me explain to my friend why this is really wrong

(188 Posts)
iMemoo Sat 25-Jun-11 19:24:24

A group of women in my town are organising an event to raise money for charity. They are holding a bikini car wash! hmm So basically people (I suspect mainly men) are going to pay them to wash their car whilst they are dressed in skimpy bikinis. My friend is taking part in it. I am horrified by the whole thing. I can't believe that this group of woman are choosing to objectify themselves like this. There are a million things they could have done to raise money and yet they choose to do it by basically getting their tits out for the lads!! I have tried to explain why it is wrong to my friend but I'm just not getting through to her.

I know in my head what I think and why this is wrong but I just can't articulate it. How do I explain to my friend why this is so wrong. Please help me find the right words!

dittany Sat 25-Jun-11 19:36:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iMemoo Sat 25-Jun-11 19:44:44

I have mentioned that to her but she just laughs it off and says it only a bit of fun. She just keeps telling me I'm a prude and she even suggested that I'm just jealous of her slim figure, she really doesn't get it at all.

AwesomePan Sat 25-Jun-11 19:52:50

I wouldn't bother in the short term, given that response. She's offering her body for sexual gratification and money, and if she doesn't want to/cant see how that compromises her spirit/self-worth you are on a uphill struggle.

Perhaps it's worth drawing analogies at a later date if she ever gets snippy and judgemental about prostitution, or 'easy girls'.

iMemoo Sat 25-Jun-11 20:03:35

You're probably right. I'm just so frustrated by it.

Indigojohn Sat 25-Jun-11 20:06:52

She must either have a fantastic body or amazing self confidence!

Quite apart from the clear feminist issues, I can't imagine wearing so little in public and not at a swimming pool or beach!

SpringchickenGoldBrass Sat 25-Jun-11 20:14:00

You have told her your opinion and she doesn't agree with it. So leave her alone. She's probably only come out with the 'jealousy' retort because you have been refusing to accept that she actually knows her own mind and doesn't agree with you.

LittleWhiteWolf Sat 25-Jun-11 20:19:03

I had a friend like this. She occasionally worked for Spearmint Rhino, handing out leaflets wearing a promotional catsuit that zipped open at the front to reveal her cleavage. When she told me I was horrified, but she just reacted like your friend iMemoo and basically told me I was a prude and jealous that I didn't have the figure to pull off the look hmm

SinicalSal Sat 25-Jun-11 21:26:00

Sure SGB. Or perhaps she really does think OP is jealous. Wouldn't be the first time someone who speaks against commodifying sex was told that. Perhaps poor ol iMemoo can't keep a man either?

dittany Sat 25-Jun-11 21:39:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SinicalSal Sat 25-Jun-11 21:43:16

But Dittany that's what everyone else is telling her. She'll just think iMemoo is talking sense at last.

SpringchickenGoldBrass Sat 25-Jun-11 21:58:09

Look, Memoo is not this woman's boss, not this woman's owner, and now she has expressed her disapproval she should shut the fuck up and leave her friend alone. Or be prepared to have the friend express herself even more forcefully. People are allowed to disagree with you, you know, and to tell you to keep your opinions to yourself when it is their bodies, their choices and their lives you are trying to meddle with.

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat Sat 25-Jun-11 22:15:22

I agree with SGB. You have made your point and I'm afraid you are now going to have to let it go.

HerBeX Sat 25-Jun-11 22:29:19

I think you've made your point and you can't do anything else.

Just refuse to sponsor her though.

I suspect she might regret it actually. It's one thing to think it's all a bit of a larf, it will be very different when the creepy guy from up the road comes leering up to her making sure that he gets a good look at her and then afterwards makes continual remarks about her breasts/ bum etc. when he meets her out shopping in the supermarket. If you feel like you really can't let it go and only if she raises the subject again, it might be worth pointing out to her that when she undertakes to do this, she's not just agreeing to wash the cars of sexy young guys with fab abs, whose admiring attention she'll welcome, she's also agreeing to have Mr Creepy from nr 14 ogling her - she may well not have thought of how that will make her feel.

forkful Sat 25-Jun-11 22:49:59

I suggest the charity they are raising £ for checks it's equality policy. If they don't have one perhaps they had better get one. Also branding image for the charity. This type of event is likely to jar with that. Why aren't there going to be blokes in Speedos cleaning cats for the laydeez to look at?!

SpringchickenGoldBrass Sat 25-Jun-11 22:51:38

Forkful, how do you know there aren't?

HerBeX Sat 25-Jun-11 22:54:51

I wouldn't donate to a charity which accepted this sort of shit. How can accepting money from this sort of event, be consistent with an equal ops policy?

NorksAreMessy Sat 25-Jun-11 22:59:44


But you have said your piece, she hasn't changed her mind. This is nasty, but you are better going after the charity, that her, IMHO. What sort of charity thinks this is a good idea?

HerBeX Sat 25-Jun-11 23:01:57

Yes tell us what charity it is so that I can not donate to them in future.

LadyOfTheFlowers Sat 25-Jun-11 23:04:18

I always go for a 'hose down' when the firemen do charity carwashes - is that okay? grin

NorksAreMessy Sat 25-Jun-11 23:06:08

Are they dressed in their underpants,*lady*?

forkful Sat 25-Jun-11 23:06:48

SGB -I don't know - it's a guess. I think OP would have mentioned it. As with so many of these things it's normally men ogling women. I think such an event encourages street harassment and a culture where women are judged on their looks rather than eg their car cleaning ability grin

kayah Sat 25-Jun-11 23:08:27

I wonder if the charity they are trying to support is going to be thrilled by it?

LadyOfTheFlowers Sat 25-Jun-11 23:08:46

Sadly no. wink

NorksAreMessy Sat 25-Jun-11 23:10:13

The more I think about it, the nastier it a sort of first scene for a live-action porno.
What are these women THINKING?

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