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Can i ask what *you* would do to make the world a more equal place for women?

(17 Posts)
reelingintheyears Thu 23-Jun-11 20:37:00

I ask this having read the thread about Bristol Palin.

How do we educate our young boys/men to respect women and not be drawn into this culture of girls/women being there for the taking.

And i ask this as the mother of two ds who are lovely young men.

blackcurrants Thu 23-Jun-11 20:42:01

I'm trying to work this out myself, as the mother of a DS. I think making consent really important, all the time, is going to be a factor.

I like this blog post as a way to start thinking about it.

PrinceHumperdink Thu 23-Jun-11 20:43:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

K999 Thu 23-Jun-11 20:44:31

Perhaps being brought up in a household where both sexes are treated equally. So, your ds's for example not noticing any difference in what you or your DH/DP do. I have two DDs. Me and DP both work, we both do chores, we both take DDs out together, we both expect then to help out etc....

Acknowledging and reinforcing that we all, regardless of sex, are equal.....

sunshineandbooks Thu 23-Jun-11 20:46:03

For me it's all talking, talking, talking about it. Encouraging both my DC to break out of traditional stereotypes and picking them up on it whenever I think they're buying into it. Unless you want to live in a bubble, you can't hide the sexism of this culture, but you can bring them up to see it and challenge it. In my case I think it's a lot easier TBH because I have boy/girl twins. This means that their toys are fully interchangeable in a way that probably wouldn't apply if there was an age gap.

Regarding the Bristol Palin thread, I posted on it earlier and said I will be bringing up my DS not to have sex with anyone who is remotely drunk, no matter how much they claim to want it at the time. I'm sure many women will come on to a man when drunk and have consensual sex that isn't rape, but if he doesn't know that for definite, it is ALWAYS best to say no. There are always other opportunities and erring on the side of caution may mean missing out on some fabulous sex, but it also means missing out on potentially being labelled a rapist or ruining a girl's life.

reelingintheyears Thu 23-Jun-11 20:46:39

I might add that i don't necessarily think Bristol Palin was raped because i don't actually know the facts as to the conception of her baby.

PrinceHumperdink Thu 23-Jun-11 20:47:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrinceHumperdink Thu 23-Jun-11 20:48:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meditrina Thu 23-Jun-11 20:48:44

I'd start with clean water for all, then at least some medical coverage for all (especially midwifery), then education for all children to at least age 10.

sunshineandbooks Thu 23-Jun-11 20:51:00

On a more humorous note, I sometimes wonder if my DC will rebel against me and conform massively to gender stereotypes. I am a little... erm evangelical about feminism these days. wink

reelingintheyears Thu 23-Jun-11 20:52:50

My DD,DS1 and DS2 have always been treated equally i hope.

All have been expected to do their equal share around the the house.

None of them have ever seen/experienced DV from either myself or DP and i would be shocked if they expressed an opinion that women deserved any less than any man.

sunshineandbooks Thu 23-Jun-11 21:01:44

reeling you're posting on here so your DC will be fine I'm sure, but one thing I've learned from feminism is that it is possible for non-sexist men and women to reinforce cultural sexism without being remotely aware of it. I know I was guilty of that in the past, even when I identified as a feminist because I believed in equality. It wasn't until I started looking at feminism in depth and discovered how much sexism is normalised in this country that I realised how much I had taken on board completely unquestioningly. That's why I think it's important to talk about it as well as leading by example.

reelingintheyears Thu 23-Jun-11 21:11:50

My DSs are young sunshineandbooks..I hope they will be fine young men.
I hope i have brought them up to be feminists.

But it would seem from other threads that cultural mores will allow them to think that girls/women are there for the taking.

PrinceHumperdink Thu 23-Jun-11 21:16:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilBB Thu 23-Jun-11 21:26:59

I would show them, from a young age, that men and women are equal. I think it's important to be open and honest with them, to not let things become taboo. Knowledge is important. I would want them to know they have to take responsibility for their actions and not to be influenced by other people. I would want them to know that they are not to blame other people for what they do and should not blame themselves for the actions of others. I think I'm speaking more from my experience and the fact that I have a daughter.

I dont know if im making sense so i will try to give an example. Growing up nothing was really hidden from us and none of us were treated differently. In DHs family they are very private and his mum and dad have very 'traditional' roles. I've been told that growing up the girls were asked to do things bit DH was not and the reason was he's a boy. I can assure you our relationship is not like this but it took a bit of undoing!! SIL married a man who was horrible. She was a victim of DV and eventually they divorced. MIL said to me she thinks they split because SIL didn't do things round the house. This makes me want to cry. Now I can't work out if this is because she is ashamed of the DV or she truly believes a woman doing the housework is the key to a successful marriage. This has taught me that I do not want my children to grow up with this attitude and I will do everything I can to prevent it. I want to know violence against them is not their fault and against another person it is never acceptable.

sunshineandbooks Thu 23-Jun-11 21:34:57

PH I worry a lot about the availability of internet porn, though it will be a few years yet before it is a threat to my own DC. I am glad I am not really into pop music because it means we don't have any music channels on in this house, which to me seems a bit of a precursor to porn for the pre-teens. At the moment though, I (and my CM who shares my attitudes and values) am the biggest influence on my DC. They have yet to be exposed to significant peer pressure and availability of forbidden material through friends. I'm not sure how I plan to combat that yet, though I hope technology will help by being able to filter porn. I intend to discuss porn with my DC anyway, so that they know why I object to it and can understand the harm it does. I doubt I will be able to prevent them from ever seeing it but hopefully I can give them the armour necessary to keep them safe from harm as a result of it.

BornSicky Thu 23-Jun-11 21:49:41

Remove all state support for religion and its status in society.

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