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....this is mens talk - fuming!!

(33 Posts)
BibiBlocksberg Thu 02-Dec-10 15:56:07

Am at work and all the men on my floor were just watching the draw as to who gets to host the World Cup.

So, colleague sitting closest to me tells the room that the UK hasn't got it. I ask him does he know who did get it then - no answer just blanks me.

Then starts talking about Blatter so I in a throwaway sort of way I said 'who, good old Sep'? and the guy turns round and in a really patronizing voice and manner tells me ' It's alright, it's not for you, this is mens talk for a minute'

WTF????????? Didn't know what to reply to that, managed to loudly say 'what a sexist and patronising thing to say to me' but then couldn't think of anything else.

Am soooooooooo angry....wish I'd thought of the 'didn't know a penis was needed to talk about this'remark in time although that would have probably got me a black mark from my manager.

Anyone have any tips of how to deal with this sort of thing in the future? Still steaming with anger here angry

ChocolateMoose Thu 02-Dec-10 16:00:37

Ouch! I think the best thing to say might be just "That's really rude/offensive" - given that it's work and you can't swear - but I'm sure others will be along with better ideas on how to deal with that sort of crap.

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 16:12:01

You answered well, well done. He is pathetic, but it is a blessing that you now know his true colours and how pathetic he is. He is jealous of you and wanted to exclude you from the group. Bear that in mind for the future.

BibiBlocksberg Thu 02-Dec-10 16:18:44

"You answered well, well done"

grin thanks - would never have been able to even say that before I started reading up on the subject of sexism and feminism on MN.

Quite surprised myself as it happens

Still doesn't feel like enough though......bloody idiot!! Doesnt' help that i'm the only woman on this floor most days so he probably feels he can get away with it.

AliceWorld Thu 02-Dec-10 16:26:45

Agree spot on. Well done for challenging it.

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 16:30:54

you were spot on, it was sexist and patronising and it's great that this forum helped you quickly come up with it. Everyone who heard you will agree with you. You showed the pathetic creep up. He picked on you to big himself up and exclude you from the group. Pathetic, but it is great that you know his true colours. He has made a mistake in revealing his true self to you.

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 16:39:18

The way to get back at him is to call him "a little man", because this is what he really is and he knows it, that is why he tried to do the opposite by bigging himself up and belittling you. He has a fragile ego, and he tried to boost it by knocking you. If he tries anything else in a similar vein, I would loudly say

"you're such a little man, does it make you feel big to knock women?"

He won't want you to expose his insecurities, so he will soon leave you alone.

ElephantsAndMiasmas Thu 02-Dec-10 16:39:57

good reply. What a tremendous cockstain he is.

BibiBlocksberg Thu 02-Dec-10 17:02:00

Thanks all. Have to say he's always irritated me without me being able to put my finger on exactly why.

In his 60's (so not some young know-it-all I mean, likes to think he's some sort of friend to everyone but is really only interested in himself.

Grrrrrr.....he's just come over to blabber at me that the new jar of coffee has arrived and where did I want it. Errr...the kitchen where it's alwas kept you weirdo????

Am sorry to say I let myself down as asked him if he was sure this was a suitable subject for me to talk about since I'm only a female.

blush my manager is sitting right in front of me and looking at me weird. Better reign in the tongue here.

I blame MN - it's egging me on

TheFeministParent Thu 02-Dec-10 17:05:31

You did well, direct and indefensible.

DavidStHubbins Thu 02-Dec-10 17:11:51

L'esprit de l'escalier

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 17:12:14

'he's just come over to blabber at me that the new jar of coffee has arrived and where did I want it.'

He's still at it, implying that you are in charge of the coffee making. Sounds like an old twisted 60 year old sexist. He is a nasty old failure and these people are often snakes who pretend that they are friends with everyone, but their true colours are revealed just like a snake sheds it skin.

You are on to him now. Make him wriggle on the hook a bit, he will respect you more for it, and so will the boss and others. But don't use any rude language like prick or penis etc., just keep it professional. Good luck.

BibiBlocksberg Thu 02-Dec-10 17:17:01

"L'esprit de l'escalier"

Just had to google that as I'd never heard it before.

Stair Case Wit - I love it, thanks DavidStHubbins.

Entertaining and educational - knew there was a reason I'm firmly glued to this site every chance I get

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 17:17:51

Next time he asks about where to put the coffee, try something like

"put it by the fridge, and then make me one with two sugars"

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 17:19:50

If you really want to go for it, you can call him "sweetie" as well.

AliceWorld Thu 02-Dec-10 17:20:55

Oh yes, he's coming back with that to reiterate you are but a women.

I like to act like I really just don't understand.

HerBeatitude Thu 02-Dec-10 17:22:15

If he asks you where you want the coffee/ sugar/ milk etc. in future, just challenge him directly on it.

"where do you want it?"

"why are you asking me? why on earth do you think I'd be remotely interested in such trivialities as coffee"

"I'm not sure why you're deferring to me in the matter of where the coffee is kept, everyone in the office uses it, do you want us to have a vote"

"I'll leave you to decide, it's far too important a decision for me to take" with an unpleasant sneer.

I won't advise stick it up yer arse you sexist old dick.

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 17:29:20

when he asks where to put teh coffee, you could say

"can't you show any initiative, do you need to be spoonfed like a baby?"

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 17:30:13

"do you need to always be spoonfed like a baby?"

ShanahansRevenge Thu 02-Dec-10 17:40:07

Wait for the opportunity to get him back...next time he asks ANY question of you that is not work related....you should do the line that Claig suggests....it would work in a multitude of situations I am sure.

Arse Man: Do you know whre Tim is?

You: Can't you work it out yourself or do you always need to be spoonfed information like a baby?

Arse Man: Do you know where people are meeting after work?

You: Listen more carefully next time, you seem incapable of keeping information in your head...that's because you're a man and need to be spoonfed.

HerBeatitude Thu 02-Dec-10 17:48:46

She;ll get labelled a humourless feminist bitch, you mark my words.

I think just slipping "dinosaur" into the conversation as and when it's appropriate, will do.

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 17:53:16

yes losers will label her a humourless feminist bitch, but they will repsect her and won't cross her. I think "dinosaur" is too friendly a term for him, he will probably be proud of being a "dinosaur", but he won't be proud of being a "sweetie" or a "baby" or a "little man"

msrisotto Thu 02-Dec-10 18:01:03

Seriously, after the second comment, i'd be fucking furious and might have a shit fit. What that means for me is informing him that it is completely unacceptable to exclude me from a conversation/situation at work for sexist reasons and that i don't give a shit about the coffee as i am not in charge of the coffee. As someone else said - get some initiative and deal with it yourself you man child. angry

msrisotto Thu 02-Dec-10 18:02:10

if you're a nice person and generally well liked in the office, personally I don't give a shit about asserting myself against bigots in the office. People will get over it.

claig Thu 02-Dec-10 18:09:08

agree with mrsrisotto, men like him are bullies, and they will bully others as well. You can't win people like that over, they are twisted, bitter Victor Meldrew types. It is in fact good practice to try put certain lines on them. They will soon stop crossing you.

I never watched Victor Meldrew, so I am not sure if it is really appropriate, but it may be worth trying something like

"sorry Victor, did you say something?"

"stop being so grumpy, Victor Medrew"

"can you say that again, Victor, I didn't catch your mumbling"

It is best to ridicule bullies like him, as that is what they fear most.

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