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How depressing

(8 Posts)
MistressMaker Thu 02-Dec-10 11:14:31

I'm 32 with 2 DC.

Went to a club the other week which I never do, at the end of a girly night out with friends.

On the dance floor I had my bum slapped repeatedly by a guy of probably no more than 22.

First time I ignored it, assuming mistaken identity, second time it happened I was pissed off and third time I turned round and told him to stop it. To be fair to him he did look mortified and very shamefaced.

Anyway, was telling my 37 year old friend (also a mother) about it - just in general when debriefing the night out, talking about how clubs make me feel old and she said it was "quite flattering really".

Some men are always going to think it's ok to intimately touch strange women if some women think it is ok, aren't they?

HerBeatitude Thu 02-Dec-10 20:59:37

Yes.

In a word.

How depressing that a 22 year old is doing that. Let's hope he's a one off creep, not a typical example of his generation.

Sprogger Thu 02-Dec-10 22:05:37

I also find it depressing that there are women who will accept any level of disrespect from random men, just so long as they're reassured it's only happening because they're pretty.

Seriously. Pretty is fine (speaking as someone who's on the edge of getting old enough for it not to come naturally anymore), but respect lasts a hell of a lot longer.

HerBeatitude Thu 02-Dec-10 22:14:37

Well also, they don't do it because you're pretty anyway.

They do it because you're a random woman and they can. It's not a compliment and it's a bit sad and pathetic to see it as one.

Sprogger Fri 03-Dec-10 09:15:36

Precisely, HB. But some women excuse it to themselves by taking the negative attention as reassurance that they've been singled out for their attractiveness (like the OP's friend). And sure, maybe they are attractive. But there are acceptable ways of communicating to someone that you find them attractive, and what the OP's describing is NEVER it.

MistressMaker Fri 03-Dec-10 11:42:54

Thanks, that's good to hear.

I ranted a bit to the friends I was with at the time and they probably thought I was totally over-reacting.

I hate that shit though, I really, really do.

MistressMaker Fri 03-Dec-10 11:44:47

Reminded me of when I was about 18/19 first going to clubs. Living in probably not the most progressive of countries at the time (Ireland).

I used to dance all night staring at the floor because if you even so much as dared to look up so bloke would catch your eye and then just kind of grab you and attach himself to you.

I hated it at the time but used avoidance rather than saying anything.

I'm older and more confident now and wouldn't for a moment put up with it, just a shame women think you should sad

HerBeatitude Fri 03-Dec-10 12:51:33

Terribly low aspirations for women isn't it, the idea that you should get a boost to your self-esteem from some random person with a dick expressing a belief that he has the right to intrude on your personal space becuse he finds you attractive?

Are we really supposed to be so lacking in self-esteem, that we gratefully accept these crumbs of male approval?

My god, it's a spotty teenage boy's fantasy isn't it? And how sad it is that some grown up women are so groomed, that they accept that view of the world and how men interract with women?

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