How do I help my mum see things slightly differently

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

We talked about feminism the other day (as a result of threads on here)

She said that she didn't feel she could be a feminist because daddy does the finances at home. And because she bows to his knowledge about some things.

I tried to say to her that with the finances that he isn't good at them because he has testicles, he just is very good at maths and finances. She isn't good with maths and that is isn't because she doesn't have testicles.

She takes his word for stuff that he has knowledge about and he listens to her about stuff none of that is about sex, it is about them having a very different knowledge base.

He is mathmatical, she is language and literature (she is a tutor at Cambridge University).

She also thinks that she can't be a feminist because she enjoys compliments from men about her appearance.

Am I totally wrong in thinking that none of the above means that she can't be a feminist.

[BertieBotts]

I agree with you - perhaps she has some skewed ideas of what feminism means. I'm not really sure where to go from there though, sorry!

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

I tried to suggest to her that feminism was a bit like Christianity, same core values can be shared with very different range of practical demonstrations of those eliefs.

(NOT suggesting Christianity and Feminism are linked in any way other than an example of a belief)

[Unwind]

If you bought her a book for Christmas, would she read it?

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

probably, books and literature at her passion

[wukter]

I wouldn't think any of that stops you being a feminist. Your parents just treat each other as full rounded humans beings, with individual skills and knowledge. Tell your mum feminists are all for that.

Re the compliments thing. I don't think it's unfeminist to take pride in your looks, or enjoy being admired. If you can leave it on the level that you'd take pride in having 20:20 vision or any other randomly allocated piece of good luck. Society doesn't, it puts far too much emphasis on a woman's looks, but I think individual women can put looks in their proper place, while still enjoying having just one other good quality, among many.

That doesn't read well but I hope you know what I mean.

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

I do know what you mean.
Do yo have a book you can recommend Unwind?

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

I don't think there are any qualifications for being a feminist beyond a core belief that both sexes should be liberated from gender stereotyping and live lives based on equal opportunity.*

It's not an exclusive club

I'm a fairly outspoken feminist and also a terrible driver, a total wimp at sports, love getting compliments and have a wardrobe full of short skirts and high heels.

• for what it's worth I don't believe in the 'women should be equal to men' line. It assumes that masculine values are the standard and that all men have it so good anyway - which they don't - many if not most are victims of gendered expectations. That is a discussion for another thread though.

[tabouleh]

I would suggest Reclaiming the F Word because it was published this year and reviews where we are now and has lots of explanations/references etc.

[ChateauDeLaShite]

How can she be a literature tutor at Cambridge and not understand a fairly basic theory?